Ticks hitchin’ on, on our walk,
their kitchen: your bloodstock.
If blown up’s one,
it’s just chowed down.
Ditch hitchin’ ticks’—kick ’em off.

Ticks in the sticks, on our walk;
around sometimes they flock.
They hop on you
then bore and chew.
Ticks: on they stick like dried caulk.

Ticks to flick off on our walk,
especially a big flock.
If one’s on me,
I’ll make it flea [sic].
Ticks: quick, flick off friggin’ flock!

Ticks stick to skin, get a lock,
sometimes beneath your locks
or under your
pants to bore for gore.
Nix ticks with thick, heavy socks.

“Nix Stix Tix Prix” is a mock
head from a rag that gawks
at the stars’ lives;
still today it thrives.
This is the riff I ripped off.*

Ticks prick sans lips when you walk;
Once they have got a lock,
they do not lick,
as in they stick:
Ticks drink like hicks swiggin’ bock.

Ticks’ shtik: to sic when you walk.
They’ll hide behind a rock.
When past you’re steppin’,
on you they’ll be schleppin’.
Ticks sic then prick while you walk.

Ticks stick like ships to a dock
tied so tight they don’t rock.
Just hope your fate
ain’t one for mate.
Ticks stick like ships in dry dock.

Ticks: icky things that we mock
when we go on a walk.
“Bloodsucking swine;
like pigs they dine!”
This tick-diss kibitz we talk.

Ticks slip quick ’neath unfixed frock
loosened during a walk.
So, no loose ends
in your duds, my friends:
nix ticks slippin’ ’neath a frock.

Ticks slip quick ’neath unfixed smock
loosened during a walk.
So do not be messin’
around when you’re dressin’:
nix ticks slippin’ ’neath a smock.

Ticks sicken, brix**-swiggin’ pox!
So when you go on walks,
to avoid doom,
groom with deet spume:
spritz anti-tick ante-walk!


*STICKS NIX HICK PIX was a headline printed in Variety, on July 17, 1935, over an article about the reaction of rural audiences to movies about rural life. It is one of the most famous headlines ever to appear in an American publication.

**Degrees Brix (symbol °Bx) is the sugar content of an aqueous solution—such as blood in this case.