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Song Parodies -> "I Ambled to Herr Mengele. . ."

Original Song Title:

"I Am the Very Model. . . ."

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"I Ambled to Herr Mengele. . ."

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

This is for L'il "Trick Knee" CupCakes, in all her/his manifestations. Are you echte oesterreichische, Kuchen?

I ambled to Herr Mengele, to have him mend my meniscal
Misfortune. Unfortunately, his "practice" of the medical
Profession. . . check the lexicon and find the meaning's literal.
Yes, this quack truly practiced; a mal- hacking hack, of sh!t sure full.

He was not well acquainted with the matters anatomical;
His ignorance would fill a blimp; it's simply astronomical.
I should have been more leery when the see-clear-through crew shot some views
Then perused by this beer-drenched douche who's shaking from huge shots o' booze.

To be read by this brain-dead, red-faced d!ckhead who's sotted on booze.

I should have known--my chances blown, when he said that trapezius
Was a slick flick+ wit' Burt 'n' Curtis, Gina, Los Arriolas.
In short, this man named Mengele, a quack acting as medical
Professional was extra full of matter that's excremental.

He snorts much matter vegetable that's been condensed in a still;
It's medical mendacity. . .was meant to mend. . .renders ya ill.

You just might say that in his way this paring crock's a pair o' docs:
One's Jekyll, but the wrecker's Hyde; the former fronts to spare ya shocks;
Latter scourges in surgery; he goes nuts and he starts to cut
Haphazardly; this bastard's free to slice and dice and carve ya up.

This motherf***er bluffed me when he huffed, he knew arthroscopy.
Ficktabenteuer;++ fit for abattoir, he, if you're askin' me.
He's got to steady nerves to lend him verve before your skin ta score.
Medical school? Don't think this drooling fool has ever been before.

The devil's tool, this evil fool must booze a quart o' gin ta bore.

You'd think he was a doctor, decked out in a donned doc's uniform,
But after he is through, you're screwed, 'cause it's a faux fix--you, ripped, torn.
Aborted. . .a medical mess is what is now residual;
This guy's a pest, you've guessed, no rest for him-wrecked individual.

I'm cored after ingress; a mess is what is now residual
His Mess' went west and then caressed a nexus interstiti-al.

He does ingress with such "finesse," his Messer+++ sticks, in travelin',
And intact parts of yore are torn apart and sore, unravelin'.
I could once walk long, but now hobble o'er to where a chair is at
To ponder contents of this song; the long and short: beware this rat.

And now that he has f**ked me up, this f**kup is all done with me.
Before the knife, I signed my life away; what's yet to come? I'll see
I've got to find a sentient mind, a gal or gent with strategy
Who's a meniscal mensch. . .can maybe remedy my shattered knee.

With steth'-less necklace, reckless, feckless wreck-fest dreck-pest battered me.

The sh!t for brain's given me pain, a deranged bane who's wrecked my knee--
I hope that if you go to a doc, it won't be such dreck as he.
At least the beast unleashed an ease-grief feast: a plentitude of pills
I pop like popcorn chicken, sickened 'cause his rectitude was nil.

In short, this man named Mengele's a lop-job pox; I'm rent 'n' ill.
The chop-flop hop-not wrought by botch-job mock doc. . .crock sot sent his bill.


+"Trapeze," 1956, starring Burt Lancaster, Tony Curtis, Gina Lollobrigida, and the Los Arriolas high-wire act.
++pidgin German for "misadventure"
+++knife




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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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User Comments

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Stan Hall - December 03, 2008 - Report this comment
Funny as a three-legged dog eyeing a fire hydrant, JAB, but some of those fine lines--at least sans some really egregious stress shiftig--just defy my best effort to cram or stretch'em (in)to the General's iambic octameter. Maybe it's just I. :-)
John Barry - December 03, 2008 - Report this comment
Octameter, shmocktamter. Stan, I've done more than a dozen takes on the OS. The goal is always to cram in as much internal-rhyme tongue-twisting as possible. And you've given me an idea for another take-off, starting: Iambs are not my model when I'm mocking "Major General." Thanks.
Stan Hall - December 03, 2008 - Report this comment
OK, JAB ... we'll agree to disagree (not for the 1st time, I think) on this particular, much as Messrs G&S did on most matters. Tongue torquing, rhymed or otherwise, is a grand goal I think somwhat sacrifices its impact if achieved by an overdose of perturbated pronuncation and such. So ... a full set of 5s here anyway, accepting your intent, and I'll look forward to seeing what I expect will be an at most intermittently iambed model of Major General mockery. :-)
DieOesterReicheKucken - December 03, 2008 - Report this comment
Captain Jack, ~Der Marquis aus Trick Knee~ I surely hope that your surgeon was NOT this Austrian . . . Oh, gott in Himmel !
Andy Primus - December 03, 2008 - Report this comment
Wow
AFW - December 03, 2008 - Report this comment
A most interesting and intellectual accomplishment
alvin - December 03, 2008 - Report this comment
mind boggling entry
John Barry - December 03, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, Stan, Kucken, Andy, AFW, Alvin.
dieKleineKuchen - December 03, 2008 - Report this comment
Sir Sweaty, " Duke auf Trick Knee ", I wish you & your malady a speedy recovery, over this Holidaze . . .
EmiLoca - December 04, 2008 - Report this comment
Haha, you managed to cram a surprising amount of topical humor in there, plus the lines overstuffed with alliteration really put this one in a category of its own. Ich liebe dis one.
Meriadoc - December 04, 2008 - Report this comment
Looks like he was unable to affect a cure for hyper-alliteration.. :-)
Dumbfounded! - December 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Incredible verbal mastery... goes beyond mere wordsmithery to wordsmith'n'wesonry!

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