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Song Parodies -> "Trainees"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Katy Perry

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

If you're gonna make someone in your business teach the new guys the ropes, you'd think you'd get someone who knows what they're doing. Not one of the mostly-new guys.
Worked for three weeks, yet to cause major damage
I guess that's one reason why the whole meetin' thing happened
"Follow him 'round, don't be scared to question"
I have one: why me?

There must be someone out there smarter than me now
Qualified to show anybody new around
Where ev'ry item may be, not yet stored inside my brain-meats
So why give me all these trainees, trainees, trainees?
Their trainin' will go nowhere, this won't help 'em out
I'm sure this'll only clog up the damn aisle now
No, I'm not bein' lazy, just can't do the task you gave me
I can't handle all these trainees, trainees, trainees

Can't teach 'em much, this whole deal here is lackin'
Because there's not much I know outside cardboard box stackin'
Since I have not handled cash money
It should not be me

Look, all that I do out there is throwin' trash out (throw it out)
Haven't even shown me where the ladder is now
The top shelf's out my range, see, so I don't know why you'd make me
Teach what I know to these trainees, trainees, trainees
This has to be a joke, there's a "Psych!" comin' now
I don't even know if we bag things ourselves, how
Did things get so damn crazy that it seems a little shady
That it's me saddled with trainees, trainees, trainees?

Yeah, yeah-eah-eah-eah-eah-eah-eah-eah-eah-eah-eah (oh-oh, I can't handle trainees)
Yeah, yeah-eah-eah-eah-eah-eah-eah-eah-eah-eah-eah

This won't work out, somethin' is suspicious
Why push this on me?

This plan of yours is out there, need to knock it down
Ev'rybody knows that the noob can't teach shit now
Your reasonin' is hazy, this is not leadership trainin'
This'll only hurt the trainees, trainees, trainees
I think that I'll head home where no-one's handin out (handin' out)
Dumb assignments, know that you'll probably sack me now
But that'll be just gravy, I don't want a boss that's crazy
Good luck dealin' with those trainees, trainees, trainees

No bet on if those trainees were being paid in "experience", which is about one step above "exposure" as the worst thing to get paid in. At least you can add experience to a resumé.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 2

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 5   2

User Comments

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Peter Andersson - January 31, 2022 - Report this comment
This resonated with me because for a long time I was the one who taught most of the noobs at my workplace. Yeah, I still remember most of the first poor coupla gals, I totally had to wing it the first coupla years because I quickly found out that the training techniques that were taught to me and supposed to work according totally didn't, maybe the had twenty years before, but that's a story for another day. 555.
the_conqueror_of_parodies - January 31, 2022 - Report this comment
Thanks for your comment Peter. Interesting read.
Peter Andersson - February 01, 2022 - Report this comment
It boils down to realism about the real work - imagine (analogy coming) being a street decorator and roadside cleaner in a system where schools doesn't teach your future collegues what trash, dog poo and overnight graffiti really looks like (not to mention having to deal with car crashes every now and then because some streets signs are incompatible and there's nothing anyone can do about that part except live with it).
the_conqueror_of_parodies - February 02, 2022 - Report this comment
I know. Bad isn’t it?

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