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Song Parodies -> "Hey, Master Yoda"
Original Song Title:
"Gee, Officer Krupke"
Original Performer:
Mickey Calin
Parody Song Title:
"Hey, Master Yoda"
Parody Written by:
Michael Pacholek
The Lyrics
Mickey Who? He played Riff in the original 1957 Broadway cast of "West Side Story." Russ Tamblyn played him in the 1961 film. Of course, by the time Episode III comes out in 2005, the middle of this song might not fit anymore, but I had to try. You know how it is.
Anakin Skywalker: Those guys, they believe everything they hear 'round the galaxy about us cruddy Jedis.
So that's what we'll give 'em: Somethin' to believe in!
Yoda: Hey, you!
Anakin: Who, me?
Yoda: Yes, you! One good reason give me why train you as a Jedi we should, you punk!
Anakin: Dear kindly Master Yoda, you gotta understand.
I am the Force's coda, soon balance is in hand.
I never had a father, my mother is a slave.
That's who I must go on back and save!
Jedi Council: Hey there, Master Yoda, he's very upset.
He never had the love that every child oughta get.
He ain't just a slave boy, it's well understood.
Let Qui-Gon train him, he'll be good.
Qui-Gon Jinn: He'll be good.
Council: He'll be good, he'll be good, he'll be Jedi good.
But if the Dark Side gets him, that's no good!
Mace Windu: But Qui-Gon's been taken out of the story.
Anakin: Then how can I save my world?
Yoda: Trained by Obi-Wan shall you be!
Anakin: Dear Obi-Wan Kenobi, my Mom was treated rough.
Those Sand People so grody, I showed them who was tough.
And you remember Padme? That girl I now have had!
Suff'rin' starships, tell me, is that bad?
Obi-Wan Kenobi: No. Dear Master Yoda, you're really a square.
This boy don't need a judge, he needs some family care.
It's just his impulses that oughta be curbed.
He's just romantically disturbed!
Anakin: I'm disturbed!
Council: He's disturbed, he's disturbed, he's by love disturbed.
Like, he's so erotically disturbed!
Padme Amidala: Hear ye, hear ye: In the opinion of this Senator,
this young man is depraved on account of he never had a real father.
Anakin: Hey, I'm bad 'cause I don't have a Dad!
Padme: So take him to Chancellor Palpatine.
Anakin: I have avenged my Mommy, and now I've got the girl.
I faced Kenobi's whommy, I think I'm gonna hurl.
My breathing's getting harder, and I can't wear this dress.
Where's my armor, I must bring distress!
Palpatine: Yes! Hey, Jedi Council, I'm one with the Force!
This ain't the time for Republics, it's for Emperors!
And now I will play you my terrible trick:
Take a look at Anakin's light-stick!
Vader: See my stick!
Council: See his stick! See his stick! It's a big red stick!
And inside our bodies does he stick!
Aiiiiyeeeeeeee!
Palpatine: In my opinion, the Republic is at an end forever.
Democracy is purely a social disease.
Vader: Hey, you cured us of a social disease!
Palpatine: No more Jedi, no more Republic, no more Padme...
but there is a great disturbance in the Force.
It's almost as if Vader has a child... or two...
Luke Skywalker: Dear big bad Lord Darth Vader, you say I am your son.
You took out your lightsaber, and now my hand is gone.
But now we're on the Death Star, the Emperor is glad.
But he's wrong, I don't think you're all bad!
Vader: Yes, old Master Yoda, he was right again
and so were you, my son Luke, and so even was Ben.
And as I lay dying, at last understood
deep down inside of me was good.
Luke: There was good!
Anakin: There was good, there was good, there was Jedi good.
Deep inside of me was Jedi good!
Star Wars Fan 1: I didn't like the sequel!
Star Wars Fan 2: I didn't like the first!
Star Wars Fan 3: The fifth one has no equal!
Star Wars Fan 4: The sixth one was the worst!
Star Wars Fan 5: The third one better be good!
Star Wars Fan 6: I think it will be dreck!
All: At least we don't like that dumb "Star Trek!"
Hey, Master Yoda, can you help us, please?
Yoda: Spend ten bucks on movies do you? A social disease!
Fans: Hey, Master Yoda, what are we to do?
Yoda: Remember the Force is...with you!
So that's what we'll give 'em: Somethin' to believe in!
Yoda: Hey, you!
Anakin: Who, me?
Yoda: Yes, you! One good reason give me why train you as a Jedi we should, you punk!
Anakin: Dear kindly Master Yoda, you gotta understand.
I am the Force's coda, soon balance is in hand.
I never had a father, my mother is a slave.
That's who I must go on back and save!
Jedi Council: Hey there, Master Yoda, he's very upset.
He never had the love that every child oughta get.
He ain't just a slave boy, it's well understood.
Let Qui-Gon train him, he'll be good.
Qui-Gon Jinn: He'll be good.
Council: He'll be good, he'll be good, he'll be Jedi good.
But if the Dark Side gets him, that's no good!
Mace Windu: But Qui-Gon's been taken out of the story.
Anakin: Then how can I save my world?
Yoda: Trained by Obi-Wan shall you be!
Anakin: Dear Obi-Wan Kenobi, my Mom was treated rough.
Those Sand People so grody, I showed them who was tough.
And you remember Padme? That girl I now have had!
Suff'rin' starships, tell me, is that bad?
Obi-Wan Kenobi: No. Dear Master Yoda, you're really a square.
This boy don't need a judge, he needs some family care.
It's just his impulses that oughta be curbed.
He's just romantically disturbed!
Anakin: I'm disturbed!
Council: He's disturbed, he's disturbed, he's by love disturbed.
Like, he's so erotically disturbed!
Padme Amidala: Hear ye, hear ye: In the opinion of this Senator,
this young man is depraved on account of he never had a real father.
Anakin: Hey, I'm bad 'cause I don't have a Dad!
Padme: So take him to Chancellor Palpatine.
Anakin: I have avenged my Mommy, and now I've got the girl.
I faced Kenobi's whommy, I think I'm gonna hurl.
My breathing's getting harder, and I can't wear this dress.
Where's my armor, I must bring distress!
Palpatine: Yes! Hey, Jedi Council, I'm one with the Force!
This ain't the time for Republics, it's for Emperors!
And now I will play you my terrible trick:
Take a look at Anakin's light-stick!
Vader: See my stick!
Council: See his stick! See his stick! It's a big red stick!
And inside our bodies does he stick!
Aiiiiyeeeeeeee!
Palpatine: In my opinion, the Republic is at an end forever.
Democracy is purely a social disease.
Vader: Hey, you cured us of a social disease!
Palpatine: No more Jedi, no more Republic, no more Padme...
but there is a great disturbance in the Force.
It's almost as if Vader has a child... or two...
Luke Skywalker: Dear big bad Lord Darth Vader, you say I am your son.
You took out your lightsaber, and now my hand is gone.
But now we're on the Death Star, the Emperor is glad.
But he's wrong, I don't think you're all bad!
Vader: Yes, old Master Yoda, he was right again
and so were you, my son Luke, and so even was Ben.
And as I lay dying, at last understood
deep down inside of me was good.
Luke: There was good!
Anakin: There was good, there was good, there was Jedi good.
Deep inside of me was Jedi good!
Star Wars Fan 1: I didn't like the sequel!
Star Wars Fan 2: I didn't like the first!
Star Wars Fan 3: The fifth one has no equal!
Star Wars Fan 4: The sixth one was the worst!
Star Wars Fan 5: The third one better be good!
Star Wars Fan 6: I think it will be dreck!
All: At least we don't like that dumb "Star Trek!"
Hey, Master Yoda, can you help us, please?
Yoda: Spend ten bucks on movies do you? A social disease!
Fans: Hey, Master Yoda, what are we to do?
Yoda: Remember the Force is...with you!
To any "Star Trek" fans offended by the last verse, I just needed a good rhyme. Get a life, will ya, people?
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Voting Breakdown
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| 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 3 | 3 | 3 |
User Comments
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Oh yeah...like 'A long time ago in a galaxy far away' is better than 'where no man has gone before.' You and I both know that Anakin Skywalker would get his ass and a few other choice limbs handed to him if he went up against Commander Worf in a hand to hand battle.
"romantically disturbed" :-) nice reference to that horrible love scene in #2.
Uh, hate to burst your bubble, Sync, but if you'll recall Episode IV, you'll remember that Anakin/Vader could choke Worf to death without even touching him. Granted, that would be "without honor," but it's still true. Recall also, in Episode V, Han Solo fired several blaster shots directly at him on Bespin, to no effect. Chances are, Vader could withstand a blast from a Starfleet phaser or a Klingon disruptor. And, in that armor, he probably couldn't even be assimilated by the Borg. Considering how much thought we've put into this, maybe we should BOTH get a life. LOL
One point in Star Trek's favor though: How come, despite similar technologies (faster-that-light ships, moon-sized space stations, etc.), Star Wars doesn't have transporters? Did the Empire really supress technological thought that much, a la the Nazis never getting close to building The Bomb because their best scientists fled to America?
Get a life? I did the next best thing- I married a hot Asian chick who's into Star Trek as much as I am. So, live long and prosper, my brother!
Fascinating! Roddenberry would approve!
Since Episode III is now out, I can now say that I pretty much got it right, except that the Clone Troopers wiped out the Jedi before Anakin/Vader "faced Kenobi's whommy" and needed to put on the armor. And his light-saber was still blue at the time, not the traditional Sith red. Other than that, I think I got away with it.
Hmm! Got away with it did you, Young Michaelwalker!
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