The guy's name is Vlad, he'll make you squirm
After you've employed his attorney's firm.
His dark-screened windows, P.M. 1:04
Should give knowledge that his man'll want to swig some gore.
He says "habeas corpus" so knowingly;
You discover that he moved here from Hungary.
He says "habeas corpus" like Lugosi;
Your neck's exposed; he gazes at it hungrily.

The office boy's got a double mark
On his jugular, and his eyes are dark.
By contrast, his skin looks mighty blanched,
It's a shame that the incision couldn't have been stanched.
Your corporeal features he longs to see--
Your throat's exposed; he gazes at it hungrily.
He hopes to open your gorge so lustily;
You'll soon regret that you acted so trustingly.

Making lawyer jokes is a fun game,
It's an easy profession to defame.
Some lawyers have expensive cars and suits,
Because they have bled you dry, and taken all your loot.
They pass the bar exam, then bleed metaphorically,
But in the case of this firm, it's literally.
With some self-examination, retrospectively,
Office boy says, "I wish he hadn't bitten me."

Your legal colleague first gets a lethal grip;
He calls you "partner" as he starts to sip.
At this point, you wish that he'd been weaned--
Your pinpoint-cloth collar now must be cleaned.
He's messed up your shirt so ruddily,
The last thing that you want is to dress grungily.
He gives a caress that's so cuddly
Because he has just treated your veins spongily.

Your blood's so rich. . .streams from the vent,
Your sockets look burrowed; you've got pallorment.
His throat is bloated, bolstering your pall.
When he is finished, you will be at his beck and call.
He's down to spittle; a drainee trainee
Is your role till you have bloodsucking mastery.
He's downed liquid vittles--satiety,
And so now you must take bloodsucking past theory.

A wan man, you've stopped acting sanguinely,
At night you're sopping up sanguinarily.
Your soul has become fettered and you are a ghoul,
Your maw's full of saliva--hemoglobin drool.
You are now going for it, jugularly,
You quit your day job, 'cause you live nocturnally.
You are making a change professionally;
You now have credentials to be an attorney.