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Song Parodies -> "I Enter With A Wobble: I'm A Drunken Major-General"

Original Song Title:

"I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General"

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"I Enter With A Wobble: I'm A Drunken Major-General"

Parody Written by:

Andy Primus

The Lyrics

This parody is done to match the Delacorte Theater version with George Rose as the MG (from YouTube).
(There are other versions – this is the one where he is wearing a white uniform with a red sash).

Imagine Queen Elizabeth II is a fan of Gilbert and Sullivan, and regularly goes to see The Pirates of Penzance.

All words or phrases marked with * have a meaning listed in the table below the parody.
A lot of UK slang will mean something completely different to someone from the US.
Some words have been added because they can have other, more obvious, meanings as well.
There are a few pacing anomalies in the song that are also explained below the parody.

-------------------------

(Major-General)
I enter with a wobble: I’m a drunken major-general
I’m into boozin’ when I’m able; in a *mull: had several
I know the Queen is watching; if I fluff the lines, she’s critical
My head is gone; a show to do; I’m ‘bout to get *thersitical

(Major-General)
This musical is tainted blue: my language, diabolical
I cannot stand unaided; now look simple and quite comical
I shout to get me a beer in; I’m screaming for a shot o’ booze
(Spoken line)
Ooh, shot o’ booze, shot o’ booze…love it!
(Resume singing)
So many cheerless *mugs about; I swear I need a lot o’ brews

(Backstage Crew Members)
So many beerless *jugs about; we swear, an’ feed a lot o’ cues
So many fearless thugs about; they swear indeed; a lot o’ oohs
So many cheerless mugs about; a prayer you need; you got a lot o’ boos

(Major-General)
A sherry *pud: unbeatable; my preference is yumminess
I know to buy terrific game; no beings full of crumminess
I’ve caught an’ battered doe an’ sable; crazy meal: I’ve tried it all
I have a heavy middle an’ a *podgy *ticker: fried it all

(Backstage Crew Members)
He’s short an’ *hammered; so unable; crazy reel; we plied it all
He had a heavy *piddle; he’s a *dodgy *sicker; dried it all

-------------------------

(Major-General)
I know *Her Maj is pissed at me: she *blathers how my singin’ sucks
She heard about my antics: how I party with my thing in ducks
I’m quick to pull the feathers, then to cook ‘em after the biz in ‘em
The sauce is *icky, for I never wash ‘em out: there’s *jizz in ‘em

(Major-General)
I…will *gel *unmounted *Daffy belles, and Jersey cows I’ll *boff an’ tease
I’ll *pork the Piggy Muppet; if she gives me flu I’ll cough an’ wheeze
Then I will *hump a corgi bitch, a herd of musk ox and a foal
(Spoken line)
Ooh, tender foal, end o’ foal…love it!
(Resume singing)
I’ll wriggle in some mares an’ cats; I’ll *bonk a tied moose and a mole

(Backstage Crew Members)
He’ll jiggle in some bears an’ bats; he’ll bonk a wide, loose panda hole
He’ll wiggle in some hares an’ rats; he’ll bonk a pied goose and a vole
He’ll giggle in some *mayors an’ Pats; he’ll bonk a plied Bruce and a *zander *shoal

(Major-General)
Then I will take a *boning pill to counteract a puny *horn
And *roger sev’ral wee quail, and an octopus an’ unicorn
My feet in spatters round a stable: animals are beautiful
If not awoken proper, it’s the end of being cute-iful

(Backstage Crew Members)
His meat in tatters, downed, unable: *tranny bulls are brute-iful
He got a broken *chopper; it’s the end of being *fruit-i-ful

-------------------------

(Major-General)
I’m: *cracked, *un-dry, so *potty, *spent; one *hammy *con unravellin’
If I *pull *Liz: with might, my *bowser wife’ll throw a javelin
Hope much: she tears her panties off an’ chucks ‘em; I’m one loony rat
But then a blow, not nicely, “One is not that Georgie Clooney cat”

(Major-General)
With my love spurned, it’s hopeless, so I say she’s odd an’ dragon-y
Now I’m in here: *The Tower, where I’m racked, an’ boy, it’s agony
I’m fraught; they’re ever torturing; a drilly dental battery
(Spoken line)
Ooh, I say, teeth are hurtin’ a bit; battered ‘em; that ha, ha, ha, ha - stop it!
(Resume singing)
I’m now a fretter; fear, I can’t ignore; my teeth are chattery

(Backstage Crew Members)
He’s in a fetter near the *khazi door; the chains are clattery
They broke a *meta, jeered, an’ done some more; the fact was matter-y
He wanted better; beer made him a boor; he got no chat or flattery

(Major-General)
With my *willy very *mullered, no more sucky by the wench-ery
My teeth’ve been pulled out, so there’s no grinning; I’ll be denture-y
And now for “batters with the cable”; whip-sical and hurt-iful
Their game: to make me *gobble, an’ to sodomize a general

(Backstage Crew Members)
And now for spatters on the table; snip-sical and spurt-iful
Their aim: to make him hobble, an’ lobotomize a general



A few points on pacing anomalies – don’t know if all versions are the same:
(a-BOUT bi-NO-mi-al THEO-rem) = (I shout to get me a beer in)
(All the CRIMES of HE-li-o-GAB-a-lus) = (then to cook ‘em after the biz in ‘em)
(I…can TELL un-DOUBT-ed RAPH-a-ELS) = (I will gel unmounted Daffy belles)
(For my MIL-i-TAR-y KNOW-ledge) = (with my willy very mullered)

There are 2 extra syllables (in the last lines only) in each section of triple repeated lines (in brackets)


Mull (noun) = a mess, a muddle
Thersitical = caustic, tactlessly abusive
Mug = face
Jugs = pint mugs with handles (for pints of beer)
Pud = pudding
Podgy = rather fat
Ticker = heart
Hammered = drunk
Piddle = urinate
Dodgy = not good
Sicker = someone who vomits (not strictly correct but a Brit would know what I mean)
Her Maj = Her Majesty the Queen
Blather = talk without making much sense
Icky = nasty, unpleasant
Jizz = man juice
Gel = lubricate
Unmounted = virginal
Daffy = duck
Boff, Pork, Hump, Bonk, Bone, and Roger all have the same meaning
Mayor = we pronounce it as one syllable (matches the other rhymes)
Zander = type of European fish
Shoal = a group of fish swimming together
Willy = man part (dangly)
Horn = harder version of willy
Chopper = can be either a willy or a horn
Tranny = transvestite
Fruitiful = a mangling of fruitful (fertile)
Cracked = crazy
Dry = lacking alcohol
Potty = crazy
Spent = a used force
Hammy = over-theatrical
Con (noun) = a fake
Pull = win the affections of (a possible partner)
Liz = Queen Elizabeth II
Bowser = ugly female
The Tower = The (White) Tower of London (11th C. fortress built for William the Conqueror)
Khazi = toilet
Meta (metacarpal) = long bone of the hand
Meta (metacarpal) = located between the carpals (wrist bones) & the phalanges (finger bones)
Mullered = ruined
Gobble = give head

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
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 5   12
 12
 12
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Below Average Dave - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Holy Shiite (A way of swearing without actually swearing) Andy. . .this had to have taken a very long time to do. Trisyllabic rhyming is so difficult to keep humor going that I didn't even try to rhyme it like that, but not only did you keep it--you maxed the comedy. Pacing is superb, personally I don't think that end list is necessary (most of it is stuff I thought to be common sense) This made more sense than the original song, and was very funny. easily 5s. . .
Leo Keough - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
This was so funny, I didn't even bother checking the pacing...I'll take Dave's word for it...Far and away the best I've seen from you!!!...You've gotta tell me what you were on when you wrote this, so I can pull myself out of my writing slump...555!!!
Andy Primus - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks BAD - it did take a long time, but it was worth it. I was getting bored of doing easy ones, that only take an hour or so, and fancied something a little more challenging. I presume people will already know a lot of the slang from the list, but this way just gives them the option of checking the ones that might catch them out.

Thanks Leo - I was on the sofa when I wrote this.
Leo Keough - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Great response!!!...Are you sure you weren't on a roll?
Andy Primus - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Leo - hammy or cheesy?
Mark Scotti - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Cheers, Andy!!! Utterly brilliant!
AFW - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Unique...very good job on this ttricky song
Christie Marie M - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Great one, Andy! Punch drunk loved your parody! Toasting you 555's!
Tommy Turtle - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Welcome to the Genre-al!
Waay over-the-top concept out of the many tries at TOS. Somehow, I think even Her Majesty is laughing as hard as I am. (No, FG, not you -- HRH Queen Elizabeth ;) 555+++
Fiddlegirl - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Absolutely tickled pink! One of the funniest (and most finely crafted) "Generals" I've read... and sooooooo very educational, too! ROFL, (but I took special care to set my beer down first so it wouldn't spill.) ;)
TJC - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Bravo to this fantastical, creative n' over-the-top 'Generalisimo Grande'! Five curtain calls! andy, Andy, ANDY!
John Jenkins - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Excellent rhyming and parody. TMGLTM.
Andy Primus - January 15, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks to all for v/c's
Old Man Ribber - January 16, 2010 - Report this comment
I'll drink to this! ;D
blackjack21 - January 16, 2010 - Report this comment
Major-ly good and well-crafted parody. The highest of 5s.
Andy Primus - January 23, 2010 - Report this comment
Late thanks to OMR & BJ21

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