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Song Parodies -> "The Ten Commandments"

Original Song Title:

"My Favorite Things"

Original Performer:

Julie Andrews

Parody Song Title:

"The Ten Commandments"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Kristof Robertson told us that God needs a better PR image, in his parody "What If God Was Bono Vox?". TT commented that he would have to see what he could do about that, but he wasn't really sure what he could do. Then, while crawling down the beach, he saw this burning bush....
I am the Lord God, your only and One God
You shall not worship the Moon God or Sun God
No golden idols or any such things
These are the first two Commandments He brings [1]

Do not take lightly the name that I'm bearing
You must not run around cursing and swearing
Using My name vainly, Lordly wrath stings
This is Commandment Three that Moses brings

Honor the Sabbath day; rest; keep it holy
Football or NASCAR with beer, guacamole?
Spiritu'al solace, not buffalo wings
This is Commandment Four that Moses brings

When you're wand'ring
In the desert
Moral compass, shot
Just try to remember these ten holy things
And then you will do: wrong, not!

Honor your mother and honor your father
Even though, frankly, they're sometimes a bother
They did their best, though they're not Queens or Kings
That is Commandment Five that Moses brings

Here's a Commandment you must give top billing:
Know that the Lord God does not approve killing
Try to respect life of all living things
That is Commandment Six that Moses brings

Married folks, do not fall into adult'ry
No matter how hot, good looking, or sultry
Honor the vows of those little gold rings
That is the Seventh Commandment He brings

When you're tempted,
Devil, trap springs
Feel like being cad
Just simply remember these ten sacred things
And then you won't do so bad

Let me write one more verse, even if paltry
Seems here's where most people's memory's faultry
No extra sex; extramarital flings
Break up the family when Mom or Pop swings

Re-frain from thieving and false testifying
Harming your neighbor by rumors or lying
Fraudulent dealing or stealing their things
Eighth and Ninth of the Commandments He brings

You shall not covet your neighbor's employee
Manservant, maidservant, young girl or boy-ee
Ox, ass, or wife, Not! -- Commandment Ten sings
(Note that his "wife" is just one of his "things") [2]

When discouraged
Thoughts of evil
When your spirit's tired
Just sing in remembrance of Tablets He brings
And then you will feel inspired!

[1] Some variation among sects as to which content is included in each Commandment of the Ten.

[2] Commonly quoted as "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife", which seems sort of redundant to Commandment #7. King James version, Ex. 20:17: "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's...." which seems more like a prohibition against envy and resentment (or against fomenting class resentment: Hello, John Edwards). Wives were just a "possession" then -- darn, why did we let that idea go? lol j/k. Kidding!!!

Religious homophobes cite this passage to justify their bigotry: "It says in the Bible that you shall not covet your neighbor's ass". Sounds like a prohibition on gayness to me! (yeah right). People can read anything they want to into anything....

Must admit to being not a huge participant in organized religion, but these Ten still seem like good ideas. Had already submitted one parody for today, but thanks to Kristof for the "inspiration", so to speak. © 2007 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.4
How Funny: 3.3
Overall Rating: 3.3

Total Votes: 27

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   11
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   16

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - August 22, 2007 - Report this comment
The Turtle is sacrilegious...Off with his head! ...I gather you crawl on the beach quite a lot.. This is funny as Hell! Fan-freakin-tastic! reading this parody should be the eleventh commandment....
John Barry - August 22, 2007 - Report this comment
I give you these 15 votes!
Arwen - August 22, 2007 - Report this comment
This was very well written, Tommy...I liked it!
Rex - August 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Holy Moses, this was well done. I covet your parody-writing ability. Oh, wait...
alvin - August 22, 2007 - Report this comment
nicely the concept
MasonR - August 22, 2007 - Report this comment
I covet this parody...oops! Great job, TT!
2Eagle - August 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Clever and amusing. However, when I read "The Ten Commandments" I think of a certain studmuffin festival by Cecil B. DeMille.
TT - August 22, 2007 - Report this comment
AFW, thanks. (What else would a turtle do? lol)... John Barry, thanks... Arwen, thanks, long time no see - glad ya could stop by.... Rex, thanketh thee... alvin, thanks... MasonR, thanks; te absolvo.... 2Eage, thanks... I'm trying to get MGM to make this the theme song for that movie :)
MrMacphisto - August 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Awesome job... 5-5-5... Although at this moment, it's currently 6-6-6 on the vote tally for 5s. ;)
TJC - August 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Masterful write and so unbelieveably rapidly created...High Fiveth!
Moses Turtle - August 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Mr. MacPhisto: Uh-oh, how spooky :) ... thanks.

TJC, thy humble servant proffereth hith gratitude.
Kristof Robertson - August 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Great answer to the question I posed yesterday, TT! "Married folks, do not fall into adult'ry/ No matter how hot, good looking, or sultry" in particular tickled me. 555 stone tablets for you.
Phil Alexander - August 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Kristof picked my favourite couplet (I guess I shouldn't say my favourite is adultery.. it may be taken out of context). I guess in my 10 Commandments parody, I rather overstated that one ;-)
TT - August 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Kristof Robertson, thanks; glad to help :)
Phil Alexander, I guess we both knew what needed the most emphasis lol :)... Probably just as well that a certain "slowly" doesn't see this parody -- some big "toes" there, so to speak, as you found out :)
Peregrin - August 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Yea, verily, a turtle named Tommy doth appear, and followed Commandment # 11 : Go forth, and rhyme.
TT - August 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Peregrin, yea, verily, thanks.
Meriadoc - August 24, 2007 - Report this comment
This was a masterpiece! I bow down before your creativity (Oooops, that would be breaking #1, wouldn't it...?)
TT - August 24, 2007 - Report this comment
To h*ll with the parody, Merry, just the thought of you bowing down before me..... heheheh :)... (thanks M.)
Peter Andersson - August 25, 2007 - Report this comment
As any good parody writer I'm zero down and ten to go in this area...
TT - August 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Peter Andersson, I'm sure we all fall a little short here, but... uh... just exactly how many people have you killed? (lol) thanks, K1.
Wicked Green Queen - August 27, 2007 - Report this comment
This was a very entertaining way of looking at the ten commandments. Some ways were even said in a funny way in this song!
TT - August 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Wicked Green Queen, thanks.
Patrick - June 21, 2011 - Report this comment
Thou shalt not wait 4 years to comment on a parody this fine. I could see this being sung in a Sunday school to slightly older kids to help them remember. I knew an atheist whose professed morality did not vary much from the above. He claimed Moses attributed the Commandments to a God in order to gain acceptance. I asked this guy "If Moses didn't get them from God, how did he come by them?". The above song also reminds me of a joke that may be inappropriate here. If you want to hear it you can go through the usual channels.
Tommy Turtle - June 21, 2011 - Report this comment
Patrick: Of course you can e-mail me the joke.

If I don't get my parodies from God, how do I get them? (Never go for the obvious, i. e., "Satan", LOL!) ... seriously, there's a principle in logic that the lack of other apparent explanations does not prove a given one. (He could have thought them up himself.) The ancients could think of no other explanation for lightning than Zeus hurling his bolts of anger. A couple of thousand years later, another explanation was found.

Where the Ten came from is irrelevant to the fact that they're generally pretty good rules to live by, *as noted in the outro*. Thanks for the v/c, and feel free to read/v/c anything else, regardless of time lag.
Lifeliver - April 11, 2013 - Report this comment
No less than eleven 111s here. Amazing! What are people thinking? I find nothing blasphemous or sacrilegious in these verses, just a darn good parody which shows respect for the tenets of orthodox biblical interpretation. Personally, it's the first four rules that bug me. The others are pretty much common sense, in principle at least. Have some more compensatory (and earned) fives.
Al Silver - April 11, 2013 - Report this comment
I agree with LL. When you avoid the verbal pyrotechnics, your parodies turn out best. Please eschew the footnotes. They detract from the parody. Know when to get off the stage.
Tommy Turtle - April 13, 2013 - Report this comment
@ LL: Alas, the Turtle carelessly and insensitively insulted a long-time participant here, which is the probable source of the 111s. I regret that, but let's not make it worse by going into the details. Thanks for the vote and comment.

@ Al Silver: As a former professional actor, I must admit that there have been times when I eschewed the scenery. (far-stretched pun, I know) Thanks for the vote and comment.

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