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Song Parodies -> "Taurus Galore Song"
Original Song Title:
"Toreador Song"
Original Performer:
Georges Bizet
Parody Song Title:
"Taurus Galore Song"
Parody Written by:
John A. Barry
The Lyrics
In a moment of madness, I contemplated parodying the entire opera "Carmen" as "Car Men." But when I found the libretto (42 pages in 11-point type), I quickly regained sanity.
SALESMAN:
Ford toast? Sir, I can give to you
Assurances that they'll be sold here.
Here's a Taurus that is mighty grand. . .
No pressure! No pressure!
[Aside: Selling's combat!]
CUSTOMER:
Of feces you are full, this and every day.
Of feces you are full. . .what drops from bottom.
A dreck-brayer. Doo-doo you've said.
SALES MAN:
No dreck-sayer, sir, how can you say that?!
[Aside: A pox on ya, you're such a bore, you son of a whore]
Because this is a sellabration of carage;
It is a sellabration to get people cars.
CUSTOMER:
Let go, bastard, let go of my arm!
SALESMAN:
Taurus galore. Fine car. Taurus galore! Taurus galore!!
A dream to drive, yes, dream about that.
That backseat is awful huge.
Love to go for a cruise?
Taurus is yours, if you choose.
A dream to own, yes, dream about that.
Got 'em in black and in rouge. . .
Love it. . .sleek as a luge.
Taurus is yours; the price ain't huge.
CUSTOMER:
You've made me sullen. Give me silence.
And please stop all your yapping.
Your cries transcend "enormous."
Your cries transcend "shriek chorus."
Your bull's charming--
Not! Out it comes in torrents!
SALESMAN:
Would you like to be a renter?
You lease--it's not sold.
CUSTOMER:
Gag me! You prickish boor.
That's so much bull! Say no more!
Thus, no bull will come
From your dumb mouth, my friend.
Spare me your badinage, schmoe!
Full are you with the runs.
Try to make me think I'm your bud. . .
Say anything to make a sale.
SALESMAN:
I feel so spurned now. I'm low.
I sparred, but no, but no. Damn!
Taurus galore. He's hard. Taurus, no score.
CUSTOMER:
[Aside: He schemes the sale, yes, schemes a combat.
That guy is always trying to screw
The likes of me and you.]
SALESMAN:
Taurus galore. One awaits you.
[Aside: One last scheme awaits in this combat.]
I will throw in leather seats for you.
CUSTOMER:
They're luscious! That you'll do?
Taurus adored if that you'll do!
SALESMAN:
[Aside: It seems to me the dweeb has bought that
pitch.]
Yes, sir, that is just what I will do.
With this deal you'll go through?
CUSTOMER:
Taurus adored. Love baby blue--
So creamy and so dreamy is that
Fantastically "ooh" azure hue.
SALESMAN:
Here's paperwork for you.
[4 hours of paperwork signing]
CUSTOMER:
So, there, now are we through?
SALESMAN:
Taurus is yours. I'll say "adieu."
[As the customer drives down the street, the car begins to fall apart.]
CUSTOMER:
Hunk of junk!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Taurus abhorred, Taurus abhorred. Bucket of screws!!!
Ford toast? Sir, I can give to you
Assurances that they'll be sold here.
Here's a Taurus that is mighty grand. . .
No pressure! No pressure!
[Aside: Selling's combat!]
CUSTOMER:
Of feces you are full, this and every day.
Of feces you are full. . .what drops from bottom.
A dreck-brayer. Doo-doo you've said.
SALES MAN:
No dreck-sayer, sir, how can you say that?!
[Aside: A pox on ya, you're such a bore, you son of a whore]
Because this is a sellabration of carage;
It is a sellabration to get people cars.
CUSTOMER:
Let go, bastard, let go of my arm!
SALESMAN:
Taurus galore. Fine car. Taurus galore! Taurus galore!!
A dream to drive, yes, dream about that.
That backseat is awful huge.
Love to go for a cruise?
Taurus is yours, if you choose.
A dream to own, yes, dream about that.
Got 'em in black and in rouge. . .
Love it. . .sleek as a luge.
Taurus is yours; the price ain't huge.
CUSTOMER:
You've made me sullen. Give me silence.
And please stop all your yapping.
Your cries transcend "enormous."
Your cries transcend "shriek chorus."
Your bull's charming--
Not! Out it comes in torrents!
SALESMAN:
Would you like to be a renter?
You lease--it's not sold.
CUSTOMER:
Gag me! You prickish boor.
That's so much bull! Say no more!
Thus, no bull will come
From your dumb mouth, my friend.
Spare me your badinage, schmoe!
Full are you with the runs.
Try to make me think I'm your bud. . .
Say anything to make a sale.
SALESMAN:
I feel so spurned now. I'm low.
I sparred, but no, but no. Damn!
Taurus galore. He's hard. Taurus, no score.
CUSTOMER:
[Aside: He schemes the sale, yes, schemes a combat.
That guy is always trying to screw
The likes of me and you.]
SALESMAN:
Taurus galore. One awaits you.
[Aside: One last scheme awaits in this combat.]
I will throw in leather seats for you.
CUSTOMER:
They're luscious! That you'll do?
Taurus adored if that you'll do!
SALESMAN:
[Aside: It seems to me the dweeb has bought that
pitch.]
Yes, sir, that is just what I will do.
With this deal you'll go through?
CUSTOMER:
Taurus adored. Love baby blue--
So creamy and so dreamy is that
Fantastically "ooh" azure hue.
SALESMAN:
Here's paperwork for you.
[4 hours of paperwork signing]
CUSTOMER:
So, there, now are we through?
SALESMAN:
Taurus is yours. I'll say "adieu."
[As the customer drives down the street, the car begins to fall apart.]
CUSTOMER:
Hunk of junk!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Taurus abhorred, Taurus abhorred. Bucket of screws!!!
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User Comments
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fun take on one of the opera songs i can actually tolerate...first i thought it was gonna be about the astrological sign
Great parody. The Ford Taurus is a very popular car within my family, and we all own pre-1996 models because they are better-looking than the later ones, since they are reminiscent of catfish, or so my sadly-departed grandfather said. I personally thought that they resembled cockroaches. DKTOS, so no vote.
Taurus Galore! I remembered when I was 11, me and this friend of my I used to ride the school bus with would hunt for every Ford Taurus on the roads and we'd go screaming like crazy! Even other kids on the bus got in on it. Good write on an opera parody! I enjoyed it. LOL on "4 hrs. of paperwork." Talk about those tricky car salesmen making a deal (and ending up selling lemons).
I do hope you got a fair price, Mr. BvD. Happy New Year, Barry, wherever you be . . .
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