MAJOR TURTERAL:
Is AmIRight the model of a Boomer humor URL?
The Baby Boomers and their kids, who cannot reed or rite or spel
All congregate there to cavort and sport and snort and pull the wool
To conjugate verbs: not their forte; they court a sort more conjugal

Instead of cogent commentary, critical and classical
Or varied, vast vocabulary, wittical, fantastical,
They're smutty and write quite contrary; titical and assical

[pause, then continue speaking]
T&A? Got it!

[continue singing]
Their brains are in their tasticles; heads grassical, alas-ical!

ALL:
It isn't pleasant to report they write of troubles gas-ical
He's going to make this sweet and short; it's maudlin mess morass-ical
Though he expects a sharp retort, he does not like their sass-ical!

MAJOR TURTERAL:
Their standards are chaotical, neurotical, psychotical
They fantasize erotical of dancers, hot, exotical
They're semi-idiotical; robotic'lly narcotical [1]
They parody the private parts; quixotic'ly, the tw*tical

ALL:
In short, in matters pooh-eral, pee-yew-eral, and sewer-al
It is the very model of a Boomer humor URL!

MAJOR TURTERAL:
They populate their parodies with puns and prose impractical
They synthesize their sentences with sorry sins syntactical
They eulogize Scott's enterprise; ungainly geeks galactical
The critics find among the lot not one who's satisfactical

They phil their phuzzy phat heads phull of phony pharmaceutical
They sit and wait in woeful state for brainy beauty's booty call
How condescending could she be? Why ever would such cutie call?

[pause, then continue speaking]
Cutie? Call on them? Got it!

[continue singing]
More likely for some acid-head, a burned-out Moody Blue to call!

ALL:
They're constantly rejected; so dejected, effect: brutical
Their minds are wrecked; earn no respect; they're practically inscrutical
So, lacking class, of passing gas, they write the grossly glutical

MAJOR TURTERAL:
Myopic perps whose prose usurps perspectives held historical
Confuse "affect"/"effect"; reject corrective tutororical
They have no clue; nobody who is morally an oracle
These chumps will jump and hump the rump of any handy whor-ical

ALL:
In short, in matters skewer-al, wrongdoer-al or brewer-al
It is the very model of a Boomer humor URL!

MAJOR TURT-URL:
[slower]
Incapable of proper rhymes, their pacing is elastical
Substandard scansion many times; their phrasing, periphrastical
Their grammar's grim; such guilty crimes! Repair: revision drastical
Their typing's archetypal slime! Sublime? Not! More like spastical

They pound to ground poor Planck's profound perusal of the particle
Al Ei-in-stein, they treat like swine, although he's super-smartical
Of Stephen Hawking, even talking; trashing, tracheartical

[pause, then continue speaking]
Planck, Einstein, and Hawking? Tough crowd to follow, no? Got it!

[continue singing, at original tempo]
When fysics fails to faze their ails, they focus on the fartical [2]

ALL:
Bewitched by boobs and pubes, noobies blurb of bras bombastical [3]
Lampooning poon of lamb, they croon a "point of ewe" quite nastical
Perverted plaints perturb'dly paint a picture pederastical

MAJOR TURT-URL
Although their humor seems a trifle trite and alcoholical
And vitriolic, melancholic, slight, and hyperbolical
You'll laugh down to your follicle at each symbolic frolic-al
You'll chuckle from your buccal cheeks to bottom cheeks and bollock-al

ALL:
You'll not find writers bluer, all, but who're all quite true-r, all --
-- Than AmIRight, the model of a Boomer humor URL!

[A vapid blogger approaches the Turteral soloist, and asks]
Can you do that again, at faster than a Turtle-crawl?

[The Turteral solosit looks at the webmaster, and requests]
Chucky, pesto on-na'-pasta, s'illy boy

[repeat 3rd verse, ("Incapable of proper rhymes...") at a speed even faster than the original fast crawl, and without the pause or spoken part]




[1] A little pun on "semiotic" there, for those who like such things.

[2] Bonus pun: "physic": "A laxative."

[3] Bonus pun: Archaic meaning of "bombast": "Cotton or other material used to stuff garments; padding."