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Song Parodies -> "King Chucky's Nightmare Song"

Original Song Title:

"The Nightmare Song"

Original Performer:

Gilbert and Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"King Chucky's Nightmare Song"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

This is a contribution to Stuart McArthur's project, "The Pirates Who Penstanzas".
When you run a web-site, you may try as you might
To maintain a facade of your piety

But you'll see some may use, randy language they choose
To indulge in, with loud impropriety

Porno raining like fire---the perverts conspire---
In numerous numbers to plunder you

First your motherboard goes, and surrenders to those,
Who would steal it impurely from under you

Then your firewall's rubble---your network's in trouble---
So terribly smart is their cracking

And you're now at a loss, and you fumble and floss
Ev'ry mem'ry address that they're hacking

Then the perverts all creep to the sound of a beep
And you see 'em all coming in faster

Next your keyboard resigns and politely declines
To take part in impending disaster

Well, you go get a Coke but it's warm and you choke
On that sugary ca-ra-mel brewage

While the lumbering teams with the horrible schemes
Start to bury your server in sewage

It's no dream, you are losing the battle they're choosing
You're shouting and screaming in diction

Which is something between impolite and obscene
And a very appalling affliction

And you're facing defeat from the vice-hammer-beat
Of that party of vengeful invaders

They're a ravenous horde--and your poor motherboard's
Alone there and now facing Darth Vader

You find an attorney asleep on a gurney
In your local hospital's lobby

And he says that your case is no ambulance-chase
And computers aren't his kind of hobby

Well, you're driving like mad and you're feeling real bad
As you hurry back home to your PC

Where they're playing lewd games, and they call you bad names
When you tell them they're slimy and sleazy

And this they can't stand, so they throw up a hand,
And you're staring at rude middle digital

And you're hurt and you're shocked and you're certain they've rocked
You so badly you're tempted to ditch it all

And now on your tube is a virtual boob
Which has somehow or other invaded it

And it's swelling so large it's as large as a barge
Every pixel you see has inflated it

It's a scheme of their vices, to get at low prices
Computer time free for the taking

They tickle your cable, their goal to enable,
Their filthy and foul mischief-making

You get a good filter to throw them off-kilter
(first you must re-boot with "Salute-Three")

And you beg for relief, but the Finger-of-Grief,
Flips a birdie and says " I'll compute free! "

On your screen, grosser sleaze -- nude wet apes in green trees,
Crawling flowers on apples and man-berries

While the randy hackers eat their SPAM and crackers,
Snickers, Slim Jims, and Maraschino cherries

You stare and you mourn so, as gut-wrenching porno
Is raping your CPU wildly

You bawl and you howl and to call this stuff foul
Is without a doubt putting it mildly ----

Your computer's a wreck,
And it's sicker than heck,
And a blundering whore,
Gives a thundering roar
From its screen, and within,
There's an unholy grin,
That was left by a creep,
For years deftly did sleep,
Then it woke up and rose,
And applied all its woes,
And some stuff that it flung,
Turned your hard drive to dung,
And a virus attacked,
Without warning or tact,
And you find yourself venting to Rover ----

But the hackers, at last --

Have now run out of gas --

And their blight was quite long --

-- ditto ditto my song --

-- and thank goodness they're both of them over!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 0
 2
 
 5   17
 18
 16
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin rhodes - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
hats off.....my favorite G & S song....wonderful job...5s
Phil Alexander - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
I said on the messageboard, and I'll say it again here: super, JD. Simply marvellous.
Rex - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Awesome!
Paul Robinson - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, more DKTOS for me, but I'm highly amused at this project...Sure glad I never tried to post any of that smutty-type stuff here ~ ~ ~
AFW - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Cathedral high fives
Rick C - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
This is amazing! 555
Red Ant - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent Johnny D. Is there a listing of the song's order you could post on the thread? I have the 1968 2 CD PoP recording if that helps. Thanks.
Scathe - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Nice.
Stray Pooch - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Johnny, ya put us to shame, sir! This is incredible work! It's Gilby and Sully to the core! We must defer to the Lord High Massachusioner!! 555
Stuart McArthur - July 15, 2005 - Report this comment
yes, I too have commented on the MB, but this is brilliant - 555
Johnny D - July 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks alvin, Philbo, Rex, Paul, AFW, Rick C, Red Ant, Scathe, Stray Pooch, and Stuart.
Agrimorfee - August 08, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05) Here's the 555 that should have been placed earlier (this is a contender for #1!)
Jeff Reuben - August 12, 2005 - Report this comment
ABC: Excellent part of the Penstanzas opera!
Scathe - August 13, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC-K) Again, nice.
Dee Range - August 13, 2005 - Report this comment
ABC....words can't do this justice. One of the best parodies on this site, hands down. Absolutely masterful.
Stuart McArthur - August 13, 2005 - Report this comment
(K) yes, well, what hasn't been said? - the internal rhymes are flawless (even "mourn-so"/"porno"!) - and what a great contribution to the opera - master-tactician/philosopher Major-General Johnny D, I salute you
Red Ant - August 13, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05)-Best line here IMHO- "...rude middle digital". I followed the MIDI up until the "Your computer's a wreck" part, but still excellent and looks like a major undertaking to parody this OS.
Armstrong - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Johnny I always love your stuff but the porno line really takes the cake. I was drinking mountain dew at the time and well... let's just say paper towels were needed. AWESOME!
Agrimorfee - May 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Just looking at this again, remembering the good times about this Pirates musical....what happened to those days?
olivetree - January 24, 2009 - Report this comment
This is great- I really appreciate the modernized version of G and S (I'm a big G & S fan). One comment: not all of the lines quite match the rhythm, so it's a little bit hard to actually sing, but other than that, two thumbs up!
Andria - January 24, 2009 - Report this comment
Great job, Johnny. I can almost step into the shoes of ChuckyG when he is working with AmIRight, AmIWrong, InThe70s, InThe80s, InThe90s and InThe00s, thanks to all the references to hackers. I am personally worried about Dr Music hacking into this site and possibly other ChuckyG-owned sites thanks to the comment made yesterday on the recently-deleted "TVtropes" parody. 5s.

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