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Song Parodies -> "Snatches"

Original Song Title:

"Patches"

Original Performer:

Dickey Lee

Parody Song Title:

"Snatches"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Spin-off of yesterday's Microsoft® "Patches". Tear-jerker OS lyrics here.

Delaware river, that runs by old Hopewell
Trans-solo flyer called this his hometown
There, Lindberg baby, the kidnapper snatches [1]
Snatches for ransom; convicted, put down

I'm not Bonds, Barry, of baseball; what bummer!
Thought had a hit; shortstop snatches mid-glide
Double-plays me, and my teammates a-crappin'
Touch bag with toe, and no runs for our side

'S Natchez, a language; tribe, too
Parkway: connects to Fairview
Mississippi boats race: steamer, New Orleans-based
A town in two other states, too [2]

Each night I cry as I think of her panty
And how much fun it was pulling it down
Then, father runs in and snatches my collar
Snatches and chokes, and says, "You'd best leave town"

I fear hard labor; goof-off I'd rather
So, work in snatch-es, when Boss is around
Slow the pace down absent hemorrhoid-giver
Old goat-guy, what blowhard! That brain-scanty clown!

Snatches, how much can I do?
Floor, heave; a hundred or two
Lift over my head without pausing a shred
Snatches; the "clean and jerk", too [3]



[1] First trans-Atlantic solo flyer, Charles Lindberg, had his 20-month-old baby kidnapped on March 1, 1932, from his estate near Hopewell, New Jersey. Lindberg paid the ransom -- always a mistake -- but the baby was found dead a few months later. Bruno Hauptman was convicted and electrocuted, and the case caused kidnapping for ransom, which previously was "only" a State crime, to become a Federal offense as well.

[2] "(It')s Natchez": A Native American tribe and their language, once occupying the site of the present city of that name in the state of Mississippi. The Natchez Trace Parkway is a road from said Natchez, Mississippi, to Fairview, Tennessee, following an ancient bison migration trail. The S.S. Natchez is the ninth steamboat of that name, offering dinner cruises on the Mississippi River. There are also towns named Natchez in Indiana and Louisiana.

[3] Olympic weightlifting events: "Clean and jerk" = lift bar from floor to shoulders, pause, squat a bit, then thrust up with legs and arms at the same time to lock the bar overhead. (In his younger days, the Turtle could put more than his own bodyweight overhead in this fashion, although admittedly that's not a very far distance for a turtle.) "Snatch" = lift from the floor to the same overhead position in one smooth motion, without the pause at the shoulders. Snatching is much more difficult than jerking.

Don't jump to conclusions. © 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail: tomm...@yahoo.com

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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 5   7
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Mark Scotti - May 13, 2009 - Report this comment
"Snatched' fives from me, for the many uses!!
alvin - May 13, 2009 - Report this comment
wonderful bits of rhyming and double meanings
AFW - May 13, 2009 - Report this comment
Tricky use of the word, snatch
John Barry - May 13, 2009 - Report this comment
Erudite, as always. Especially liked the Natchez verse.
Andy Primus - May 13, 2009 - Report this comment
What Alvin said
Somewhat Guarded Privates - May 13, 2009 - Report this comment
Beavage everywhere is undoubtedly jealous of these snatches of your literary entendreign, TT!
Tommy Turtle - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Mark Scotti: Thank-s,natch-erly!
alvin: thanks, and thank you.
AFW: Yes, TT is an expert on "snatch" -- uh, linguistically, that is -- oh, no, still in trouble here... uh. how 'bout just "thanks".
John Barry: No eruditer writer than thee, so thanks, and glad ya found striking Natchez enlightening (hehe). .... thanks, John.
Andy Primus: thanks.
Somewhat Guarded Privates: Is that the famous Beavage Cleavage? Well, Leave It To Beavage to come up with a clever comment! Thanks, SGP!

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