grandpa got won over by a strange queer
left my gran alone on christmas eve
you may think his fantasy is crazy
but actually, he's out now he's relieved

he's been trying on her nightgown
and she didn't even know
so when he met a transy
he just knew he had to go

when we found him christmas morning,
damn near had a heart attack,
it had painted all his toenails,
and it said "time to shave your back"

grandpa got won over by a strange queer
left my gran alone on christmas eve
you may think his fantasy is crazy
but actually, he's out now he's relieved

now we're not proud of our grandma
she's been crying way too long
said that on the night they got married
he tried to put her panties on

it's just not christmas with out grandpa
what he's dont I think is sick,
I don't mind him being homo,
but why'd he dress up like a chick?

grandpa got won over by a strange queer
left my gran alone on christmas eve
you may think his fantasy is crazy
but actually, he's out now he's relieved

now his goose is cooked, I'm hoping
and his time is drawing in
I just can't stand his makeup
or that lipstick on his chin

so I told him to leave early,
go and put on Santa's suit,
and climb back into the closet,
so old horse's rear patoot

grandpa got won over by a strange queer
left my gran alone on christmas eve
you may think his fantasy is crazy
but actually, he's out now he's relieved