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Song Parodies -> "Beet-Rich, Bog-Cured, and Bean-Hill Dirt"

Original Song Title:

"Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"

Original Performer:

Ella Fitzgerald

Parody Song Title:

"Beet-Rich, Bog-Cured, and Bean-Hill Dirt"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I'm hoeing and legs are bandy,
But my daisies are awake.
With the hoe I'm pretty handy:
The clouted clods break.
Fences circumvent predation--
Help prevent the minks
From vegetative gustation. . .
Not safe as I thinks

They're wild again, they're riled again,
They quiver and slither from sty and pen.
Beet-rich, bog-cured, and bean-hill dirt have I.

Bleating sheep, entreating sheep
Would like to be my-garden-eating sheep.
Sheep rip, hogs hurt, and beasts pillage my thyme.

There's a hart and I shove it
Out of my beanery.
Here's a goat; I'll kid-glove it.
Why is it here? Beets, me!

A gnu springs in; my gun wings him,
A hog hops in; in a truss I slings him.
Beet-rich, bog-cured, and bean-hill dirt have I.

These beasts drool and they're growing
Cruel and I am alarmed.
Forage love they're showing;
They'll gorge what I've farmed.

Repulsed by the devastation,
I must take a while to think.
Meanwhile, the deforestation's
Making my heart sink.

They're in my plot; they eat my plot;
I've hatched a neat TNT plot.
Sheep rip, hogs hurt, and beasts pillage my vines.

I bring it in; like string so thin,
The fuse that I'll use when I sting their skin.
Sheep rip, hogs hurt, and beasts pillage, but I'm

Ready, the charge is peeking
Up through leaves that are fressed.
Horrid beasts made me piquing:
Adieu, pilfering pests!

Check again the specs again;
Some sod I will send to their next of kin--
Beasts ditched, bog-cured! A beast-niller am I.

Time has past; I light the blast;
I've cut 'em down, it's their last repast.
Beasts nixed; bothered by pillagers no more.

How they'd eat; how they wrecked it.
I think one was a bear.
Chowed my beets, now they've flecked it:
Beasts splattered everywhere.

Those hams, finis,
Shorn lambs, finis,
The rams that invaded my yams, finis.
Beasts ditched; bothered by pillagers no more.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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Royce Miller - June 20, 2006 - Report this comment
I wish the girl who sang this on American Idol had sung this version.
alvin rhodes - June 20, 2006 - Report this comment
HAHAHA...i was listening to some ella when i read this
John Barry - June 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Royce, Alvin.
AFW - June 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Far out and fab-lly funny farm fantasy...555
Rick C - June 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Great job beating the beasts to the beets without missing a beat.

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