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Song Parodies -> "I Am A Merry Maiden And An English-Major Fiddlegirl"

Original Song Title:

"I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General"

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"I Am A Merry Maiden And An English-Major Fiddlegirl"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

The first title switch considered was Maurice Chevalier, from the movie, "Gigi", "Thank Heaven For Little Girls" = "Thank Heaven For Fiddlegirl". But the OS was short and easy, and the author didn't think it'd do the subject justice.

I am a merry maiden and an English-major Fiddlegirl
I saw this site called AmIRight; gave parody a little whirl
In all my songs, I write the wrongs, outrageous puns, my wit'll hurl
I bit the bit; in mouth, good fit; my wit'll make your spittle curl

My first position: First Musician, classy, brassy, reeds, and all
A sheepskin: English; quite distinglished; Jobs? It meets no needs at all
And so, bit later, educator; grinds their minds and feeds 'em all

[pause, then continue, speaking]
Feed their minds? Got it!

[resume singing]
I plant the seeds; whatever breeds, each writes and reads; yep, weeds and all

Poetic gaze cast on the days of Nature, evolutional
Gates' race disgrace, she nails apace; our twin rhymes retributional [1]
Wham! Bam! Thanks, Ma'am! .. for O-Bam slam; For brats, a song solution-al

In few short weeks, I grok the geeks; in inner circle, wangling
In brilliant streaks, I grasp techniques of parody word-mangling
I fear not thee of land nor sea; with wit of turtle, tangling
Men: Never grieve; won't ever leave your part-iciple dangling!

In short, in things satirical, empirical, a miracle:
She wrote in one sabbatical, a song quite Gilda Radn-ical

Yes, education's my vocation; wonder -- Can I reach them all?
A sentence, parse? A modern farce! Schools fail, but mine: no breach at all
Of nouns and adverbs, good and bad verbs; parts of speech, teach each and all
I never slip; have such firm grip; with writ and lip, beseech them all

For new ways, angling; always dangling 'ncentives for the class to learn
I feel like strangling this new-fangling "Look-say" read; their ass, to burn
My Grapes of Wrath upon "New Math"; turn grapes to whine, so pass the churn

[pause, then continue, speaking]
Modern education poor? Hmmm.... Got it!

[resume singing]
Use "Dick and Jane": in vain, what pain; kids' sad performance: mass concern

Delighting me: use parody from Tommy T. tto tteach them all [2]
I must confess: I write such cess when down along the beach I crawl
To Politician: Go, attrition! Had *our* way, impeach them all!

When AmIRight is out of "site" for weekend, oh, what will I do?
I'll hurl some strife at his ex-wife; on her, I spill a swill of stew
I'll have some fun with Airfarcewon, a funny little trill or two
I'll match his wits, or else, his t*ts, but quit? I won't until you do

Why, truancy is ruin-cy; you'll always lack for fluency
Drop out of school, you stupid fool: it's prison you'll be doin', see?


I love my strings! (Bikini things? No, talkin' 'bout my violin!)
Please see my site at AmIRight, by broadband or by diolin
My numbers soar as I "score" more; my parodies keep piolin'
I'm Fively-rated; orchestrated puns to keep you smiolin'

Mile 888 on Interstate, El Paso, Beaumont, cruised it all [3]
'Spite Nacogdoches' plague of roaches, hardly even bruised at all
I took the "Longview". Oops! The wrong view! Me? I'm not confused at all

[pause, then continue, speaking]
Texas? Me? Got it!

[resume singing]
Yep, A'm from Texas; I like sex,-as long as not abused at all

Her home team lost; the trophy cost: receiver with hands slippery
["I sympathize", the turtle cries; his limbs are rather flippery]
"It's too darn hot!" Hey, Fid, so what? Unzip your zipper, stripper-y!
She's well-equipped; she rips and whips from lips such flip, hip quippery

At brocc'li, sneer; I've come to fear all veg'tables cruciferous
I'm on the outs with Brussels sprouts; I find them quite odiferous.
I voice my choice; I don't rejoice, but pan in prose vociferous
At dinner bell, they smell like h*ll, can tell with just one sniffer-us

In short, as each new hit, unfurl; Joella Parks, with t*tty, lure'll
She is a merry maiden and our fav'rite little Fiddlegirl!

In short, in things parodical, she'll make you laugh spasmodical
A prodigy, a female, ("she"), we think that makes her "prodi-gal"

[A little green smart-ass approaches the violin soloist, and asks:]
Can you do that again, but not so half-fast?

[The violin soloist looks at the conductor, and requests:]
Maestro, press this agitator's shelly plate

[repeat 3rd verse, ("I love my strings...")
at a speed even faster than the original tempo,
and without the pause or spoken part]

[1] The twin links: Author and subject submitted same OS, same title switch, same subject, same day. How scary is it to think that there might be another mind like TT's out there?!

[2] The subject graciously honored the author by asking to use his grammar parodies as teaching aides. (Gladly.)

[3] The author has driven Interstate 10 from one end (Santa Monica, California) to the other (Jacksonville, Florida). What's discouraging: cross over The Pass, or, as they say south of the border, (or illegally north of it,) El Paso, drive for a while, it gets late. Find motel, sleep, get up the next day. Drive all day (11-12 hours,) find motel, sleep. Wake up and find that *yer still in frickin' Texas*. No offense, but... Anyway, if feeble pea-brain serves correctly, from the New Mexico border to the Louisiana border was 888 Interstate miles (1429 km). Correct?

All Fiddlegirl parodies linked, excerpted, or referenced © Fiddlegirl. All else © 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   13

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Old Man Ribber - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Awe - inspriring on so many levels! First, absolutely worthy of the subject! Second, TT - if you gleaned all these Fiddlegirl facts from her writings alone, then I have a career for you in Third, flawless execution and unbelievable linguistic skill. I would accuse you of being W.S. Gilbert himself, but on the whole I think you're much better! ;D
DJ Blaze - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Do me next!.... just kidding LOL. (Unless you want to do one for me.) Great tribute to Fiddlegirl, who seems to be getting a lot of tributes for the amount of time she's been on! 555
AFW - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
This promotes Fiddlegirl to Violinlady
Maid Myday - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
O....M....G..... THAT is TURTLE-Y terrific! Unbelievable. I'm utterly overwhelmed-- and deeply honored. Thanks, T.
Christie Marie M - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Great tribute to Fiddlegirl! Also you and Fiddlegirl put on quite a show! I enjoyed most of her work that she did on AIR!
Andy Primus - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Excellent rhyming & a plucking good job all round
Mark Scotti - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Ah, the large project you were working on come to fruition! And a wonderful fruit you've grown. A gem of a tribute to a wonderful newcomer in our fold!!!
TJC - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
I echo OMRibber's sentiments completely!
'TwasTruly a Major triumph from raw rhymery (cruciferous/sniffer-us a standout among TMTM) to pure pacery (perfect stage directions and pausery surrounding the contemplative 'TommyTUR' hunts for the next clever rhymin' pharcical phrase) to creative 'solutionary' for nigh-impossible-to-incorporate FG factoids, song references and personal touches (inclusive of a host of researched links)!
Now, just one more thing--when do you open and where can I buy tickets?
alvin - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
a masterpiece worthy of the subject
Tommy Turtle - August 05, 2009 - Report this comment
ALL: There was a selfish advantage in finding one so new who was worthy of tribuTTing: This would be the first time that 100% of a subject's song list was captured in a tribuTTe - a new personal record. Old record was 51% (plus 51 links to my own songs in 200th parody). No, didn't come anywhere close with AFW or JAB lol!

Old Man Ribber: Have you ever seen a green turtle blush to red? :) ... it's amazing how much of ourselves we reveal in bits and pieces, and if you combine that with a freaky, if intermittent (aging, darn) memory... Another writer was recently surprised when TT recalled her state of residence and a city, from a comment in 2007. Just don't ask me where my car keys are right now :-( ... Thanks for v and esp. c, but "better than WSG?" -- don't think even the humungous Turtlego could handle that one, but thanks for the thought.

DJ Blaze: It could happen -- keep working and learning! ... Been on this site 3.5 years, and never seen a new writer hit the groove so quickly. 'Course, they said the same thing when TT arrived :) (coughchoke gagkiddingbutit'struegagchokecough). Thanks for v/c.

AFW: Did you ask her whether she wants that promotion? :D ... cute comment. Thanks!

MM: At first, read that as "Mayday".. .was it that bad? :) A pleasure to write and an even greater pleasure to research. Cash, certified check, or money order only, please -- no Visa, MasterCard, and certainly not PayPal. Overdue accounts will be charged a late fee.

Christie Marie M: Thanks -- our "joint show" on HL Gates was really a fun show to put on :)

Andy Primus: Thanks, mate!

Mark Scotti: There was a hidden hint when I described it as a "major" (get it?) project hehe :) Thanks for v/c, and obviously concur with your assessment of the subject.

TJC: The difficult, I incorporate immediately; the impossible takes a little longer. (Where have I heard that...?) ... Actually, I think I'm closing the show for a while due to burnout + business/professional pressures... but whenever it re-opens, given your great synergistic contributions, tributions (today, e. g.), and collucions (sp), you'll always be comped :) Thanks for v/c!

alvin: the best compliment one could hope for. thanks.
Guy - August 06, 2009 - Report this comment
TT - A fine tribute to a finer Texas lass. This is really well played and thought out. TMGLTM. Even though I live in the great Republic of Texas, I have never driven all the way across it, but I do recall that the first mile marker going west at Beaumont crossing into Texas from Luzzyann is I believe 880. Sarah Palin knows that if her state was divided into four equal parts Texas would go from the 2nd largest state to the 5th. And hey - quite decent of you to pay tribute to a great writer here in this parody. I five you sir for this.
TT - August 06, 2009 - Report this comment
Guy: Thanks, and if you don't have to make the drive, I don't recommend that you do :)
blackjack21 - September 17, 2009 - Report this comment

Wow! How in the world did I miss this?!?!

Easy...I was in Las Vegas that week! ;-D

Fantastic tribute TT, wish I had read it before I put my little ditty out there. I give it Fives most vociferously!!!
Tommy Turtle - September 17, 2009 - Report this comment
blackjack21: Well, at least you made the trip worthwhile -- plus picking up some good parody material. And hey, every author has a different spin on any given topic, so the more, the merrier -- and there *cannot* be such a thing as "too many tribs" to our delightful little Fiddlegirl, can there? And man, is her deck stacked! :D .. Thanks for v/c!

The count is way good: From a six-deck shoe, 36 in your favor, all 24 aces left, and 36 songs that we eventually will publish -- we'll be 2/3 of the way there when the Big Project is complete, in the next week or two. Bet it hard, Dude -- ya don't get a deck stacked like this very often! :D
Bilbopooh - August 10, 2010 - Report this comment
An epic tribute to another very talented parodist. Very cool!
Tommy Turtle - August 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Bilbopooh, thanks much!

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