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Song Parodies -> "Costanza"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Lorne Greene

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Some people say the best TV show ever is "Bonanza." Some people say it's "Seinfeld." Can they possibly have anything in common? Well, a main cast of four. The main character was concerned with neatness. Ben "Pa" Cartwright: "Take your feet off the table!" Jerry Seinfeld: "Kramer, I don't want Newman in my apartment, tracking crumbs everywhere, using my bathroom!" Other than that...
Tight with a buck, he's such a little schmuck
He tells the girl, and he's gonna make her hurl
"Look, it's not you, it's me!"
Look at him gorge, that guy name o' George
If the eclair's on top o' the trash
he'll make it history!

In New York, he's such a dork.
He'd be cool in L.A.!
Daily News is his muse
must read it today!

Side Upper West, and surely you jest
If anyone laughs at one us
he'll be laughing at Jerry!
He's got a right, the pilot to co-write
With a script full o' rubbish, he's such a little nebbish
gets turned down at NBC!

Elaine knows, and Cosmo
he's a twisted mind!
Architect, I suspect
he ain't too refined!

Says, "Here am I, the master of the lie
If anyone's Lord of the Idiots
you know it's gotta be me!"
He's goin' bald, his toupee's recalled
He may be fat, but he's got no guts
and his parents won't let him be!



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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Johnny D - January 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Michael, great job - I know the original song, and you nailed it !
Olvan The Terrible - January 12, 2004 - Report this comment
What's the deal with all the Low Voters?
Jack Wilson - January 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job, MIke!
Michael Pacholek - January 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Either George has his defenders, Olvan, or the Ones Guy is in the middle of a family reunion.
Claude Prez - January 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job Hoss
Frank Costanza - April 08, 2004 - Report this comment
What the hell were you thinking, making fun of my boy?! He's a good kid, but he makes a lot of stupid mistakes. It doesn't give you the right to say those bad things about him!
Kramer - June 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Some stuff I don't understand, like a dork in new york, but he'd be cool in L.A.. L.A. is much more superficious and imagy than NY, so it rhymes, but it doesn't make sense. Side Upper West is twisted around. And rubbish doesn't rhyme with nebbish. There are free rhyme dictionaries online. And you cannot do a costanza song and not talk about masterbating to glamor magazine or killing his girlfriend or dating marisa tomay or the suit he hid so he could get it onsale. These are the biggest thing in his whole character.
Michael Pacholek - June 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Listen, Cosmo, sometimes a real song just isn't long enough. I know of one song I made twice as long to get in enough references. And I added a verse to "Honky Tonk Women" to get in enough Bush babes to make a decent "Drunky Flunk Women." And I did mention George indirectly causing Susan's death in "Jumping O'er the Shark." Now that you mention it, the hiding the suit thing was one of the funnier moments, and he did end up "paying for it." But if you're gonna pick nits, how come you didn't mention that I didn't mention "shrinkage"? And after 400 parodies, I think I know what I'm doing. Though I do not claim to be the master of THIS domain.

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