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Song Parodies -> "Richard Kimble vs. O.J. Simpson"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Richard Kimble vs. O.J. Simpson"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

In case you're not familiar: Richard Kimble, played by David Janssen, was the lead character of the ABC drama "The Fugitive." Falsely accused and convicted of beating his wife to death, he managed to escape, and searched for the man he believed actually did it, all while being pursued by the policeman who was supposed to escort him to prison. Eventually, that policeman, Lieutenant Philip Gerard, played by Barry Morse, came to believe Kimble's story, but it didn't matter: He still had to bring Kimble in. Alert for a 55-year-old spoiler: In the show's last episode, on August 29, 1967, Gerard finally caught Kimble, but gave him 24 hours to prove his innocence. He did, beating a confession out of Fred Johnson, "the one-armed man," who then grabs a gun, but is shot by Gerard before he can shoot Kimble. Johnson's confession is inadmissible in court, because only Kimble heard it. But a man who witnesses all this finally comes forward after all this time and admits he saw Johnson kill Helen Kimble, and Richard is freed. It was the most-watched episode on the history of American television, and has since been topped only by the reveal of who shot J.R. on "Dallas" in 1980 and the final episode of "M*A*S*H" in 1983. Though fictional, Kimble is still America's most famous wrongfully-accused murder defendant. Here, he battles America's most famous acquitted-but-probably-guilty murder defendant, who, at the time of the show's finale, was embarking on a National Championship football season.
Epic Rap Battles of History!

Richard Kimble!

vs....

O.J. Simpson!

Begin!

(Simpson)
What's up? It's the Juice
out of USC
the greatest running back
there could ever be.
There's just no way
I could lose this rap duel.
I'm so dope, I even
made Buffalo look cool!
No defenders could stop
my football moves.
I was cutting and slashing.
I was in the groove!
The Bills were right to make me
the top draft pick.
My achievements stand erect
while you're just a Dick!

(Kimble)
There's something you should know
and I'll try to be nice, man:
More people watched my finale
than saw you win the Heisman!
My show was no comedy.
I didn't have much fun.
But in playoff games
you were oh and one.
Speaking of your Heisman:
It's no longer in your cabinet.
Maybe you should look for it.
Go on, take a stab at it!
Oops, too soon?
I've had a hard life
but between us, I'm the only one
who DIDN'T kill his wife!

(Simpson)
So you're gonna go there?
Well, you can't match my fame.
I won my murder trial
and I beat your Notre Dame!
I might not have played
in a Super Bowl
but I broadcast in some
that exceeded your viewer toll!
Anybody who watched
your show must be mental.
The scripts were cheaper
than my commercials' car rental!
Your story keeps getting remade.
I guess nobody's learned.
Like the Towering Inferno
you just got burned!

(Kimble)
The only good defense
you ever had was Johnnie Cochran.
You won't have one against me:
I'm gonna clean your clock, man!
You went crazy over your fame
like Colonel Kurtz
but you went to prison for robbery
and that really Hertz!
You'll never find peace
and you'll never find true love
Your chances are shrinking
like a leather glove!
You can't be saved by Al Cowlings
and your lawyers are restricted.
In Hell, you'll be howling
because the truth has convicted!

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!

Epic...

Rap Battles of History!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 1.6
How Funny: 1.6
Overall Rating: 1.6

Total Votes: 31

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   5
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

CML - December 02, 2022 - Report this comment
I knew all about Richard Kimble, but who is this OJ Simpson guy you're talking ... Is he the same guy who played the role a Heisman Trophy winning running back way back in the Late Sixties? I remember watching that show on Saturday afternoon as a kid. As I recall, it only lasted two seasons
Michael Pacholek - December 12, 2022 - Report this comment
Yes, but there was a gritty reboot in the mid-90s. (Sorry, but it took me 10 days to think of a witty comeback.)
CML - December 14, 2022 - Report this comment
I recall that reboot. Interesting in its way, but I had some problems with the production ... It mo ed too slowly
CML - December 14, 2022 - Report this comment
MOOVED too slowly, that is ... BTW, what was the name of that show? Was it "OJ And The Bronco"? ....... For some of our youngling parodists, thats a reference to a pathologically moronic show from that era called "BJ And The Bear."

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