MODEL:
I'm legendary model for the Soloflex gymnasium,

With perfect pecs, appeal of sex, a 30 waist and chiseled chin.

Accruing bulk I'm like the 'Hulk' and really quite spectacular;

I've learned by heart each muscle part in Latin's 'pig' vernacular.

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters dietetical,

I understand the Atkins plan, where sugar is heretical

About steroidal usage I am fretting over past abuse,

For many fearful facts foretell of body parts I'm going to lose!.


ALL:
FOR MANY FEARFUL FACTS FORETELL OF BODY PARTS HE'S GOING TO LOSE!
FOR MANY FEARFUL FACTS FORETELL OF BODY PARTS HE'S GOING TO LOSE!
FOR MANY FEARFUL FACTS FORETELL OF BODY PARTS HE'S GOING TO LOSE!


MODEL:
On late night ads I strut my abs and disconnect my cranium.

The sponsor plies my oiled thighs while I get paid for straining 'em;

In short, I'm at the pinnacle of preening, pumped and posing men,

And legendary model for the Soloflex gymnasium!


ALL:
IN SHORT, IN MATTERS FLEXICAL, INVOLVING PUMPED AND POSING MEN,
HE IS THE HAIRY MODEL HAWKING SOLOFLEX GYMNASIUM!


MODEL:
As you can see, I'm perfectly proportioned from my workout time

I exercise to fugues of Bach 'cause "I'll be Bach" was Arnold's line.

In my defense, I'm not so dense or geeky antithetical

See, I can say from Z-to-A my letters alphabetical!

I live the life of 'Zoolander', the movie of the century;

I nearly cried when critics lied and called it 'mockumentary',

Detractors claim my modest brain is rather rudimentary;

To this I turn my brawny buns and 'float one' alimentary!


ALL:
TO THIS HE TURNS HIS BRAWNY BUNS AND 'FLOATS ONE' ALIMENTARY!
TO THIS HE TURNS HIS BRAWNY BUNS AND 'FLOATS ONE' ALIMENTARY!
TO THIS HE TURNS HIS BRAWNY BUNS AND 'FLOATS ONE' ALIMENTARY!


MODEL:
My infomercials run the length that glacial epochs tend to span,

With hoards of helpful hints you'll hear on "15-Easy-Payment" plans:

In short, I'm at the pinnacle of preening, pumped & posing men,

And legendary model for the Soloflex gymnasium!


ALL:
IN SHORT, HE IS A PARAGON OF PREENING, PUMPED & POSING MEN,
HE IS THE HAIRY MODEL HAWKING SOLOFLEX GYMNASIUM!


MODEL:
My rise to godly body-hood has never been a bloodless coup;

I had to kill the Abs-by-Jake and Bow-Flex guys to name a few;

In fact, the bones of bonnie boys are strewn across the USA,

I hunt the competition down; its fun and, well, they're mostly gay.

So now I'm firmly perched upon the apex of my apogee,

No studs around, they're underground; my best ? -- that 'Brad Pitt-ectomy'!

The few buff guys I've left alive thus far have all my threats withstood,

They're either jailed, careers curtailed, or governors from Hollywood!


ALL:
THEY'RE EITHER JAILED, CAREERS CURTAILED, OR GOVERNORS FROM HOLLYWOOD!
THEY'RE EITHER JAILED, CAREERS CURTAILED, OR GOVERNORS FROM HOLLYWOOD!
THEY'RE EITHER JAILED, CAREERS CURTAILED, OR GOVERNORS FROM HOLLYWOOD!


MODEL:
So now my storied life you've heard, of puffery and 'buffer' me,

That's hardly matched in grandeur by the parting of some old red sea;

And still, I reign as paragon of preening, pumped and posing men,

And legendary model for the Soloflex gymnasium!


ALL:
BUT STILL, IN MATTERS FLEXICAL, INVOLVING PUMPED AND POSING MEN,
HE'S REINING HAIRY MODEL HAWKING SOLOFLEX GYMNASIUM!