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Song Parodies -> "I Am The Hairy Model For The Soloflex Gymnasium"

Original Song Title:

"I Am The Very Model of A Modern Major General"

Parody Song Title:

"I Am The Hairy Model For The Soloflex Gymnasium"

Parody Written by:

TJC

The Lyrics

I had to get pumped up for this one... hope you like it!
MODEL:
I'm legendary model for the Soloflex gymnasium,

With perfect pecs, appeal of sex, a 30 waist and chiseled chin.

Accruing bulk I'm like the 'Hulk' and really quite spectacular;

I've learned by heart each muscle part in Latin's 'pig' vernacular.

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters dietetical,

I understand the Atkins plan, where sugar is heretical

About steroidal usage I am fretting over past abuse,

For many fearful facts foretell of body parts I'm going to lose!.


ALL:
FOR MANY FEARFUL FACTS FORETELL OF BODY PARTS HE'S GOING TO LOSE!
FOR MANY FEARFUL FACTS FORETELL OF BODY PARTS HE'S GOING TO LOSE!
FOR MANY FEARFUL FACTS FORETELL OF BODY PARTS HE'S GOING TO LOSE!


MODEL:
On late night ads I strut my abs and disconnect my cranium.

The sponsor plies my oiled thighs while I get paid for straining 'em;

In short, I'm at the pinnacle of preening, pumped and posing men,

And legendary model for the Soloflex gymnasium!


ALL:
IN SHORT, IN MATTERS FLEXICAL, INVOLVING PUMPED AND POSING MEN,
HE IS THE HAIRY MODEL HAWKING SOLOFLEX GYMNASIUM!


MODEL:
As you can see, I'm perfectly proportioned from my workout time

I exercise to fugues of Bach 'cause "I'll be Bach" was Arnold's line.

In my defense, I'm not so dense or geeky antithetical

See, I can say from Z-to-A my letters alphabetical!

I live the life of 'Zoolander', the movie of the century;

I nearly cried when critics lied and called it 'mockumentary',

Detractors claim my modest brain is rather rudimentary;

To this I turn my brawny buns and 'float one' alimentary!


ALL:
TO THIS HE TURNS HIS BRAWNY BUNS AND 'FLOATS ONE' ALIMENTARY!
TO THIS HE TURNS HIS BRAWNY BUNS AND 'FLOATS ONE' ALIMENTARY!
TO THIS HE TURNS HIS BRAWNY BUNS AND 'FLOATS ONE' ALIMENTARY!


MODEL:
My infomercials run the length that glacial epochs tend to span,

With hoards of helpful hints you'll hear on "15-Easy-Payment" plans:

In short, I'm at the pinnacle of preening, pumped & posing men,

And legendary model for the Soloflex gymnasium!


ALL:
IN SHORT, HE IS A PARAGON OF PREENING, PUMPED & POSING MEN,
HE IS THE HAIRY MODEL HAWKING SOLOFLEX GYMNASIUM!


MODEL:
My rise to godly body-hood has never been a bloodless coup;

I had to kill the Abs-by-Jake and Bow-Flex guys to name a few;

In fact, the bones of bonnie boys are strewn across the USA,

I hunt the competition down; its fun and, well, they're mostly gay.

So now I'm firmly perched upon the apex of my apogee,

No studs around, they're underground; my best ? -- that 'Brad Pitt-ectomy'!

The few buff guys I've left alive thus far have all my threats withstood,

They're either jailed, careers curtailed, or governors from Hollywood!


ALL:
THEY'RE EITHER JAILED, CAREERS CURTAILED, OR GOVERNORS FROM HOLLYWOOD!
THEY'RE EITHER JAILED, CAREERS CURTAILED, OR GOVERNORS FROM HOLLYWOOD!
THEY'RE EITHER JAILED, CAREERS CURTAILED, OR GOVERNORS FROM HOLLYWOOD!


MODEL:
So now my storied life you've heard, of puffery and 'buffer' me,

That's hardly matched in grandeur by the parting of some old red sea;

And still, I reign as paragon of preening, pumped and posing men,

And legendary model for the Soloflex gymnasium!


ALL:
BUT STILL, IN MATTERS FLEXICAL, INVOLVING PUMPED AND POSING MEN,
HE'S REINING HAIRY MODEL HAWKING SOLOFLEX GYMNASIUM!



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 LittleLots
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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 1
 
 4   1
 5
 5
 
 5   12
 7
 7
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Phil Alexander - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent.
MasonR - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Love it!
Cookie-man - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
WOW! That was incredible! 555
Lee O'Sullivan - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Internal rhymes are very fine, you execute them handily
The Arnold/Bach stuff really rocks, if I may speak quite candidly
In short, in matters humourous, in pacing, and in general,
I gladly confer 5-5-5, cause you've done it all very well.
John Barry - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Like it a lot! Pulling off a good parody of this is a daunting challenge, and you've met it marvelously. Right up there with Johnny D's masterpiece of a few weeks ago.
Ashkicksass - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
This is awesome!
Arwen - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh my hell, I'm going to pee my pants! This is another one that I always want to do...but don't think I ever will...because you guys have all set the bar so high...I'm so short I'll never reach it!! The only thing I can do is run under! Anyway...SOOO funny! 5s!
Johnny D Channeling Governor Schwarzenegger - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Ja, ahz ah pahrody writer you ah properly pumped-up. 5 curls, 5 bench-presses, und 5 clean-und-jerks. Mahria would love this ahlmost ahz much ahz I do.
Rick D - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
If you want to and can sing it, I can send you the track I did and am floating around. It would amuse me greatly to have ten performances on the recordings list that I provided back-up for.
TJC - July 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Rick, Johnny , Arwen, Ashkickass, John, Lee, Cookie, Mason and Phil for your kind encouragements! Rick-- I'm no singer, nor midi savy, but it would be fun to play around with (in the trap-door accessed sound proof room under my Soloflex...). Thanks again!
Harry Hayfield - September 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Bodybuidling combining with Gilbert and Sullivan? Whatever next?
Kat - January 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh god, the timing was perfect! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kat - January 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh, by the way,could someone please check my "Twelve days of Science" parody? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee­eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?
Ollie Krall - February 23, 2011 - Report this comment
Wow, that is a GREAT parody! Fantastic!
TJC - May 20, 2011 - Report this comment
Ollie, Kat (squared) and Harry--many thanks!

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