[1st Verse (Gordon)]
Every Night He Appears In My Dreams
Since I First Saw Him At The Start
I Am His Perfect Parent
I'm Good, You're Just A Tart

[Chorus]
The Kid Is Mine
The Cute Little Kid Is Mine
I Know He's Mine
Because The Goddamn Kid Is Mine

[2nd Verse (Dara)]
I Don't Understand The Way You Think
Saying He Must Live With You
You Say My Brain's Too Small To Shrink
Hey, I Have Potential Too

[Chorus]
I Know He's Mine
The Cute Little Kid Is Mine
Don't Waste Your Time
Because The Goddamn Kid Is Mine

[Bridge (Dara)]
I'm Nicer Than He
(I'll Do Anything)

[Gordon]
You'll Be Better Off With Me
(Don't Go With That Dumb Thing)

[Gordon & Dara]
So Come To Me
You're My Son

[Gordon]
He's No Sisters Or Brothers
So It's One Or The Other
And One Day You'll Discover
That You, Dara, Will Not Be His Mother

[3rd Verse (Dara)]
I'M Adopting Him And That's Final
His Eyes Were On Me All That Time

[Gordon]
I Know He Wants Me As A Dad
'Cause I've Got More Of A Spine

Chorus (Gordon)
The Kid Is Mine
The Cute Little Kid Is Mine
Don't Waste Your Time
Because The Cute Little Kid Is Mine

[Gordon & Daral]
He's Mine, He's Mine
No, No, No, He's Mine
The Kid Is Mine, The Kid Is Mine
The Kid Is Mine, The Kid Is Mine

[Dara]
The Kid Is Mine, (Yep) He's Mine
The Kid Is Mine, (Yep) He's Mine

[Gordon]
Hey, There Are Signs
That The Kid'll Soon Be Mine
The Kid Is Mine, The Kid Is Mine

[Dara]
Gordon, We Cant Keep Throwing Insults To Eachother, Got That?

[Gordon]
Dara, I Think I Told You, My Insults Are Actual Facts

[Dara]
As If they were, Gordon
He Told Me That I'm His Perfect Mother, You See, I've Been Telling You For Like, Forever

[Gordon]
Well, He Said To Me That I'm Such A Good Father He Wouldn't Want A Mother

[Dara]
Is That REALLY What He Said

[Gordonl]
Yes, That's Exactly What He Said, Loser

[Dara]
I Don't Believe This

[Gordon & Dara]
The Kid Is Mine (Mine, Mine, Mine)

[(Repeat 'Till End)]