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Song Parodies -> "Heinous Joys Your Man's Desiring"
Original Song Title:
"Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring"
Original Performer:
Johann Sebastian Bach
Parody Song Title:
"Heinous Joys Your Man's Desiring"
Parody Written by:
The Comedian
The Lyrics
"Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring", the final choral section from one of Johann Sebastian Bach's 200-plus cantatas, is probably Bach's most well-known piece of music, frequently heard at weddings, in movies, and during the holiday season. If you DKTOS, please click the link provided below the parody to hear an MP3 of the original song. This parody re-writes the short choral sections of the original, and also replaces the original's constantly-repeated, lilting violin part with parody lyrics.
[---moderate rhythmic tempo---]
"Stepford Women"
Who know
More about
Football than you do
Vibrating
Nacho-Dispensing
Reclining
Riding-Mowers
Robot-Dogs that walk themselves
And beer that's
Even better
After
Passing through you
And phones that kill tele-mar-keters whenever they call
(---brief instrumental---)
[---slow hymn-like tempo---]
Mirrrr---rored
X---Ray
Sunnnn---glass
Specs...
[---moderate rhythmic tempo---]
[---(counterpoint in parentheses at slow hymn-like tempo)---]
And a chocolate-chip cookie
That tastes great,
Does not make you fat,
And that
Firms-up (Viiiii---)
Your abs (---deeeos)
And your gut (That)
And that gives you (Reeee---)
Rock-hard (--eee--)
Chiseled (---wind)
Well-defined (Them-)
Arnold (-selves)
Schwar-ze-neg-ger pecs and biceps
Cars that never need
Washing
Or waxing
Or vacuuming
Boston-Baked beans
And sauer-kraut
That never will
Make you fart
Baseball caps that re-grow hair
Magic malt liquor
That makes
Your spare-tire
Disappear
And greasy fast-food that gives you a strong healthy heart
[---slow hymn-like tempo---]
Viiii-a-graaa-filled
Unnnn---der pants...
[---moderate rhythmic tempo---]
[---(counterpoint in parentheses at slow hymn-like tempo)---]
And a TV remote
With a built-in
Aladdin-type Genie
Who grants (Eeee---)
Every wish (--lec--)
And command (--tronnn-)
That springs forth (--ic)
From your (Gaaa--)
Ultra (--aaa--)
Hyper (--dgets ga-)
Testosterone-ized (--lore)
Head
Growing
Thick non-gray hair
Boxer shorts
That support
You
The way
Tighty-Whities
Do
Laser-removal
Of ugly
Protruding
Nose bristle-hair
Freedom to scratch in pub-lic
And free lifetime
Subscriptions
To
All of the magazines
That have ev-er
Been banned
In
Boston
Mas-sa-chu-setts
(---brief instrumental---)
[---slow hymn-like tempo---]
Cheese---fries
Thaaat---
Reeee--duuuuce
Your--fat...
[---moderate rhythmic tempo---]
And a wireless satellite
Skull-im-plan-ted
Cable TV
That pumps
The best porn
Deeply into your brain
[---slow hymn-like tempo---]
Es-cort girls
Up—load-ing your hard-drive...
(---brief instrumental---)
[---slow hymn-like tempo---]
Raaaa---zors
Thaaat---
Can shar-pen them-selves...
[---moderate rhythmic tempo---]
And a harem of groupies
Who know what you like
And who fight
For the right
To delight
And excite
You each night
And delight
In the sight
Of your white
Stuff in flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight
(---main theme repeats as instrumental ending---)
"Stepford Women"
Who know
More about
Football than you do
Vibrating
Nacho-Dispensing
Reclining
Riding-Mowers
Robot-Dogs that walk themselves
And beer that's
Even better
After
Passing through you
And phones that kill tele-mar-keters whenever they call
(---brief instrumental---)
[---slow hymn-like tempo---]
Mirrrr---rored
X---Ray
Sunnnn---glass
Specs...
[---moderate rhythmic tempo---]
[---(counterpoint in parentheses at slow hymn-like tempo)---]
And a chocolate-chip cookie
That tastes great,
Does not make you fat,
And that
Firms-up (Viiiii---)
Your abs (---deeeos)
And your gut (That)
And that gives you (Reeee---)
Rock-hard (--eee--)
Chiseled (---wind)
Well-defined (Them-)
Arnold (-selves)
Schwar-ze-neg-ger pecs and biceps
Cars that never need
Washing
Or waxing
Or vacuuming
Boston-Baked beans
And sauer-kraut
That never will
Make you fart
Baseball caps that re-grow hair
Magic malt liquor
That makes
Your spare-tire
Disappear
And greasy fast-food that gives you a strong healthy heart
[---slow hymn-like tempo---]
Viiii-a-graaa-filled
Unnnn---der pants...
[---moderate rhythmic tempo---]
[---(counterpoint in parentheses at slow hymn-like tempo)---]
And a TV remote
With a built-in
Aladdin-type Genie
Who grants (Eeee---)
Every wish (--lec--)
And command (--tronnn-)
That springs forth (--ic)
From your (Gaaa--)
Ultra (--aaa--)
Hyper (--dgets ga-)
Testosterone-ized (--lore)
Head
Growing
Thick non-gray hair
Boxer shorts
That support
You
The way
Tighty-Whities
Do
Laser-removal
Of ugly
Protruding
Nose bristle-hair
Freedom to scratch in pub-lic
And free lifetime
Subscriptions
To
All of the magazines
That have ev-er
Been banned
In
Boston
Mas-sa-chu-setts
(---brief instrumental---)
[---slow hymn-like tempo---]
Cheese---fries
Thaaat---
Reeee--duuuuce
Your--fat...
[---moderate rhythmic tempo---]
And a wireless satellite
Skull-im-plan-ted
Cable TV
That pumps
The best porn
Deeply into your brain
[---slow hymn-like tempo---]
Es-cort girls
Up—load-ing your hard-drive...
(---brief instrumental---)
[---slow hymn-like tempo---]
Raaaa---zors
Thaaat---
Can shar-pen them-selves...
[---moderate rhythmic tempo---]
And a harem of groupies
Who know what you like
And who fight
For the right
To delight
And excite
You each night
And delight
In the sight
Of your white
Stuff in flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight flight
Flight flight
(---main theme repeats as instrumental ending---)
Your Vote & Comment Counts
The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.
Place Your Vote |
Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 2 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 2 | 1 | ||||||||
| 5 | 21 | 20 | 21 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
Fuguing fantastic!
We need to collect some of these in a "classical section". I know Guy, you and I have a few. This is a hell of an addition.
I SO want to live in your world, JD!! This is EPIC, and cleverer than a very clever thing after taking clever pills, and reading a book called "Clever Cleverness for Clever People"..and..I'll just shut up now and give you a bunch of 5s..
By the way, congrats for cracking the top ten. What took you?
What Kristof said.
John Barry: I can'tata thank you enough, sir!
Rick D: Thanks, and I like the idea of all of us contributing to a "classical section". Where would it be? I suppose Chucky would need to create a new page and post our classical/baroque parodies there....or maybe we could all put together an "album" posting of some kind? I guess we need Chucky's input on this.
Kristof: Thanks very much, KR! Look at it this way --- whenever you read one of my parodies, you're vicariously living in a tiny corner of my own little Bizarro-World while you do!
Ashkicksass: What I just said to Kristof! ;-)
P.S. Rick D --- Well gee whiz, at least I made it there in less than a year .... I didn't have the advantage of a steamer-trunk overflowing with a zillion ready-made Beatles parodies to give me a head-start, like somebody I know, heh heh heh! ;-D
Rick D: Thanks, and I like the idea of all of us contributing to a "classical section". Where would it be? I suppose Chucky would need to create a new page and post our classical/baroque parodies there....or maybe we could all put together an "album" posting of some kind? I guess we need Chucky's input on this.
Kristof: Thanks very much, KR! Look at it this way --- whenever you read one of my parodies, you're vicariously living in a tiny corner of my own little Bizarro-World while you do!
Ashkicksass: What I just said to Kristof! ;-)
P.S. Rick D --- Well gee whiz, at least I made it there in less than a year .... I didn't have the advantage of a steamer-trunk overflowing with a zillion ready-made Beatles parodies to give me a head-start, like somebody I know, heh heh heh! ;-D
You know John Barry is going to come running up our backs on that list. Malc better look out. You're right, I started with around 150. But you've been here for most of everything else.
Heh heh - what was that missile-shaped flight diagram about..? ;-)
Thanks, Merry! Heh heh, why, it was just a simple Freudian slip, Merry, just a simple Freudian slip!
(I) heard that chorale in a Bach cantata, and I KNEW this is from BWV 147 (aka "Herz Und Mund Und Tat Und Leiben)!!!
One slip....Gulp! Johnny, were you peeking at my comments elsewhere....? :-O
JD - You never cease to amaze me. I'm proud to share the same site with you. This was absolutely brilliant. Don't know why there is not more response to this. Well gotta get "Bach" to work now. And congrats on making it into the top 10.
Rick - I did indeed do one classic last Christmas, but it appears that the DKTOS link I put in is no longer working.
http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/petertchaikovsky0.shtml
Rick - I did indeed do one classic last Christmas, but it appears that the DKTOS link I put in is no longer working.
http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/petertchaikovsky0.shtml
WhizkidF: Thanks for taking a look.
Meriadoc: Heh heh! Nyuk nyuk! Snicker snicker! Kit-Kat Kit-Kat! Three Musketeers Three Musketeers!
Guy: Thank you! In that case, you and I are a mutual never-cease-to-amaze-each-other-society, my friend. Thanks for the congrats, too.
Meriadoc: Heh heh! Nyuk nyuk! Snicker snicker! Kit-Kat Kit-Kat! Three Musketeers Three Musketeers!
Guy: Thank you! In that case, you and I are a mutual never-cease-to-amaze-each-other-society, my friend. Thanks for the congrats, too.
Guy, Johnny, as soon as I can research it a little, I'm going to start a thread of classical pieces with lyrics that we and others have done. Then we'll "have a little list" that hopefully will keep growing. Maybe we can add "How Gentle Is the Rain" parodies.
Sounds like a great idea, Rick. Please, keep me abreast of developments.
Bravo, Johnny!
*bows* Thank you, Mari D, thank you!
This is on a level with the Marijuana Chorus (parody of the Halleuiah Chorus) by Handel
Thanks, Tim! ;-)
i dont like classical and ur a freaky music nerd but this is awesome 5's
jmndlbm, thank you very much! I especially like being referred-to as "...a freaky music nerd..." --- that's very apt, and I like it! ;-)
SOTM - Once again I get to comment on this fine piece of work JD, and I'm still honored to post on the same site with you.
Thank you very much, Guy. The feeling is mutual, my friend. :-)
(SOTM) This was five minutes of purely blissful reading, and that dreamy tune had me entranced from the start. Another classic!
(SOTM) good one
Thanks, Luke and Adagio.
(Aug 04 sotm)Peter Schickele would admire this, Johnny. 555
Thank you, Agrimorfee. I admire Peter Schickele!
SOTM--always living up to your own reputation, I see...; ) Fabulous as always, Johnny.
Thanks, Arwen.
(SOTM) I like list type parodies like this, though "like this" may not be a fair description since it´s almost the only one of its kind. Hmm... I´m really not succesful in describing what I mean here. Anyway, definitely a contender, before I read this I thought that Spaff would stand out (as always?) but you´re giving him a match here. Still have others to read though but they have to be helluva good to match the two of you.
Thank you, Peter.
(SOTM) Funny one.
Thanks Phil.
This damn near brought a tear to my eye, Johnny D-vine. I'd love to hear this with full orchestra and chorus. (See if you can arrange that, won't you?) Terrific. In the good sense.
Thank you, Mighty Spaff. :-D
I thought I'd commented on this one already: much less naughty than I was expecting, JD (and IMO all the better for it)
Thanks, PA. Yeah, this one reads moderately low on the naughty-meter.
nice fantasy Johnny! good one as ever... why isn't the world like this maybe it's a huge design fault in the universe .. but who can we blame?????
Thanks, martha! We can blame Paris Hilton's chihuahua, Tinkerbell.
LOL! I was also expecting naughty! Good one JD!
Hilarious
(SOTM) Still excellent! (And now I am wondering what our above exchange was about...? Was a Mars bar involved?) ;-D
Thanks Pippin, Claude, and Merry! Nyuk nyuk nyuk! ;-D
(AUG SOTM) A Hilarioius read. I'll have to try and listen to the audio file before casting my SOTM votes. 5's.
Thanks, Paul.
ALL the magazines ever banned in Boston? Sign me up, man. Great, great creative work here, JD.
Thanks very much, 2nz.
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3009.0;id=1751;image
URL of a temporarily-available MP3 of Johann Sebastian Bach's "Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring":
mysite.verizon.net/vze42dj2/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/jesu_joy_of_mans_desiring.mp3
mysite.verizon.net/vze42dj2/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/jesu_joy_of_mans_desiring.mp3
(ABC3) This classic classical piece from Johnny D deserves a Gold Medal.
I love it when you do the classics Johnny, not as much as you making me do the classics, but still you're an expert at it!
Guess technology still has a long way to go!--MM
(ABC3-H) another JD entry from before my time - and further evidence of the maniacal twists and turns of that brain of yours Johnny - nailed all of my desires and then some (...and then not some;-)) - 555
(ABC3) First, the bad: I couldn't follow this to the MP3 I d/l from your site very well. Not sure where I'm reading it wrong, but it's definitely on my end as your pacing, rhyming, and format are always top-notch.
Now, the good: The was extremely creative and funny; TMGLTM, and when it comes to parodying an instrumental, any perceived pacing blips are more than forgiven. 555.
Now, the good: The was extremely creative and funny; TMGLTM, and when it comes to parodying an instrumental, any perceived pacing blips are more than forgiven. 555.
(ABC3H) An enjoyable re-read of this maesterwurk, JD. Kultcha for the lowest common denominator. Fantastic!
(ABC-H) This is a surreal little list you've got here.
Interesting, nice take with the Stepford line. Ecclectic (sp) list.
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