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Song Parodies -> "You're a Long Shot, Senator Kerry"

Original Song Title:

"It's a Long Way to Tipperary"

Original Performer:

Jack Judge & Harry Williams

Parody Song Title:

"You're a Long Shot, Senator Kerry"

Parody Written by:

John Jenkins

The Lyrics

If John Kerry gets the nomination of the Democrat Party to run for president in 2004 (and this is a big "if," even though he appears to be the favorite of amiright Democrats), will he be successful like Bill Clinton in 1992 and 1996 or fail like Walter Mondale in 1984 (winning 2 of the 50 states) and Michael "Duke" Dukakis in 1988 (winning 10 states)?
Out of Massachusetts came a senator to say:
"What we need is a regime change here in the USA!
If you want a new Slick Willy and one more slick spouse,
See what happens to this country when I'm in the White House!"

You're a long shot, Senator Kerry, you're a long shot to win,
You're a long shot, Senator Kerry, so wipe off that silly grin.
You don't excite voters, you lack Clinton's flair.
Your only uncommon feature is your full head of hair!

Since Hillary's beautician also does your hair,
You need a magician to make voters think you care
About vital issues other than DC's hairstyle fads
And whether Ms. Heinz-Kerry can fund your new TV ads.

You're a long shot, Senator Kerry, you're too little, too late.
You're a long shot, Senator Kerry, just like "Duke" in eighty-eight.
If your left wing campaign falls to Howard Dean,
Maybe you can run with Nader and paint your ticket Green.

You proclaim, "Just trust me, I have nothing to conceal,
Trust me like my wife does, that's why she got a pre-nup deal."
Now you hope that voters do not ask you for details.
You know that your campaign will end up just like Mondale's!

You're a long shot, Senator Kerry, you're a long shot next year,
You're a long shot, Senator Kerry, so go find a new career.
To you, the private sector might seem hellish,
But working for your wife's firm would be something to relish!


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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   2
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User Comments

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Pat - July 26, 2003 - Report this comment
I agree..:D
Rice Cube - July 28, 2003 - Report this comment
I wouldn't vote for him. He looks like Skeletor.
Michael Pacholek - July 28, 2003 - Report this comment
Not funny. Even if I agreed with it, it wouldn't be funny. If you'd said, "You're a longer shot that I am, Guv'nor Dean," as opposed to "You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din" (with apologies to William Safire, who parodied John Dean during Watergate), it might have worked, especially since Dean talks a good game, but I don't see him having any oomph. If you'll pardon me for using a technical term. Kerry will get the nomination for two very good reasons: No one else can, and Gore's not in it. And a Democratic war hero running against a George Bush with no recovery or victory in sight. Victory? As long as bin Laden and Saddam are out there, that's no victory.
Michael Pacholek - July 28, 2003 - Report this comment
On the other hand, Kerry look rather lugubrious. But at least he doesn't look like a failed President, the way Georgie does. And I mean his Dad, not just himself.
John Jenkins - July 28, 2003 - Report this comment
Michael, I am disappointed in your assessment, but I would have been more disappointed if you had ignored a parody about John Kerry. So, even though I think you are being overly sensitive, I thank you for your comments. But if you are suggesting that the only characteristic of Senator Kerry that is an acceptable parody target is his lugubrious appearance, that seems very narrow minded on your part.
Hoeveel - July 28, 2003 - Report this comment
How about 'you`re a long shot, Senator Jerry'?
Claude Prez - July 29, 2003 - Report this comment
Not terribly familiar with the song, plus I hate politics but this was impressive anyway--some nice rhymes and good shots.
Breanna - April 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Dear John Kerry, Im a 10 year old girl and i want you to be president so bad.I may be a kid but i no every thing on palaticks.I want to be a demacrete when im old enough to be president I think you are so cool tell Mr.Bush he doesnt stand a chance against you. Tell John Edwords i was telling everybody to vote for him you rock Love Your biggest Fan

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