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Song Parodies -> "Diamonds Are This Churl’s Best Friend (Sequel)"

Original Song Title:

"Diamonds Are a Gir's Best Friend"

Original Performer:

Marilyn Monroe

Parody Song Title:

"Diamonds Are This Churl’s Best Friend (Sequel)"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Turns out the Newtser had 2 titanic charge accounts at Tiffany. President?! This guy needs to be Sec. of the Treasury.
His Tiffany jags even more monumental:
Yes, diamonds are this churl’s best friend.
The Tiffany [price] tags are beyond “incidental”;
It seems that this man has problems that are mental.
His diamond mind is without end:
We have now learned that
Two accounts make Tiffany fat.

Has he sold
Some of his gold
So he can go and on diamonds spend?
His big gut is pear-shaped;
Have his sluts got hair draped?
Diamonds are this churl’s best friend.

Tiffany’s. . . .

There may come a time when this ass needs a lawyer,
If diamonds funds he used to spend
Have come from a campaign-contributions deployer
Who might think it not nice
To roll the dice to buy some ice.

He’s the guy
To whom, “Bye-bye!”
Staff said as their employment did end.
They seen that this louse is
A wackjob whose spouse is
Dying—he shtups a girlfriend.

His sordid affairs
Were not strictly Platonic
As wife was nearing mortal end.

He thinks of affairs
As a patriotic tonic,
As when he gets
Off with his pets as if Heffesque.
Slime holds on;
This dude’s a con—
Stories ain’t straight, and so they all bend.
Bullshit lack—not him, he’s
Like on crack at Tiffany’s.

Diamonds! Diamonds!
He seeks the fine stones.
Slut—diamonds for this churl will spend.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

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Patrick - June 22, 2011 - Report this comment
It's tough to run a campaign when your sinking ship deserts the rat. Drape yourself in expensive jewelry and then go begging for money. Real "conservative". Oh well, African blood diamond smugglers have to eat too.
LadyGotRocks - June 22, 2011 - Report this comment
Our current politicians are over supplying a heap of material for this webSite, Sir ! ! . . . W R I T E ~ O N . . . SirSweaty !
John Barry - June 22, 2011 - Report this comment
So true, Patrick and LGR. These ghastly pols practically write the parodies for you with their antics.
NEWTer Gingrich - June 23, 2011 - Report this comment
I like this parody. Newt is always up to no good. Hey, dirty deeds done dirt cheap. We've just suffered thru an administration where the Prez and VP both have DUI convictions. Ya don't think the Grinch can "spin" (bulls***) his way around his shenangigans as well, do ya? I hope not! He needs to be an inmate, not Sec. of Treasury. Keep cool.

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