M-M-Make a choice, time for bed, hey!

Drives me mad, ayy, I can't stand, ayy
All your decorations, sure not bland, ayy
That's a fact, ayy, dial it back, ayy
Dial it back, ayy
This whole thing's been a disaster
You might think that you're a master
But because you must be a perfecter
That means that you're not an ender

You swore that long ago that this won't
Take up time, it wasn't so
Because you just can't make up your mind, 'cause
Perfection's not made itself known
You had promised that this wouldn't take all friggin' day
Sick of pickin' tree bits out of my damn nails, okay?
Better make a choice because I'm sick of
How often we've had to start over (uh, need to, uh)

Need to string the tinsel up, need to take it down because
You think that the colour's off, need to string you up with it now
Should we just simply red-and-green it, huh? Go all white for a snow feelin', huh?
What if folks hate what they're seein', huh? Nobody cares that much, ya big eejit, yeah, yeah, yeah (yeah)
Ayy, oh, you're stupid
If you think an ugly tree makes Christmas ruined
Anyone who's claimin' that, not only douchey
But are made up for the bottom-grade movies (yo-oh-oh)
You might think it's a disaster
'Cause you're so sure you're a master
But the time you take to make it better
Brings you closer to the blender

You told me long ago that you hope (ayy, ayy, ayy, ayy)
To make ev'ryone's minds blown (ev'rybody's mind is blown)
But what you've done is put yourself upon (ayy, ayy, ayy, ayy)
A high-ass pedestal, you know (dude, you're the one who put you there)
As long as it's vertical, think it'll be okay (ah, ooh, ooh)
'Cause the constant bendin' over has my back in pain (ah, ooh, ooh)
Can just say the tree is done, give it up
Minimalism isn't bogus, yeah

You asshole, let me leave, my words are gonna get nasty
Or with the branches, I'll stab thee, don't care what is or ain't flashy (whoo!)
Fifteen crates of your balls, can't take anymore, go on and slap me (mmm)
'Cause my opinion won't change much if I'm knocked out on my ass cheeks
Ev'ry ornament you propose
Is one more minute I let go which I could've spent eatin' toast
Or dreamin' battle scenes, rackin' mad debt up but I'll never know
Since you chained and locked ev'ry door so no-one could see your work, bro (bro)
Can't you be done sooner (ayy)? Had plans for my future (ayy)
But I lost my hope when your schtick spread out like a tumour
Though I can still find some humour 'cause I heard a little rumour (rumour)
Normally hate to be rude but since I'm captive, screw it (mmm):
You're a real late bloomer (mmm), time's sewed up like sutures (mmm)
Christmas was on the weekend that just passed by, you slow-mover (whoo!)
Hope that news flash put you in a stupor
So I can use that tree as a wall remover

I told you long ago that you'd go (ayy, ayy, ayy, ayy)
And throw effort on the floor (all that effort on the floor)
Is that a real sayin'? Not sure because (ayy, ayy, ayy, ayy)
My brain is nothin' but a core (higher thought functions are nowhere)
By the twenty-seven-thousandth time you rearranged (ah, ooh, ooh)
I was ready to make you the big Christmas buffet (ah, ooh, ooh)
'Cause I ran out of eggnog spiked with vodka
Give it up, holiday's over, yeah

Man, you're Christmas tree crazy, mmm
Each year, Christmas tree crazy, yeah