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Song Parodies -> "You Don't Blow Me"

Original Song Title:

"You Don't Know Me"

Original Performer:

Eddy Arnold / Ray Charles

Parody Song Title:

"You Don't Blow Me"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

OS lyrics here. MIDI here -- it starts cold (no intro; first notes are "You give your hand to me"), and before the second bridge, it goes off into never-never land for a couple of minutes, but the melody for the first four verses is good.
(No, you don't blow me)
(No, you don't blow me)

You give your hand to me
And then you lay me down
I'm so excited now
My heart, I hear it pound
And anyone can tell
You think you do it well
But you don't blow me
(No, you don't blow me)

No, you don't blow the one
Who visits you each week
Although I dearly love
The rest of your technique
When our time's at end
Me out the door you send
No, you don't blow me
(No, you don't blow me)

For I never knew the joy of feeling good
Till my friends sent me here to you
Afraid and shy, I held my hopes up high
The hope you'd do me through and through
(through and through)

You wash and cut my hair
It's set and curled just right
A touch of color there
And here, a small highlight
But this is all I get
I leave your shop, hair wet
'Cause you don't blow me

For I never knew how good my hair could look
Till I first got it done by you
But why, oh why, refuse you to blow-dry?
I leave; it's still damp from shampoo
(from shampoo)

Oh, although it breaks my heart
I'll go to someone new
I'll find hairdresser who
Will do what you won't do
Oh, wet hair is getting old
I almost caught a cold
'Cause you don't blow me
(You won't blow me)
(You don't blow me)

Indecency, like beauty, is in the eye (and mind) of the beholder. © 2007 Tommy Turtle.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   13

User Comments

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Michael E Cormier - January 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Kinda pushing the boundaries, but you never know where the line is drawn until you cross it. Good work. 555
alvin rhodes - January 24, 2007 - Report this comment
love the dry humor
Michael Pacholek - January 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Here's five more envelopes for you to push. Wait a second, since when do turtles have hair?
Ravyn Rant - January 24, 2007 - Report this comment
I didn't see it coming! Good job. 555
PMS - January 24, 2007 - Report this comment
V-O (Very Original) 5. Head and Shoulders above the rest!
AFW - January 24, 2007 - Report this comment
This blew me away...555
Adagio - January 24, 2007 - Report this comment
The only thing about this parody that would have me blushing is the heat from the hair dryer. Nice trick!
Tommy Turtle - January 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Michael E. Cormier, thanks... hey, this was totally innocent!... alvin (lol) thanks, good one... Michael Pacholek, thanks... must be a work of fiction???... Ravyn Rant, thanks :) ... PMS, lemme Clairol doubt: I was gonna Fructis whole thing, but your comment gave me two good laughs... thanks :)... Adagio, thanks; glad you enjoyed turning this trick ;-)
Yoidy - January 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Good hooverin twist there! 555
Red Ant - January 24, 2007 - Report this comment
I'll have to pass this parody along to my mother: she is a hairdresser and will probably get a kick out of it, as I did.
TT - January 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Yoidy, (lol) thanks... Red Ant, thanks -- let me know :)
Agrimorfee - January 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Your hairdresser doesn't blow, and neither does this parody.
TT - January 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks, Agrimorfee.
Peter Andersson - August 25, 2007 - Report this comment
She doesn't blow, and that sure sucks!
TT - August 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Peter, thanks for v/c!
Stan Hall - November 29, 2008 - Report this comment
A twist even Chubby Checker couldn't match. :-) What's most interesting/amusing of all, given what I'd bet most readers imagine is going on before, so to speak the entendre is doubled, is that it limboed under the censorial stick. A similarly twisty one I submitted a couple days ago didn't, and it remains to be seen whether a bowdlerized resubmission does. As both versons were considerably tamer than many parodies I've read here, I was again, blown away by the unpredicatbility of it all. :-)
Tommy Turtle - December 01, 2008 - Report this comment
Stan Hall, thanks.... I'll share a secret: The night I submitted this parody, I also sent a "heads-up" (ouch!!!) e-mail to CensorGuy (catch the initials?), letting him know to expect it, but that it was a trick on the reader and not lewd as it would appear on first glance. No reply, but it got posted, which was all the reply I needed. Can't guarantee that would work in any other case, but "forewarned is foreplay - I mean, "forearmed".

BTW, Red Ant once told me that the problem is that if this gets tagged as an "adult* site, the mainstream advertisers go away, and there goes the site. That would make for some pretty tough calls on the part of the site admin -- how to get the most songs and the most laughs without getting the dreaded "pawrn" label. In fact, I wrote a couple of songs about that very issue....
and a Broadway smash musical:
Stan - December 02, 2008 - Report this comment
Tommy -- Thanks for good tip. I do understand the motivation underlying a certain degree of censorship . What drives me nuts is the unpredictability of what triggers it (tho' since it is after all CG's site, I shruggingly accept what sometimes seem arbitrary guillotinings). As it turns out, the bowdlerized verson was flushed as well. Oh well ... maybe resubmission with a (pr)email heads-up sometime down the road.
BR>I'll check out your issue-relevant songs ASAP. I've a censorship-themed MG parody-in-progress whose completion I seem to approach only stepwise when nudged along by its topic's occasional sting.
Tommy Turtle - December 03, 2008 - Report this comment
Stan -- Would you care to email them to me? I hate putting an address on the web where spambots get them, so in my more recent songs, there's a Captcha link by my sig that will give the address. You can find the link, for example, at (Sneaky plug, huh?
alvin rhodes commented on one of my censorship songs that he had a doozy that he couldn't get posted. He sent it to me. I didn't tweak it, but it inspired a similar concept, for me, which *did* get through, to a lot of readers' apparent surprise (probably yours, too). I offered alvin credit or co-credit, but he's too nice a guy -- wouldn't take either. Anyway, I wouldn't be trying to do that here, just apply my knowledge as the acknowledged leading edge-pusher ( or -crosser) to help yours get through. Oh, and what alvin's inspiration brought was: The rest of the week looks as bad as yesterday, so I might be MIA a bit, but would love to see your feelthy song, and will read your others as time permits. Looking forward to it -- TT.
TJC - February 02, 2011 - Report this comment
Again, I find another I seemed to have missed first time around- Jolly good stuff , Mate!>BR>
Come all ye young spoofers that follow the T
To him weigh hey throw 'im renown
And pray pay attention to his parodies
Give him more fives to flow the renown!
Tommy Turtle - February 02, 2011 - Report this comment
TJC: Yer comment/spoof of ye old Irish song blew me away! Thanks for not leaving this one "blowin' in the wind", so to speak. ... Now, if only we got paid for these parodies, we'd have money to blow -- or to get (n/m!) ... Thanks for blowin' by!

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