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Song Parodies -> "It's Statutory Time I'm Servin'"

Original Song Title:

"High Noon (Do Not Forsake Me, Oh My Darlin')"

Original Performer:

Frankie Laine / Tex Ritter

Parody Song Title:

"It's Statutory Time I'm Servin'"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

The offense presently known in Turtleville as "unlawful sex with a minor" was historically entitled "statutory rape", in that even though consent was given, a minor is legally incapable of giving consent; hence, it was "rape" by statute (law). Back then, it applied only to girls (chauvinists!) ... At 15, TT was soooo desperately in need of legal protection from his beautiful, hungry 28-year-old teachers ... not. OTOH, sex wasn't fatal back then, so there! :P

It's statutory time I'm servin'
I'm lucky not to ... fry-y
Judge: fifteen years, am I deservin'
Why? For lie?

She looked mature; said she was eighteen
Had no ID (and who would check?)
She told me, "Sure! I'm legal play-teen!"
Her Dad cold-cocked me
And up they locked me
For fifteen minutes and one peck

Oh, to be torn 'twixt horn and booty
Posin', this juicy-oozin' cutey
Calendar pages move along
Ruin' my poon [1]

I'm Bubba's b*tch inside State Prison
All of the inmates know I'm his'n
'Cause I got laid, his breath, I know
Why did I screw and believe her?

For snatchin' glory, time I'm servin'
She made fake premise 'ere we bed
I bought her story; 'twasn't pervin'
For her word, heedin'
I'm in here, bleedin'
For givin' credence: what she said

Way too long! (way of dong) (Gay, too long ... 'mong this throng)
Pay: too long!

[1] Double meaning: "ruin" and "ruing" ("rue" - "ruing")

Always difficult to decide whether to credit Tex Ritter, who sang the Oscar-winning theme song in the movie, or Frankie Laine, who made the song a hit, slightly altering the lyrics so those who hadn't seen the movie would still get the idea. Have been alternating which name goes first on each new twist (wimp).

© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

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TJC - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Trollin', trollin', trollin...
No time soon parolin'...
Raw Deal!
If it *really* went down that way (no punnin') the guy got screwed-squared! Great stuff from the Wild (and Mae) Westerly mind of The Turtle!
Mark Scotti - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment
What...No sheep??? LOL Another look into the darkened mind of a turtle! 555 years...
Old Man Ribber - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment
15 can get you 20, TT. Great send-up! ;D
Andy Primus - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment
5 bottles of mouthwash for Bubba, 5 wet wipes for you & 5 Polaroids to send to your relatives.
Fiddlegirl - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment
LOL @ line 19! (also 8 and 10. Which put together would make 18, alas-- a lass) Oh-so-sly :)
Tommy Turtle - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment
TJC: LOL! ... thanks TJ!

Mark: Exactly. Ya see what happens when ya try humans? Ya stick to sheep, this is NOT a problem! *Now* does it all become clear? :) ... thanks for v/c!

Old Man Ribber: Should be the other way around ... 20 years of sex, 15 minutes in prison... could probably handle that :) thanks for v/c!

Andy Primus: Unfortunately, I need that mouthwash too (think about it), and, uh, pass on the Polaroids (do they still make those, with digital cameras?), but how 'bout the hemorrhoids? :) :) :) thanks for v/c!

Fiddlegirl: You are starting on the path to enlightenment, aren't you, Grasshopper? :D Thanks for v/c/g (grok)
AFW - August 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Naughty turtle
TT - August 12, 2009 - Report this comment
AFW: Look who's talking! :) thanks A.
Patrick - July 08, 2011 - Report this comment
There has always been a double standard on this topic. My cousin and I were watching a news program on TV when we heard a report of a 15 year old male student who had been seduced by his 25 year old female teacher. Spontaneously and simultaneously we both began singing "Ooh, what a lucky boy he was".
Tommy Turtle - July 09, 2011 - Report this comment
Patrick: Where *were* all these teachers when I was in school? ... yep, it was a double standard, but the act carries connotations far beyond the moment's pleasure, and presumably, the older party has a lot of unfair advantages, regardless of the gender of the younger. Still, I'd like to have been a victim... ;) Thanks for v/c.

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