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Song Parodies -> "My Fictional Flings"

Original Song Title:

"My Favorite Things"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Julie Andrews

Parody Song Title:

"My Fictional Flings"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Regrettably, not one of these has turned out to be real... yet. They are roughly in chronological order.
Pain drops on my heart from wanting sex kittens.
Hopelessly seeking those who've got me smitten.
Yet one more hopeless fake song from my slings:
These are a few of my fictional flings.

First there was Valerie, Mrs. Van Halen.
Wedded to metal, I'm weepin' and wailin'.
Went for the guy who blazed through guitar strings.
That was the first of my fictional flings.

Brooks Shields was wearing the Kleins made of denim.
All of her charms, she has never been sendin'.
Kathy Ireland in bathing-suit strings.
These are a few of my fictional flings.

My love-life bites.
Emptiness stings.
Leaves me feeling sad.
Oh, like you haven't got fictional flings?
You've also had it... that bad!

Marina Sirtis, the Enterprise counselor.
Lives in the future, where I cannot pounce her.
I'll never catch her on warp-driven wings.
She's remained one of my fictional flings.

Lois Lane, Desperate Housewife, Teri Hatcher.
I am not super, I never can catch her.
Real and spectacular, jello on springs. *
That's why she's one of my fictional flings.

I've got a great big Jones for Catherine Zeta.
Married to Douglas, I never will meet her.
J-Lo is smokin', who cares how she sings.
These are a few of my fictional flings.

My love-life bites.
Emptiness stings.
Leaves me feeling sad.
Oh, like you haven't got fictional flings?
You've also had it... that bad!

Mary-Louise, well, I'd sure like to park 'er
in a nice spot that we then would make darker.
Political activist on "The West Wing."
Too scared of C.J. to make her a fling.

Jolie good fellow I have become nightly.
Jessica Alba, Dark Angel shines brightly.
Juliya, mistress of Fuse, likes to swing.
These are a few of my fictional flings.

Not having luck in New Jersey, I'm roaming.
"Go west, young man," maybe out to Wyoming.
Out there, an elf who is fit for a king.
On this site, she is my fictional fling.

My love-life bites.
Emptiness stings.
Leaves me feeling sad.
Oh, like you haven't got fictional flings?
You've also had it... that bad!
* "Real and spectacular" = Teri Hatcher's description of her breasts in her 1993 guest-spot on "Seinfeld." "Like jello on springs" = Jack Lemmon's description of Marilyn Monroe in the 1959 film "Some Like It Hot," and he wasn't kidding, though she was before my time. And I would've liked to have known her, but I wasn't born yet. Her candle burned out long ago, but the world never will forget.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 5   9
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User Comments

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Tommy Turtle - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
You and Stuart M.... sigh... Funny and a good read. 555, but watch out for Spelling Cop hiding behind a billboard; could you Brooke another ticket on your record?
Arwen - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
This made me smile, Mr. Pacholek...=) That's a long list of lovely ladies, though...if I weren't so freaking self-involved, I might not think I was worthy to be on it...; )
Rick C - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Well done, Michael. Lots of laughs. They say that celibacy is good for maintaining creativity. This explains a lot. My favorite line is "Lives in the future, where I cannot pounce her" :-) 555
AFW - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Fiction with "Click-shun"...Quite a fantasy trip, here....and I agree with most of your seductive selections...a laugh a line..555
alvin rhodes - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
funny and heartfelt
Dee Range - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
While these may be fictional flings, the parody is real, and it's spectacular. Teri Hatcher being my fav fictional dream-gal, oc course that is my fav verse.
Stuart McArthur - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh....my....God!! Michael, I am 90% through finishing a parody on EXACTLY the same subject. I hereby declare that this coincidence is merely the product of great minds thinking alike, and I'd better post it today now to prove I wasn't copying you (trouble is there are about half a dozen shared inclusions: Teri, J-Lo, CZJ, Jess A. - unbelievable!) - btw great work here, and I loved all the sly references, and the witty post-comment - 555
Johnny D - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Can't think of a snappy Edmund Fitzgerald quip, so here's a triple 5.
Larry Hensley - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
It's so romantic, 555's!
Michael Pacholek - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Thank you, everyone. Tommy: Considering she chose Andre Agassi (briefly) and her current husband over me, Brooke doesn't deserve to have me spell her name right. What can I say, liking her was a youtfhul indiscretion. Rick C: I would very much like to test the other half of that theory. Stuart: Considering we're on opposite sides of the world, I think we can be forgiven any apparent ripoffs. Johnny: You can't think of a snappy comment? Then we're all in trouble! Arwen: Not worthy? Vous? Come on, you know I was saving the best for last. (And again here.)

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