A flight across the puddle, now I’m here in California
I’m hopin’ for some girly action, coz I heard they’re hornier
I want the sins of your land, and I’m up for nights all Heather-y
That Aniston an’ Hoffs’ll do: a foursome, all togethery

I need a belle, an’ quickly too; hope Jamie’s gonna flatter me
I’m up for tanned an’ muscled; fine example: she could batter me
I might try Diaz an’ Pfeiffer; extreme indeed: that *totty, nude
(Spoken line)
Ooh, totty, nude; totty, nude…love it!
(Resume singing)
Want them to pose for snaps, an’ hope to view the Jolie *botty, nude

(Want then to nose their flaps, an’ hope to view the Ricci botty, nude)
(Want them to close their *traps: don’t want to view the bitchy totty feud)
(But then, no shows of baps: got beaten to it by that ruddy *Scotti dude)

He’s very good at jumpin’ in and takin’ all the totty stuff
He only does terrific dames; of them, he’s never got enough
In short, in matters cream o’ ladies, on ‘em all and in ‘em all
Were ripe for dirty glories; he’s had forty eight; unclad, ‘em all

(In sport, in matters team o’ ladies, on ‘em all and in ‘em all)
(All hype: the dirty stories; I exaggerate, an’ pad ‘em all)

-----

I dig your music history; now Jerry’s dead, less hippy stuff
He used to burn the joss sticks, an’ get pretty spaced on trippy stuff
A band I love is Primus; all the rhymes are wordily wonder-ous
Their sonics really soar; the bass of Les, it is so thunderous

I…know well, the song of smelly cats from Central Perk and dippy Pheebs
She’s played by Lisa Kudrow, and her “Friends” are mostly drippy dweebs
Now I will see a gig, in which I’ll hear the Hagar’s mighty roar
(Spoken line)
Ooh, mighty roar, mighty roar…love it!
(Resume singing)
Not lame: the vocal blast; I dug the Halen eighties mighty four

(A shame it didn’t last, but still the Halen sate, I’m mighty sure)
(His fame, it hasn’t passed, an’ still the Halen: great; a mighty draw)
(The blame is in the past, but still his Halen hate is mighty, mighty raw)

A man not bright is Dewey Finn; the shabby, chronic tool o’ rock
I know it’s only actin’; he’s the character in “School o’ Rock”
For ganja cookies: nuts, an’ cravin’; Cheech Marin: one wacky bloke
He pairs with Tommy Chong, an’ they’re the cream o’ stoner wacky folk

(His Sister Mary’s nuts, an’ ravin’; teaches in one wacky joke)
(He shares the Tommy bong, an’ then the beam o’ stoner wacky smoke)

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Got whacked, by Dirty Harry feat; that Scorpio was killin’ ‘em
An’ I thought Clint was right to make a few more; he was *brill in ‘em
I’d utter “Cheers” to Danson if I met him in his tiny bar
And then I’d ask ol’ Tiger how he got that job as hiney tsar

When he gets mad, Bill Bixby’s *togs are frayed, an’ fits of greenery
Well, I don’t want them chick flicks with the lavish summer scenery
Bruce Lee would give a battering: a choppy “dent an’ splatter ‘em”
(Spoken line)
Ooh, I say, that’s a good one, *innit, splatter ‘em, splat…ha, ha, ha, ha…love it!
(Resume singing)
I’d say, a better fighter overall; he’d ever scatter ‘em

(An’ David Carradine as Mister Caine; he’d ever batter ‘em)
(And Easy Money, he would muster same; he’d ever batter ‘em)
(An’ Popeye Doy-le, he would cuss an’ maim; he’d ever shoot or batter ‘em)

Now to Monica re cigar: went to D.C. and was resident
Some pants were then pulled down, an’ there was sinning with the President
A boon for papers an’ the cable, but for Bill, was nigg-l-in’
And in his Oval Office was the joker, who was gigg-l-in’

(Got poon an’ capers on the table; butt, for Bill, was jigg-l-in’)
(And in her oval office was the smoker he was wigg-l-in’)