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Song Parodies -> "The Card that Swipes Forever"

Original Song Title:

"The Stars and Stripes Forever"

Original Performer:

John Philip Sousa

Parody Song Title:

"The Card that Swipes Forever"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

Dreamed,
He,
Was marching,
On In-de-pen-dence Day!

He
Led the band
And in his hand
His drummin'-major staff was spinning and flying!

Right
Be-hind
Old Glor-y
He was
Leading 'em up-on that day!

Up!
And down!
He swung that staff
A-round
(Up-and-down-around! BOOM! Up-and-down-around!)
Up!
And down!
He swung that staff
A-round
(Up-and-down-around, hey!)

And
Then
He found
Up-on
The ground
A red-and-white-and-blue odd cig'rette-lighter

Dropped
It in
His pock-et
Thinking "Shouldn't throw this thing a-way..."

On-a'w'rd
He led the band
A-head
(Led the band a-head! BOOM! Led the band a-head!)
On-a'w'rd
He led the band
A-head
(Led the band a-head, hey!)

Then, at home,
While alone,
He looked a-gain,
At the light-er, he found, that morn-ing

Gave a flick
To the Bic

That did
The trick --

-- and what happened next surprised him with-out warn-ing!

Where the flame
Should come through,
Red, white, and blue
smoke popped-up like, bread from, a toast-er,

And there with a SHA-ZAM stood Uncle Sam,
Looking like he did up-on that fa-mous post-er!

"Two wish-es I give you for free,"
Said the stern pa-tri-arch of our na-tion!

The man said,
"Why not make it three?
I'm in debt, and, I'm quite need-y!"

Old Unc-le Sam frowned angrily
Then he leaned over, shook his finger, and, said --
"Your slave Uncle Sam will not be,
I think that two's enough for you -- now don't be greed-y!"

"Money money
money money
money money
mon--ey,
give me
mon-ey," the man said!

"Money money
money money
money money
mon--ey,
give me
mon-ey," the man said!

"Are you really SURE that IS what you want,"
Uncle Sam said, raising eyebrows

"Are you really SURE that IS what you want,"
Uncle Sam said, raising eyebrows

"Are you really sure that is what you want?"
"Are you really sure that is what you want?"

"Yes I really am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am!"
SHA-ZAM!

A ma-gic de-bit card ap-peared!

'Twas a card
the man could
swipe for-ev-er!

He swiped it for years and for years,
'Til the rich-est man was he!

He gained all that mon-ey could buy,
And his wealth grew be-yond the wild-est meas-ure!

But pain brought him tears and he cried,
When lone-li-ness became the price for all his pleas-ure!

"Money money
money money
money money
mon--ey's
not where
hap-pi-ness comes from!"

"Money money
money money
money money
mon--ey's
all I
have and I'm a bum!"

"How I wish I had my old life back now,"
cried the man to Uncle Sammy

"How I wish I had my old life back now,"
cried the man to Uncle Sammy

"Are you really sure that is what you want?"
"Are you really sure that is what you want?"

"Yes I really am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am!"
SHA-ZAM!

And then
The man woke
From his dream!

To a life he now val-ued much bet-ter!

A new
Point of view
Did he glean --

-- love and friendship's all he needs!

This sto-ry is now at its end
And its mor-al is really not so clev-er

The state of your soul is, my friend,
The only card,
The only card,
You'll swipe for-ev-er!

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 1
 1
 
 5   9
 8
 8
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin rhodes - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
i'd love to see a marching band going down the street singing this. ...lol...5s
Johnny D - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks very much, Alvin.
Tim Mayfield - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
A tad late for the 4th, but still timely. Uncle Sam only gives two wishes, huh? I guess that's in keeping with his tax rules. Three 5's, or is it only 2?
Rick C - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
There's a lesson here for all of us. Brilliantly written...555
AFW - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Great story, great moral, great parody..fives
John Barry - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
What everyone else said.
Red Ant - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent Johnny D.
Michael Pacholek - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Considering that almost nobody knows the words to the song, this was really impressive.
Johnny D - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks Tim, Rick C, AFW, JB, Red Ant, and Michael.
Adagio - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Johnny, you've got e-mail from me.
Stuart McArthur - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
that's ahuge effort, JD - I'm not full bottle on all the US references, so I'll just go along with everyone else and give it 5s
John Jenkins - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Very good message and parody. I liked the way you telegraphed part of the plot in your first word.
Johnny D - July 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks Adagio, Stuart, and John.
Matt - May 26, 2006 - Report this comment
I really enjoyed this!! I thought it was a good idea to transmit a moral. 55555 (if Uncle Sam will allow it)

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