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Song Parodies -> "(Chump) Change You Will Be-Leavin' (Us) [health care plan]"

Original Song Title:

"I Believe"

Original Performer:

Frankie Laine

Parody Song Title:

"(Chump) Change You Will Be-Leavin' (Us) [health care plan]"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

I believe that Congress: ev'ry law they pass
The tax bill grows
I believe that someday soon I'll walk bare-ass
Afford no clothes
I believe the Health Care Plan discussed today
In Hell, no way
That we can pay
Us: deceive...
Chump change, leave...

I believe ten-trillion-dollar health-care cost
Is quite absurd
I believe they underestimate what's lost
Don't take my word:
Medicare was passed in 1965
"One billion, max" [1]
We bought that jive
So, sakes alive:
Don't believe!

I believe as our lifeblood, they drain away
Health care declines
I believe for surgery that's called "routine"
We'll wait in lines
I decide between myself and my M.D.
What course to take
Not Congress, see?
Choice: receive....
Gov.? I grieve...

I believe that in an economic mess
Don't add more debt
I believe that Congress, by their acts, confess:
Don't "get" that yet!
Ev'ry time I hear a politician lie
Propose "relief"
Tax cost, deny
Then you and I:
Chump change, leave!

[1] When JFK first proposed Medicare, he said that the cost to taxpayers would "never go over $1 billion". (is that all?)

The costs of Medicare doubled every four years between 1966 and 1980.

Beneficiary premiums are highly subsidized, (that means that our general tax money is used to keep the premiums down for the insured), and that taxpayer subsidy in 2002 was $230.9 billion.

Medicare spending is growing steadily in both absolute terms and as a percentage of the federal budget. Total Medicare spending reached $440 billion for fiscal year 2007, or 16% of all federal spending.

Richard W. Fisher, President of the Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas has remarked that in order to "cover the unfunded liability"(the amounts that will be owed in excess of what will be collected) for the Medicare program today over an infinite time horizon, "you would be stuck with an $85.6 trillion bill" which is "more than six times the annual output of the entire U.S. economy". (Gross domestic product (GDP) was estimated as $14.3 trillion in 2008.)

The present value of unfunded obligations under all parts of Medicare during 2007 over a 75-year forecast horizon is approximately $34.0 trillion. In other words, this amount would have to be set aside today such that the principal and interest would cover the shortfall over the next 75 years.

And *that's* just MEDICARE, folks. So for the cost of Everyonecare, multiply by, umm, carry the 12... = More than the entire economic output of the entire freakin' WORLD, estimated in 2008 at $70 trillion. The only "change you can believe in" is that which will be left in your pocket, if any.


The author admits to having a personal bias, in that under any sort of government-run health care scheme presently existing or proposed, he'd have been dead over a decade ago. No further details for the sake of privacy, please.

© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

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Fiddlegirl - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Well-written. Let's hope our leadership acts wisely.
Mark Scotti - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Scary stuff, told very well, TT! I did my own the other day:
Timmy1000 - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
You're right on the first bill - it was supposed to not add cost, but the budget guys said it did - and this is probably form budgeteers who know how to hide the costs. We keep hearing about a bill to pass that the voters will not read nor understand when they vote.
Mark Scotti - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
TT, got another parody produced. Check out;
littleCUPcakes - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
SenorTaTa~ Excellent, Sir ! Right on target . . . just like TonyTiger!
AFW - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Very well written
alvin - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
you really did your homework on this one
Coop'd up - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
This parody was truly a primo balm, uh, for what ails me/we/thee... you've summarized our plight brilliantly.... and thrown in some exceptionally juicy Turtle wok, to boot!
Christie Marie M - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Great parody as always, Tommy! Telling like it is. The economy isn't getting any better. I'm also having financial issues of my own, since I got laid off and unemployed for a very long time! :( Oh, well, here's a change of $555.
Tommy Turtle - July 23, 2009 - Report this comment
Fiddlegirl, Mark Scotti, Timmy1000, littleCUPcakes, AFW, alvin, Coop'd up, Christie Marie M, thanks all for votes and comments.

Puter is in the shop and I'm on a backup that's rather slow and awkward, so I'll probably be out of the loop a while longer, but this inspiration struck and "wrote itself", so to speak. (psst, alvin: wikipedia.)

Christie Marie M,, hope you find a job soon. My business is very bad also, and the last thing I need is higher taxes.

Yeah, I know, they'll "tax the rich" to pay for it. They suckered the American public into voting for the Constitutional amendment to permit the unconstitutional Income promising that only the rich would pay it; no middle-class person or family would ever be affected by it. The government has a batting average of .000 on adhering to such promises.

On that topic, did you all know that when you buy tires for your car, you're paying a tire tax that was levied during World War II (that was, uh, 1941 or so), partly to raise money, partly to discourage driving so the gasoline and rubber could be used to supply the soldiers, who were in great need of rubber(s)? The tax was supposed to expire at the end of the war. 63 years later, you're still paying it. As I was saying ... Cheers all.
C. Everett Koop, M. D. - July 23, 2009 - Report this comment
Coop'd up, Sir or Madam, dost thou mock me, the former Surgeon General of the United States?

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