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Song Parodies -> "Quiver"

Original Song Title:

"Shivers"

Original Performer:

Ed Sheeran

Parody Song Title:

"Quiver"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "Strawberry Ice Cream" self-challenge. A badass archer brags about his most powerful weapon: his nunchucks! Wait...
You took an arrow to the arse
Through one cheek and straight out the other 'cause
Can only make so many shots
Ooh, yeah, before I'm bored
Could hit you through the heart (ooh-ooh)
But why not nail you to the wall so hard
Head smashes on the rebound? Art
Ooh, yeah, got more in store, mmm, more tricks I wanna try

I wanna hit your eyes, I wanna pierce your thighs
Give you a big ol' smile without a nasty knife
My arm might get tired but not enough to make breaks in my snipes
Yeah, I keep on killin' guys

Ooh, I love it when I shoot you like that
Rarely takes two shots, got a full quiver
Oh, buddy, don't give me that "bloody camper" crap
It's a legitimate damn strategy, it lets me have naps
And I say, ooh, I love it when I shoot you like that
Watch your dead self drop, pull from my quiver
Oh, buddy, I see you stab, flourish is so flash
And gives me a great opportunity to armpit strike, damn

I'm shootin' far
Whether midday or the moonlit dark
Aimin' up 'cause gravity is harsh
Ooh, love to watch it drop
If I miss, hope you get a scar (ooh-ooh-ooh)
Then I've got a target, I've made my mark
And you're still mine, still plan to leave my card
Ooh, on the arrow shaft, mmm, it looks cool as it flies

Do piercing's on the fly, literally, that's right
Your ears, your nose, your eyebrows and then maybe I
If I want your ire, I'll kill you with a Prince Albert, no lie
Yeah, that won't feel very nice

Ooh, I love it when I shoot you like that
Remove some dude's blood thanks to my quiver
Oh, buddy, you seem to lack hearin' worth a damn
If you know archers wanna kill you, train to hear that bow snap
And I say, ooh, I love it when I shoot you like that
Don't know your own luck, pull from my quiver
Oh, buddy, you shouldn't dance when your friends lie flat
You won't get their paycheck for long 'cause I've let go, watch for that

What if I run right out and drain my quiver?
I'm no liar, I worry 'bout that often
Well, for two seconds tops, won't die without my quiver, er, er
Got some daggers strapped on me, near the quiver
If it's dire, ends of the bow are sharpened
But I've packed near a ton of arrows for my quiver
Yeah, don't think I'll end up dry

Ooh, I love it when I shoot you like that
Find where your corpse dropped, restock my quiver
Oh, buddy, then I might snatch any cash you have
And then I'll pose your body awkwardly, no dignity, man (oh, no)
And I say, ooh, I love it when I shoot you like that
Move to the next schmuck, pull from my quiver
Oh, buddy, killin' douchebags mostly in the back
You can say that I have no honour but I don't give a damn, mate

You could say that his enemies should quiver in fear of his quiver. Well, you could...then you'd just be the next targe- *THWOCK!*

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

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