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Song Parodies -> "The X-Woman Wannabe's Song"
Original Song Title:
"The Major General's Song"
Original Performer:
Gilbert & Sullivan
Parody Song Title:
"The X-Woman Wannabe's Song"
Parody Written by:
Arwen
The Lyrics
I wanna be a mutant 'cause I have a crush on Wolverine
His sexy Freddy fingers are the sharpest that I've ever seen
He's rough around the edges but his ass looks good in leather pants
I think I could forgive the body hair in this one circumstance
I know he's got a thing for Jean, he's prob'ly sad that she is dead
But I don't have an evil side, so maybe he'll take me instead
Besides she never really wanted him because she wanted Scott
Though I can't tell you what ol' Red Eye had that Logan hasn't got
No, I can't tell you what AN-Y-ONE has that Logan hasn't got
No, I can't tell you what AN-Y-ONE has that Logan hasn't got
No, I can't tell you what AN-Y-ONE has that Logan hasa--hasn't got
I can't control the weather and I can't move items with my eyes
But I'd have pow-ers unmatched if it came to groping Logan's thighs
You couldn't call me brave and I pass out when anybody bleeds
But I could help the X-Men with their hair, makeup and fashion needs
In short, I cannot tell you what a kiss from him would really mean
I wanna be a mutant 'cause I have a crush on Wolverine!
Because my Power res-u-me tops out at burning in the sun
I'm hoping that he wants a blistered sunbather to be 'The One'
I'm cute I'm funny and I'm smart, I'm special in a lotta ways
It shouldn't matter much to him that my vision is not X-Ray
I know that I can't do the things that other mutant women can
But I've been told that if I whine enough I'm sure to kill a man
I'll never be the kind of girl to throw another through a wall
But strong men crumble when I pout at them, doesn't that say it all?
Yes strong men crumble when I pout at them, doesn't that say it all?
Yes strong men crumble when I pout at them, doesn't that say it all?
But strong men crumble when I pout at them, doesn't that say it--say it all?
Still, if he doesn't want to be with me the way I am, I'll change
To be with him it wouldn't matter if other folks thing I'm strange
I'll try attaching feathers to my arms and legs and front and back
And to the tip of ev'ry finger I could superglue a tack!
I'll soak myself in Kool-aid 'til my skin is per-man-ent-ly green
I wanna be a mutant 'cause I have a crush on Wolverine!
I wonder if he'd like me if I could take flight with Dumbo ears
Or maybe I could win his heart if I shot acid with my tears
I've tried so hard to search my soul and find in me an inner freak
In efforts to be like him I refused to shave my legs for weeks.
He'll be the one to scratch my back, I'll help him with his flea collar
He's quick to heal, he's super strong, and good at making me holler
He'll use more hairspray than I do, but that's something I can accept
'Cause I know when it comes to loving me he'll be more than adept
'Cause I know when it comes to loving me he'll be more than adept
'Cause I know when it comes to loving me he'll be more than adept
'Cause I know when it comes to loving me he'll be more than a--than adept
I never will give up the dream, to be with him's my one desire
I don't need any "Human Torch" 'cause Logan really lights my fire
I'd give up everything I have, my way of life is getting old
Now all I want's to be the mama of his cubs, the truth be told!
I'm sick of things the way they are, I'm bored here as a beauty queen
I wanna be a mutant so I can be Missus Wolverine!
His sexy Freddy fingers are the sharpest that I've ever seen
He's rough around the edges but his ass looks good in leather pants
I think I could forgive the body hair in this one circumstance
I know he's got a thing for Jean, he's prob'ly sad that she is dead
But I don't have an evil side, so maybe he'll take me instead
Besides she never really wanted him because she wanted Scott
Though I can't tell you what ol' Red Eye had that Logan hasn't got
No, I can't tell you what AN-Y-ONE has that Logan hasn't got
No, I can't tell you what AN-Y-ONE has that Logan hasn't got
No, I can't tell you what AN-Y-ONE has that Logan hasa--hasn't got
I can't control the weather and I can't move items with my eyes
But I'd have pow-ers unmatched if it came to groping Logan's thighs
You couldn't call me brave and I pass out when anybody bleeds
But I could help the X-Men with their hair, makeup and fashion needs
In short, I cannot tell you what a kiss from him would really mean
I wanna be a mutant 'cause I have a crush on Wolverine!
Because my Power res-u-me tops out at burning in the sun
I'm hoping that he wants a blistered sunbather to be 'The One'
I'm cute I'm funny and I'm smart, I'm special in a lotta ways
It shouldn't matter much to him that my vision is not X-Ray
I know that I can't do the things that other mutant women can
But I've been told that if I whine enough I'm sure to kill a man
I'll never be the kind of girl to throw another through a wall
But strong men crumble when I pout at them, doesn't that say it all?
Yes strong men crumble when I pout at them, doesn't that say it all?
Yes strong men crumble when I pout at them, doesn't that say it all?
But strong men crumble when I pout at them, doesn't that say it--say it all?
Still, if he doesn't want to be with me the way I am, I'll change
To be with him it wouldn't matter if other folks thing I'm strange
I'll try attaching feathers to my arms and legs and front and back
And to the tip of ev'ry finger I could superglue a tack!
I'll soak myself in Kool-aid 'til my skin is per-man-ent-ly green
I wanna be a mutant 'cause I have a crush on Wolverine!
I wonder if he'd like me if I could take flight with Dumbo ears
Or maybe I could win his heart if I shot acid with my tears
I've tried so hard to search my soul and find in me an inner freak
In efforts to be like him I refused to shave my legs for weeks.
He'll be the one to scratch my back, I'll help him with his flea collar
He's quick to heal, he's super strong, and good at making me holler
He'll use more hairspray than I do, but that's something I can accept
'Cause I know when it comes to loving me he'll be more than adept
'Cause I know when it comes to loving me he'll be more than adept
'Cause I know when it comes to loving me he'll be more than adept
'Cause I know when it comes to loving me he'll be more than a--than adept
I never will give up the dream, to be with him's my one desire
I don't need any "Human Torch" 'cause Logan really lights my fire
I'd give up everything I have, my way of life is getting old
Now all I want's to be the mama of his cubs, the truth be told!
I'm sick of things the way they are, I'm bored here as a beauty queen
I wanna be a mutant so I can be Missus Wolverine!
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 30 | 30 | 30 |
User Comments
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wondrous wordplay
Not shaving your legs, now that's a new approach to catch Mr Right! :-)
Well done, but wouldn't an elf have to be a mutant if you don't believe in Middle Earth or the folklore that helped inspire it?
Masterful, Arwen. And you said you couldn't do this once...now you've done it twice! Definitely TMGLTM.
Hilarious and, I expect, much better than watching the movie.
Arwen has the powers of Giggle Giving! 555
Absolutely superb, Arwen. Great premise, fantastic wordplay - must be a SOTM contenter :-D
In this corner, Wolverine. In the other corner, Aragorn. Winner faces the Disel-Bloom winner for the title. They asked me to officiate, but I would've had them all lose. Ulterior motives, y'know.
alvin...thanks very much...=)
K1...yeah, and it hasn't worked yet. =( I might have to switch back to more subtle moves, like winking from across the room...and/or grabbing my intended's butt as I walk by...
Ethan...well, you might have a point...if, in fact, I didn't believe in those things. Which I do...of course.
Cat...thanks. I thought for sure somebody would point out my previous comments regarding the OS...I'm glad it was you. I don't know why...I just am.
John...for the greatest experience ever, you should try watching the movies WHILE singing my parody. I've never done it...but you'd be staring at Hugh Jackman and singing my inspired lyrics all at the same time. What could possibly be better? ; ) Thanks!
Agri...well, that's a power I'd love to claim! Thanks a bunch!!
Phil...part of me is inclined to agree with you...not because I think this is anything special...(although I do...we all know I'm TOTALLY in love with everything I submit)...but more because my submissions have been so few and far between lately, that this could be the only thing I submit all month. Oh WAIT...you called it a contender...not an entry...hehehehe. Well, we'll just have to see about that...=)
Mr. Pacholek...hee! It wouldn't entirely unheard of for a girl to run off with the official, would it...; ) Thanks!
K1...yeah, and it hasn't worked yet. =( I might have to switch back to more subtle moves, like winking from across the room...and/or grabbing my intended's butt as I walk by...
Ethan...well, you might have a point...if, in fact, I didn't believe in those things. Which I do...of course.
Cat...thanks. I thought for sure somebody would point out my previous comments regarding the OS...I'm glad it was you. I don't know why...I just am.
John...for the greatest experience ever, you should try watching the movies WHILE singing my parody. I've never done it...but you'd be staring at Hugh Jackman and singing my inspired lyrics all at the same time. What could possibly be better? ; ) Thanks!
Agri...well, that's a power I'd love to claim! Thanks a bunch!!
Phil...part of me is inclined to agree with you...not because I think this is anything special...(although I do...we all know I'm TOTALLY in love with everything I submit)...but more because my submissions have been so few and far between lately, that this could be the only thing I submit all month. Oh WAIT...you called it a contender...not an entry...hehehehe. Well, we'll just have to see about that...=)
Mr. Pacholek...hee! It wouldn't entirely unheard of for a girl to run off with the official, would it...; ) Thanks!
LOL! Although I guess HWL (howling with laughter) would be more appropriate here.
"thing I'm strange"; a typo from Arwen? Heh heh, that and the overall sauciness here make this...what's the word I'm looking for... I've used it before..... FABulicious!
outstanding! 555
Rex...=) Thanks very much!
Red Ant...OH. MY. GOSH. Dammit! I'm so mad right now...I can't believe I did that! It's a good thing you ended your comment with the word FABulicious, or I'm fairly sure I would not have been able to go on.
carol...thanks!
Red Ant...OH. MY. GOSH. Dammit! I'm so mad right now...I can't believe I did that! It's a good thing you ended your comment with the word FABulicious, or I'm fairly sure I would not have been able to go on.
carol...thanks!
I go through all the trouble of crashing that adamantium clawed midget's wedding... it just won't pay off! And he is homicidal! How can he be attractive with that? Michael Pacholek, can't a lady have four or more lemans? As long as Arwen's harem does not include YOU, I'm thrilled for her. :-D
Lady Arwen, I thought you WERE a mutant. You seem to have the uncanny gift of producing perfect parodies. (That's grovelling, but deny that it's true.)
Lady Arwen, I thought you WERE a mutant. You seem to have the uncanny gift of producing perfect parodies. (That's grovelling, but deny that it's true.)
I'm seriously stumped as to what to do with that first little bit, Iasoon. Nor do I know why it would make you happy if I failed to include Mr. Pacholek on my list of would be boyfriends. Hmmm...
I do, however, throw all confusion aside when praise is showered upon me...so, considering your last paragragh...I will simply say Thanks!
I do, however, throw all confusion aside when praise is showered upon me...so, considering your last paragragh...I will simply say Thanks!
Thank you, ma'am, I feast upon confusion. As Mr. Pacholek has stated before, he would just try to eliminate all of your other consorts. And then, he would expell gas in a fit of self-satisfaction.
There were two important questions I hadn't gotten around to ask: 1. Have you read the Lord of the Rings, by Tolkien? 2. Have you read the X-Men comics, by Lee, Claremont, or someone less inspiring? I'm asking this, because, with all due respect, ma'am, your breath smells of popcorn.
There were two important questions I hadn't gotten around to ask: 1. Have you read the Lord of the Rings, by Tolkien? 2. Have you read the X-Men comics, by Lee, Claremont, or someone less inspiring? I'm asking this, because, with all due respect, ma'am, your breath smells of popcorn.
Arwen!! hey...what's happening?
I know I haven't been by the site in a while; that's because I've been quite a busy gal. Anyway it's nice to read another great little parody from you (as usual)... your parodies always make me smile. =) So now I must vote another perfect 5-5-5...and I hope you have a nice day!! Bye! =)
I know I haven't been by the site in a while; that's because I've been quite a busy gal. Anyway it's nice to read another great little parody from you (as usual)... your parodies always make me smile. =) So now I must vote another perfect 5-5-5...and I hope you have a nice day!! Bye! =)
Iasoon...while I rarely eat popcorn while I'm at the movies, I'm picking up your accusation that I'm paying tribute to film rather than to literature...and/or...um...comic books.
DAMMIT...am I that obvious??
Actually, I HAVE read some of Tolkien's LOTR, though admittedly not all of it. It's not really a matter of not appreciating books, though...having received my degree in English, I've read my fair share of literature...and continue to read every day. I'd be lying, though, if I pretended that I didn't love Peter Jackson's films. And Orlando Bloom's ass.
Secondly...I have NOT read any X-Men comics...or ANY comics, for that matter, since I was a kid. I don't have ANY interest in Wolverine in comic book form. He doesn't have NEARLY the amount of...um...appeal that Mr. Jackman has. I have nothing against Mr. Comic Book Guy...(they draw those muscles nice and taut, don't they)...but rest assured that while I might humor him a little and have a cartoon drink with him if he asked, there's no way I'll be attaching tacks to my fingers for anyone who is 99% ink. Unless, of course, Mr. Hugh Jackman decides to play "Ink Man" in a future film endeavor.
Serafina...so glad that you liked it. =)
DAMMIT...am I that obvious??
Actually, I HAVE read some of Tolkien's LOTR, though admittedly not all of it. It's not really a matter of not appreciating books, though...having received my degree in English, I've read my fair share of literature...and continue to read every day. I'd be lying, though, if I pretended that I didn't love Peter Jackson's films. And Orlando Bloom's ass.
Secondly...I have NOT read any X-Men comics...or ANY comics, for that matter, since I was a kid. I don't have ANY interest in Wolverine in comic book form. He doesn't have NEARLY the amount of...um...appeal that Mr. Jackman has. I have nothing against Mr. Comic Book Guy...(they draw those muscles nice and taut, don't they)...but rest assured that while I might humor him a little and have a cartoon drink with him if he asked, there's no way I'll be attaching tacks to my fingers for anyone who is 99% ink. Unless, of course, Mr. Hugh Jackman decides to play "Ink Man" in a future film endeavor.
Serafina...so glad that you liked it. =)
Iasoon, if you want to be one of Arwen's boys, the line is long and the dues are pricey. And I'm the treasurer. Sucker.
i thought it was about me for a second.... but i loved it
fantastic, Arwen - you've always had a soft spot for us hunky Aussie guys - perfect pacing, but gee you were working hard (or late) to come up with that "...I could superglue a tack" solution - LOL! - 555
Another one I missed. I love the X-Men theme, even though I'm not familiar with most Gilbert/Sullivan OS'es (I'll download it...ah...there we go).
SOTM - This one makes my short list - and that isn't just because it's an M-G parody.
SOTM Just a little bit unfunny, but not enough to dock you for it...good parody. 5's
(SOTM) See above! Still excellent!
Oh my hell. Seriously, one of my all time favorites! So many great lines, so funny, and I couldn't agree more about his hotness. "Just a little bit unfunny?" WHAT THE H^%$?
SOTM-Good
toon-tastic mate top marks
Arwen you're a pure Comic already...
Comedy Gold, or Kryptonite, or whatever's big at the moment in the superhero universe.....your love life has taken a legendary turn. 555+
(SOTM) How did I miss THIS? Absolutely incredible, Arwen! :-)
(SOTM) 555. Arwen is a genius.
(SOTM) Well, I hope you're not still mad, lol. Willing to forego shaving your legs for weeks; the ultimate sacrifice? Still love this one.
(SOTM) see above, but this was a gem (what a month!) - and I reckon your pacing is so much more reader-friendly than it was (not that it was ever less than good) - it's impossible to stumble anywhere on this, and some nice wit dotted throughout
(SOTM) I haven't read a single crap parody of this OS so far...and yours ain't any different. Tight pacing and original idea. Well done, Arwen!
Just a little bit unfunny, but not enough to... Oops, almost lost my mind there for a moment.
All I really know about X-Men is that Rebecca Romijn runs around in blue body paint. (So you'd think I would have seen it by now. Numerous times.) But that's OK; I appreciate Arwen's ability to illustrate the most important points (like Wolverine's ass in leather pants) and spin them into her own unique singles-scene world. To "Major -General," no less. Doesn't that say it--say it all?
All I really know about X-Men is that Rebecca Romijn runs around in blue body paint. (So you'd think I would have seen it by now. Numerous times.) But that's OK; I appreciate Arwen's ability to illustrate the most important points (like Wolverine's ass in leather pants) and spin them into her own unique singles-scene world. To "Major -General," no less. Doesn't that say it--say it all?
Whoa...somebody dropped the ball on thank yous here...sorry about that! Here goes...
Michael...pricey dues? Give me a break...you LOVE paying them, Mister...admit it! ; )
Sydney...oh, well, I DID write a similar parody about you...but I was under the impression that you wanted to be a mutant because you had a crush on The Beast. Luckily, Chucky refused to post it, due to the lewd content...or else, how embarrassing would that have been for me.
- Stuart...don't be ridiculous. Australian men do nothing for me. NOTHING! I beg and I plead, but they refuse. Bastards.
Jeff...=) Thanks for the extra work on my behalf...
wannabemustangjockey...Sweet! Thanks! (it's because you get to imagine me with entirely green skin, isn't it?)
Adagio...thanks!
Cat...(looking...looking...oh there it is)...thanks again!
Ash...thanks very much...and I'm glad you agree about Hugh's hotness...because otherwise, we might have to break up. And yeah...on that last bit...I just don't know. I'm stumped.
Max...thanks!
Tomario...hehehe...thank you!
Matthias...you know, that's been rumored, but it's false. I'm 97% comic, 3% unfunny. You know, just a little bit. ; ) Thanks!
Kristof...=) Thanks very much!
Rick...thank you VERY much, Rick...for all the love you poured out on this one...I really appreciate it!!
Johnny...wow! Thanks!
Red Ant...I have to admit I still cringe whenever I see it...but I get over things fairly quickly...(especially when the pouting isn't paying off!)...thanks a bunch!
Stuart...(again)...thanks...(again).
bobpiecheese...thanks a lot! I know that I, personally, would put this below several of the MG parodies that came before it...but I'm glad you like it!
Spaff...hee! Glad you caught it before it got too far away. And thanks a bunch for your kind words...and, of course, for recognizing the true message of the parody: Hugh Jackman is a hot hot bastard...especially in leather pants.
AGAIN...thanks to everyone...sorry for the delay...I love you all!
Michael...pricey dues? Give me a break...you LOVE paying them, Mister...admit it! ; )
Sydney...oh, well, I DID write a similar parody about you...but I was under the impression that you wanted to be a mutant because you had a crush on The Beast. Luckily, Chucky refused to post it, due to the lewd content...or else, how embarrassing would that have been for me.
- Stuart...don't be ridiculous. Australian men do nothing for me. NOTHING! I beg and I plead, but they refuse. Bastards.
Jeff...=) Thanks for the extra work on my behalf...
wannabemustangjockey...Sweet! Thanks! (it's because you get to imagine me with entirely green skin, isn't it?)
Adagio...thanks!
Cat...(looking...looking...oh there it is)...thanks again!
Ash...thanks very much...and I'm glad you agree about Hugh's hotness...because otherwise, we might have to break up. And yeah...on that last bit...I just don't know. I'm stumped.
Max...thanks!
Tomario...hehehe...thank you!
Matthias...you know, that's been rumored, but it's false. I'm 97% comic, 3% unfunny. You know, just a little bit. ; ) Thanks!
Kristof...=) Thanks very much!
Rick...thank you VERY much, Rick...for all the love you poured out on this one...I really appreciate it!!
Johnny...wow! Thanks!
Red Ant...I have to admit I still cringe whenever I see it...but I get over things fairly quickly...(especially when the pouting isn't paying off!)...thanks a bunch!
Stuart...(again)...thanks...(again).
bobpiecheese...thanks a lot! I know that I, personally, would put this below several of the MG parodies that came before it...but I'm glad you like it!
Spaff...hee! Glad you caught it before it got too far away. And thanks a bunch for your kind words...and, of course, for recognizing the true message of the parody: Hugh Jackman is a hot hot bastard...especially in leather pants.
AGAIN...thanks to everyone...sorry for the delay...I love you all!
I just read this again, and it is just the greatest. Seriously, the greatest!!
[SOTY] This comp. brings me to the SOTMs that I missed earlier this year, and this is another one of those. Beautifully paced and a lot of fun to read. Arwen, in parody-writing skills, you know Jack-man! ;)
(SOTY) Still amazing after all these reads :-)
(SOTY) Amazing yes, probably one of the best 'X' parodies ever, Arwen are you Super Woman????? Can't Find you a guy and X Woman, hmm, very interesting lady you must be
"But I've been told that if I whine enough I'm sure to kill a man". Heh -- that killed ME, for sure.
(ABC) See above!!
Great
(ABC) What is it with women always being attracted to the freaks? :) Excellent job on a long freakin' song, Arwen!
You very generously supported my Hobbit entry for this song recently. And it made me want to take a look back at your catalog, and LOOK WHAT I MISSED! This is awesome and great, and I especially enjoyed your mutant power of 'burning in the sun', as well as the flawless rhyme scheme and the excellence throughout this parody. GREAT GREAT, ARWEN. Better late than never I hope.
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