I really can't stand either beets or tomatoes
If I even look at tomatoes I gag
Whoever said vegetables should be scarlet
When I buy produce, there's just greens in my bag

I can see in the market that they are on "special"
I really don't care, I am walking right by
Studies all show that the damn things aren't poisonous
I know if I bite one, I might as well die

I was once forced to eat one when I was a toddler
Just did not like it, it tasted like shit
The dog and cat shunned it, I knew that forever
That wherever I was, I would not order it

My friends say "Hey Dude, let's go order a pizza"
But I know that there's a tomato in there
So I say "forget it, let's nosh on some sushi"
And they think I'm crazy but I just don't care

I once had a basket that I had a use for
I found they were just fine for letting off rage
I went to a nightclub and watched some bad stand-up
The things were quite handy for pelting the stage

I love batting practice, I don't use a baseball
I gather up beets, my least favorite dish
I have a friend toss 'em, but not in a salad
I just love the sound that they make when they squish

So when you start cooking don't serve me that red stuff
Those beets and tomatoes might fall on the rug
And then you'll be slipping and mashing and staining
It's better than on my plate where I go "Ugh!"