Cobbler, Cobbler, Splend' Eschew
(Cobbler, Cobbler, Mend My Shoe)

Cobbler, cobbler, Splend'* eschew:
Glucose inches to 2-0-2.
I should choose those peas in pod.
All this sucrose makes me nod.

*Splenda, a sugar substitute

[Cobbler, cobbler, mend my shoe,
Give it a stitch and that will do.
Here's a nail, and there's a prod,
And now my shoe is well shod.]


They Nibble, Nibble
(Hey Diddle Diddle)

They nibble, nibble,
And fatten their middle,
Like cows unmilked since last June.
A big hot dog; quaff Slurpee--a quart.
To desist, they ram up the coke spoon.


Spay--Dribble, Dribble
(Hey Diddle Diddle)

Spay--dribble, dribble,
The cat has just piddled,
The cow dumped in the front room.
The little dog lapped up pee, a quart.
The dik-dik's* randy with a raccoon.

*African antelope


Pickled Meat, Pickled Meat
(Higgledy, Piggledy, My Black Hen)

Pickled meat, pickled treat, I've a yen
For pigs' feet. In sty or pen
'Fore they fried; pry open
Big jars of pickled feet--nine or ten.

[Higgledy, piggledy, my black hen,
She lays eggs for gentlemen;
Sometimes nine, sometimes ten;
Higgledy, piggledy, my black hen.]


Salmon on Monday
(Solomon Grundy)

Salmon on Monday,
Corn on Monday,
Crisp hen on Tuesday,
Herring on Wednesday,
Pickles on Thursday,
Wurst on Friday,
Fries on Saturday,
Berries on Sunday.
"This sh*t must end,
Now sell me a sundae!"

[Solomon Grundy,
Born on a Monday,
Christened on Tuesday,
Married on Wednesday,
Took ill on Thursday,
Worse on Friday,
Died on Saturday,
Buried on Sunday.
This is the end
Of Solomon Grundy.]