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Song Parodies -> "The Even-Newer Colossus ('Statue of Liberty' Inscription Revision)"

Original Song Title:

"The New Colossus"

Original Performer:

Emma Lazarus

Parody Song Title:

"The Even-Newer Colossus ('Statue of Liberty' Inscription Revision)"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

The 14-line sonnet that, contrary to popular belief, is *not* inscribed on the statue that stands in New York Harbor that, contrary to popular belief, is *not* officially titled "The Statue Of Liberty".

The statue's real name is "Liberty Enlightening The World", though the shorter designation has become universal within the US, and common elsewhere. The inscription isn't even on the outside of the pedestal, as often depicted in cartoons, but rather inside the pedestal (and nowhere on the statue itself.) Only the last 4 1/2 lines are known to those few who know it at all any more.

Given that the attitudes inscribed, described, and symbolized seem to have changed, TT thinks they should change the inscription accordingly.

So many immigrants to US, came
From Europe and Asia, seeking freer land
You are the sons and daughters of that band
Unless Amer'can Native (US' shame) [1]
But now, imprison those: Hispanic name
Hundred-foot, massive wall, on border, stand
'Lectrified "welcome"; our wild cries: "You're banned!"
"I'm here, so lift the gangplank!", we proclaim [2]
"All other lands, no more: your peeps!", cry we
And block their ships. "Keep all your tired, your poor,
"Your welfare moochers, schooling kids for free [3]
"Their low-cost labor, unions here abhor
"The USA has reached capac-i-ty
"I douse my lamp and slam the golden door!"

OS (Original Sonnet, contrasting "Liberty" to the ancient Colossus of Rhodes)

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name:
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
"Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
"The wretched refuse of your teeming shore [4]
"Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me
"I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

[1] Everyone here who is of 100% Native American ancestry, raise your hand. .... thought so. Even if your ancestors came over on the Mayflower, you're still the descendant of immigrants. If only the Indians had had stricter immigration laws, like those proposed nowadays (and an electrified fence with which to enforce them) ... they'd be alive today. See [2] in a little bit.

[2] The "gangplank mentality": Best exempified by those who complain of the rapacoius developers in their area who tear up orchards and farmland to build houses, thus ruining their town. Excuuuse me, but didn't one of those rapacious developers have to tear up some orchards or farmland to build the house, apartment, condo, or whatever, in which *you* are now living?

This is the "gangplank mentality": "I made it on the ship, so now you can lift the gangplank and not let anyone else on." Seen frequently in ballot measures in towns trying to cap their growth or population, the thought apparently being that the number of people there now is *exactly* the right number. What's odd is that none of these measures ever *reduces* the present popluation by requiring all those who arrived in, say, the last ten years, to leave, thus restoring the lovely area to how much more beautiful it was ten years ago. Or require *everyone* to leave, tear down everything, and make it a forest or whatever again. "I'm here, so that's enough people."

But... "More residents will ruin the quality of life that brought me here!" ... Yeah, but *you* incrementally lowered the quality of life that existed before *your* arrival ... (sigh -- logic is hopeless. Look up "solipsism" sometime).

[3] Numerous studies have shown that on the whole, "illegal" immigrants contribute far more to society than they consume in Government services, especially since they are often afraid to seek medical care, aren't eligible for Social Security disability benefits, Worker's Compensation (compensation for on-the-job injuries, including both medical bills and lost wages), etc., etc., but see above re: "logic". "My mind is made up -- don't confuse me with the facts."

[4] Looks like we don't want anyone's poor, wretched refuse or homeless anymore, so if yer not gonna use Tommy's revision, at least scratch out *these* lines -- and give thanks that your tired, poor, wretched ancestors made it in in time, as mine did.

Apologies to Emma Lazarus, and thanks be that TT was able to climb to the top of the Statue a couple of decades ago. Hard to imagine how our ancestors felt after spending months asea, to see* the first man-made structure, the figure with the Torch of Freedom, come into view.

*(asea, to see -- heh heh - "from asea to shining see" :-)

What today's two posts have in common: Women "posing". ;)

© 2010 Tommy Turtle. The above parody is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0. United States License. In short, you may redistribute the parody for non-commercial purposes, without changing it in any way, and with attribution to the author and a link to this page. E-mail:

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Total Votes: 6

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User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - February 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Few parodies here have ever been as thought-provoking! The Turtle always has depth, but this is something else entirely. Thank you, T.T. ;D
Patrick - February 17, 2010 - Report this comment
I've seen photos of parts of Detroit where once-thriving urban neighborhoods are reverting back to wilderness. Some places here in Kansas City are similar. With the current state of the economy, maybe I'll have to brush up on my Spanish and head south to look for a job.
Mark Scotti - February 17, 2010 - Report this comment
And a turtle swam deep, over to Liberty Island, and produced this wondorous work! Great job, TT!
Radical Lazy'rus - February 17, 2010 - Report this comment
I'm down with OMR's analysis... truly lexcellent n' thought provoking stuff, TT! I appreciated EZ access to the OS (orig sonnet!) and interesting feet notes...

In honor of your parody they should rename 'er 'The Statutory of Libertarian'!
Fiddlegirl - February 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Rand would be proud! :) 555
AFW - February 17, 2010 - Report this comment
No other parody could hold a torch to this
Phil Nelson - February 17, 2010 - Report this comment
This was a fitting parody, although DKTOS.
Tommy Turtle - February 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Old Man Ribber: You do me great honor, Sir. :) Thank *you*, and it's my pleasure.

Patrick: All of that was caused by Government intervention of various kinds through the years.... thanks for v/c.

Mark Scotti: The water was a bit chilly for the reptile's liking, but quite dramatic was the Statue -- and the deck atop the former Twin Towers.... Thanks for the v/c from Flattery Park! (ouch!)

Radical Lazy'rus: Well, isn't that strange, how "Libertarian" and "Liberty" have the same root words! What are the odds?! It's ... it's almost liked they *planned* it that way! (So does "Liberal", which has been twisted 180 degrees from the Liberal Thinkers of the Enlightenment.) Looking forward to the renaming, and thanks for v/c!

Fiddlegirl: Thank you, but it also matters whether FG is proud ;) (btw, Rand was the child of Russian immigrants who escaped from the Bolshevik Revolution just in time.)

AFW: LOL! Good one -- and thanks!

Phil Nelson: As per intro, *nobody* knows TOS any more -- at least, judging by current debate. (psst! -- that's why it was printed right under the parody! Sneaky, eh? ;) Thanks for v/c.
Phil Nelson - February 18, 2010 - Report this comment
Oh, I didn't realize that was the song. Ok.
Just Making Sure @ Phil Nelson - February 18, 2010 - Report this comment
Not to be overkill, but the lower one that says "Original Sonnet" is the *actual inscription* inside the pedestal of the statue. The parody suggests changing that inscription. Hope it's all clear now, and apologies if it wasn't presented clearly enough originally. Will try to do better next time.
Qlinkster - August 01, 2010 - Report this comment
Effing liberal...
Tommy Turtle - August 01, 2010 - Report this comment
Qlinkster: "Liberal", as used today in the USA, is totally different from "Libertarian", e. g., this writer, as Radical Lazy'rus and Fiddlegirl noted. Check it out: ... Thanks for stopping by.

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