She said there'd be sex at Christmas
She said there'd be piece of tail
But instead she called her Mother
And talked about why their husbands fail
I went and bought a Christmas porno
Where girls shut up and just satisfy
And they peel off the clothes and just grab on that hose
And you just pretend you're that guy

She told me I'd get some Christmas
She told me it would be great
She told me a fairy story
So I relieved with my T.V. date

Yes, I believe in bleeping Christmas
And I looked at the screen with excited lust
Then she came in at two and she whispered "Yoo-hoo"
And I went up to her in disgust

I wished her a happy Christmas
I went and got my sixth beer
I left the house and mortgage
Left her sit there with her mommie dear
She said there'd be sex at Christmas
She said there'd be piece of ass
Hallelujah! No hell! And I'm doing just swell
The Christmas she gets, she deserves