A modest monk named Mendel modeled theories genetical,
Though theological, he'd no moniker of "heretical."
His masterpiece, he mastered peas and heredity general
For matter that's not mineral but animal and veg'table.

Because we've seen there are no genes in matter that's sedimental.

He didn't dabble in matters cosmic or astrological,
But neither did his pea pods keep him from God or canonical
Concerns; confirmed was he in his theses, and so he sought some views
From scientists to complement commandments the guy got in pews

A science bent had this fine gent; leguminous, he got enthused.

He followed in the footsteps of Linnaeus, intense botanist;
M follows L in alphabet. Coincidence? Your thought on this?
Forget mineral; in matter that's animal and veg'table,
A modest monk named Mendel modeled theories genetical.

Short gent, not courtly, matter-of-fact was this monk in general.
His masterpiece, mastering peas, eternal not ephemeral.

You might think that his feats with genes were replete with deep paradox
Because at base you'd make the case that he'd trained as a man of cloth.
To skeptics Mendel lent an ear and never sneered, his pals to "shush,"
He'd bless the Pope, head for the slopes then, fearless, steer the Alps to schuss.

He steered some slopes but sheared some "slopes," veered too close to clear zaftig bust.

Not monomaniac but monotheist, he seized botany.
He went to town, set money down for peas, pleaded, "You got any?"
The Wop shopkeeper* mocked his frock--frayed, rent--when he walked in the door;
Sotto voce** he chortled, "Hey, is that raiment a pinafore?!"

Sotted that day, he'd snorted way too much Tokay from kin next door.***

Greg's dress meant simple vestments; it could be construed as uniform--
Shredded threads shed at night; the beds lined up congruent in the dorm.
In shorts of matter vegetable—sack—he sacked out nocturnal;
If he woke, to window he'd go to go when jokers locked ur'nal.

In shorts of matter vegetable—sack—he sacked out nocturnal;
Diurnally and urine-free, he wrote notes in his pods journal.

He donned his togs and trod in clogs and potted clods; unravelin',
Sometimes, his duds subside in mud, sty grunge, but he shunned cavilin'.
While funk-sunk monks hunkered on bunks, debating state of Ararat,
He'd brave the rain, range his domain, save peas and grain, and scare a rat,

Then set a trap; its neck was snapped, all that remained was hair 'n' fat.

They'd grow chick peas, but no chicks teased, pleased these premises brotherly;
The temptation might tempt matin'; might run amonk [sic] in nunnery .
Puzzled once, nuzzled by a nun, veering toward his anatomy,
[[[For some inexplicable reason, the last line of this verse and the following verse are sung by someone with a heavy Brooklyn accent, thus: spurned: spoined; returned: retoined; burning: boining; oil: earl; heard: hoid; burst: boist; bird: boid; averred: avoid; avoid: averred; girls': goils'; voids: verds]]]
But she was spurned and he returned, burning oil, peering at a pea.


(Enjoy a boy?! Toys they deploy, he'd heard, or employ Sapphic means.)
The oil hot burned, peaceful thoughts burst in please-'im Pisum sat'vum paeans.****
He'd bagged no bird 'cause he'd averred: avoid girls' voids and shag no piece.
This peaceful priest, appeased by peas, preached, "Please feast on a sack o' beans."

Groundbreaking Gregor has been dead heading on to two centuries.
Just think how we'd dunce be if he'd not been hungry and sent for peas.
He cleaved his peas in pieces that were easily chopped, mincible.
This modest monk named Mendel modeled theories convincible.

Beyond convincing, they've become since ingrained and intrinsical.
This modest monk named Mendel's models maintained as invincible.


*Refers to ongoing tensions between Italian-speaking and German-speaking residents of northern Italy, bordered by Austria
**SAW-toe VO-chay, in a soft low voice, to avoid being heard (Italian for "under the voice")
***Tokay: sweet wine from Austria's eastern neighbor Hungary
**** (PEA-un) song of praise or joy; slurred into a single syllable here to rhyme with "bean"