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Song Parodies -> "Norma Jeane (50th Anniversary of Death of Marilyn Monroe)"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Chuck Berry

Parody Song Title:

"Norma Jeane (50th Anniversary of Death of Marilyn Monroe)"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Originally posted on August 25, 2009, missing the anniversary of the sad event. It was posted without any subtitle at that time, in the hope that many readers would know the title switch-match's reference to her birth name of Norma Jeane Mortenson, or at least read and discover it. Not all that many did. :(

So the fiftieth anniversary is an appropriate occasion to re-tribute, and this time, with a bright neon sign in the title ;-D, ... and with a bit more of the surprisingly-solid conspiracy evidence here, saving the trip to Wikipedia -- unless the tidbits are enough to stir interest. (And wow, did she stir my, uh, "interest"! xD)

Norma Jeane, as older I grew
Oh Norma Jeane, with stirrings so new
You're helpin' this teenage boy start to get a clue

As I was adolescin', growin' up still
I snuck magazines from my Daddy's till
A pin-up pic unfoldin' from the centerfold
Feelin' I'd dug up a pot of gold
A staple in navel, a "Great Divide" [1]
From "bumper" to "bumper", starin' googly-eyed

Norma Jeane, I'm stickin' like glue
Oh Norma Jeane, I view and re-view
You started me doing those things, was so into

Pink in the picture on top of the "hill"
It's such fun wallowin' in a masculine thrill
First thing I saw, that feminine frill
Do it again and again, never quite getting my fill
Lovely curve, reclining, stretch
She with that "hourglass", toe to neck

Norma Jeane, made Playboy's™ debut [2]
Oh Norma Jeane, by posing for Hugh
You broke the bar, doing those things they called taboo

Her movies, they gave me a Seven-Year Itch [3]
Some Like It Hot, how I would start to twitch
I like brunettes, but Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
Still tooted my horn, and it still responds
The sub-way grate blowin' skirt over her head
With poor Joe DiMaggio turnin' red [4]

Norma Jeane, what happened to you?
Oh, Norma Jeane, it cannot be true
You've left us all missing you, feeling oh so blue

Her health, it declined; in drink, she'd drown
Helped wash those prescription drugs right down
Poor Norma Jeane a-lying like a sack of lead
The coroner said, an overdose, and she's dead
Both Kennedys playin' so innocent, still
Always thought, Norma Jeane, did they slip you a pill? [5]

Norma Jeane, we bid you adieu
Oh Norma Jeane, we're saying, "thank you"
Here's Tommy T.'s parody praise, long overdue

[1] Old joke from that era: "I was 22 before I learned that women didn't all have staples in their navels".

[2] Center picture in the very first issue, although it didn't fold out, and called "Sweetheart" rather than "Bunny™"; also appeared on the cover, the only cover that didn't feature the Bunny logo, or even a date, as Hugh Hefner wasn't sure there would be a second issue. Norma Jeane made sure that there would be :)

[3] They still play these movies even today, you know. TT is waaay too young to have seen them when they were first released, OK?

[4] Director Billy Wilder deliberately created a media circus by refilming the shot (on a public street in New York City) many more times than was necessary, as crowds gathered and gawked, and the paparrazi had a field day. Apparently, her husband wasn't too happy about it; they quarreled afterward, separated, and two months later, they were divorced. ... Pardon me for asking, but did he think he was marrying a librarian, or what? D'oh...

[5] (Links to the full texts in the outro)

The CBS "48 Hours" investigation:

"In April 2006, CBS's 48 Hours .... gained access to audio tapes of interviews conducted by the Los Angeles District Attorney's office in 1982.

"According to Summers' sources, Monroe attended social events at actor Peter Lawford's beach home in Santa Monica, California, in the months before her death that also included President John F. Kennedy and Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy. The 48 Hours report quoted a former Secret Service agent as stating that it was "common knowledge" among his colleagues that there was an affair between Monroe and John Kennedy. Rumors of a relationship with Robert Kennedy were not confirmed."

The release of FBI files in 2006:

"In October 2006, under the FOI [Freedom of Information -- TT] act, the FBI released thousands of pages of previously classified documents. In early 2007, writer Philippe Mora discovered a three page report among the papers titled Robert F. Kennedy that discussed Monroe's death. This report has since been included in the FBI index under Marilyn Monroe.

"Written by a former FBI agent (name is redacted from the report) ... it details Robert Kennedy's affair with the movie star and claims that Kennedy had promised Monroe he would divorce his wife and marry her, but after the actress realised he had no intention of doing so, she made threats to make the affair public. The report claims that to silence Monroe, who had a history of staging publicity-seeking fake suicide attempts, she was deliberately encouraged to do so again but was this time allowed to die. The report implicates Robert Kennedy, Peter Lawford, her psychiatrist Ralph Greenson, her housekeeper Eunice Murray, and her secretary and press agent, Pat Newcomb, in the plot. The report is prefaced with a statement noting that author of the report did not know the source and could not evaluate the authenticity of the information.

Hmmm.... agent's name redacted? Her long-distance phone call records mysteriously vanishing, along with her internal organs after an autopsy that was much less complete than ordered? (Her stomach showed no effects, nor residuals, of ingesting the barbiturates that were said to be the cause of her "PROBABLE suicide", per the coroner's official report). Lots of other stuff mysteriously missing and witnesses' stories changing repeatedly? Even the estimated time and date of death were changed from the undertaker's first (well-reasoned) estimate, from late night on August 4th to early morning August 5th.

"5:40 a.m.: Undertaker Guy Hockett arrives and notes that the state of rigor mortis indicates a time of death between 9:30 and 11:30 p.m. The time is later altered to match the witness statements.

" 6 a.m.: (Her housekeeper) Murray changes her story and now says she went back to bed at midnight and only called Dr. Greenson when she awoke at 3 a.m. and noticed the light still on. Both doctors also change their stories and now claim Monroe died around 3:50 a.m. Police note Murray appears quite evasive and extremely vague and she would eventually change her story several times. Despite being a key witness, Murray travels to Europe and is not questioned again."

Also, Monroe was reported to have been found face-down, but the lividity of rigor mortis ("liver mortis") indicates clearly that she way lying on her back when she died. Much more such stuff in the article linked in the outro.

""(Writer) Mora admits he is not sure what to make of the file."

TT knows exactly what to make of it, and so did Jack Clemmons, the first LAPD officer to arrive at the death scene, who believed that she was murdered. Read the full article (first link in the outro) and decide for yourself.

Oh, and (cough) the Kennedys have a well-known history (cough) of silencing women who could prove to be an embarrassment (cough) to themselves and their careers. (cough) Three for three -- all three of the brothers, apparently.

.... also, a chance to correct the date of death from the earlier version -- oops. ;)
Lucky for TT that August 4th and 5th fell on the weekend this year, so that the posting on Friday covers both alleged dates of death. (If they had been, say, Tuesday and Wednesday, how to decide which is the "anniversary"? ;)

Main Wikipedia article on the conspiracy theories of her death.

CBS "48 Hours" excerpts.

FBI 2006 file release excerpts.

© 2009-2012 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Pacing: 4.9
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Total Votes: 14

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Callmelennie - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
You have absolutely redefined the meaning of "Amiright Song Parody Submission", Mr Turtle. I bow down to to your greatness
Meriadoc - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
TT! It is so great to see you back. Excellent footnotes, as always... ;)
Lorelei Lee - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
A fine tribute, with interesting fooTTnotes. Perhaps I should amend the lyrics of my famous song to read "Turtles are a girl's best friend." In any case, it's always nice to be remembered.

( As it happens, there is a new biography out which covers the last two years of Marilyn's life. This biographer attempts to make the case that her death was, in fact, accidental, and her much-touted "affair" with JFK nothing more than a one-night stand. That being said, the pressure from the Kennedy clan- RFK in particular- is certain.)
2Eagle - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
I missed you - but whew! Maybe I can think of a similar song about Alexander Godunov - that blond adonis who suddenly died at the age of 45. Was it alcohol or the Russian mafia?
Old Man Ribber - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Ah, sweet nostalgia! It's all here...the flawless execution, the well-chosen topic, the extensive footnotes...and now a trivial nugget from OMR. Marilyn's last completed movie "The Misfits" was also the final film for Clark Gable and Montgomery Clift. ;D
Barry J. Mitchel - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Welcome back! Now we know where the "TT" moniker originated. ;^D
I've parodied her "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" four times for Barack Obama; didn't know that she died on his first birthday. Thanks for the info.
Porfle Popnecker - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Longtime MM fan here. Great work.
John Jenkins - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Very good parody, particularly the verse with the movie titles, and provocative footnotes.
Peregrin - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Good work here, Tommy. This bit: "the FOI [Freedom of Information -- TT] act". Are we to assume that there is a clause in the act named after your good self?
Tommy Turtle - August 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Callmelennie: You are too, too kind, Sir. (But don't stop! -- j/k ;) Thanks for the v/c.

Meriadoc: Back atcha! -- and already looking forward to reading the yocks-idized parody that you wrote "ferrous". (bows head in shame at atrocious pun -- skills have gotten a bit rusty, so to speak. ;) Glad you were heare today, and sorry for the late replies -- seems there's some sort of to-do in London that's keeping us glued to the telly quite late. Thanks for v/c and warm welcome!

Lorelei Lee: Are you the female pro wrestler, or the p*rn star? (rechecks Wikipedia -- oh, *that* LL. ;) ...."nothing more than a one-night stand.... “ Oh, then the adultery is OK -- from a Catholic POTUS with a glamorous wife and even more glamorous image? Wonder how Jackie would feel if she knew that her hubby, indeed, “Came-a-lot”? Or if the public would have lost their hero-worship? .. all good motivations to silence MM. ANY-way, thanks for v/c!

2Eagle: It’s nice to be missed, and even nicer to be Misty (May-Treanor) -- thanks. Interesting concept you have there, but it might be a tougher sell, given that the USSR collapsed four years before his death, and why wait 16 years after his defection to whack him? But if you have the evidence, go for it! Thanks for v/c.

Old Man Ribber: ... and the nostalgia of OMR’s special brand of comments. Thanks!

Barry J. Mitchel: (again, thanks for the welcome, and LOL @ tee-tee ;) But was his birthday on August 4th or August 5th? Or did they switch the date of his birth when they switched the date of her death? And was it in Hawaii, Kenya, or -- n/m, thanks for v/c!

Porfle Popnecker: Who isn’t? ;-D     Thanks for the v/c.

John Jenkins: Thank you for the v/c, and glad you found the footnotes as provocative as TT found the subject of the parody. :)

Peregrin: Of course! xD       TT has heard rumors that some members of this site are not natives of the USA, and so the acronym in the source was expanded for the benefit of any such. ;) Editorially, the brackets and initials were to indicate that this material was added by Your Humble Servant to the source quoted, as one might use [Blah, blah -- ed.] to indicate an addition by the editor to someone else’s work. Thanks for v/c.
Peregrin - August 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Lol, I'm a public servant, i know ALL about FOI...
Brock O'Brahma - August 04, 2012 - Report this comment
I've been commenting mostly on political parodies, and your 50th anniversary submmission has a TreasureTrove of TantalizingTreachery! Thanks for the links and footnotes to go with an awesome parody. Have you seen "My Week With Marilyn"? I thought Michelle Williams really captured the essence of MM.
Patrick - August 04, 2012 - Report this comment
The first issue of Playboy was published right around the time I was being born. (November 1953). Ayn Rand wrote a tribute to Monroe shortly after her death. I've seen some of her films. Madonna and Lady Ga Ga are just pale imitations.
Tommy Turtle - August 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Peregrin: But perhaps not everyone does... I can never quite keep straight exactly where you and Merry each reside at any given moment, but didn't think either was US-based. DK whether they had the same legislation elsewhere, or whether the same acronym applied. Took no chances. ; )

Brock O'Brahma : Wow, have you come to the right place! Click Tommy's name-link in the Author box at the top, and there are tons of political parodies mixed in with bofffing sheep (from the sublime to the ridiculous), and click the three links in Footnote [5] for Fiddlegirl/TT trashing of Teddy Kennedy while everyone else was eulogizing this alcoholic philandering murderer. (Technically, "manslaughterer" -- or "womanslaughterer? .)
      From those, click the Fiddlegirl/Tommy Turtle link in the author name to see our jointly-authored ones. Fewer in total, but a much higher percentage of them are political, since FG isn't quite so fond as TT of boffing sheep. ;)
      Didn't see MWWM, but I'd rather that MM had captured my "essence", if you get my drift.... ;) Thanks for the read/vote/comment. Hope to see you at others.
      ( assume "Brahma' refers to "bull-"? ;-D

Patrick: MM never wore a dress made entirely of meat, did she? Madonna and LGG together aren't fit to give Marilyn a pedicure. Stunts instead of acting and true charisma. Sad. Thanks for v/c.
Andy Primus - August 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Great tribute, OS & subs (& use of some existing words). Didn’t know about Playboy. My introduction to her was Some Like It Hot when I was an adolescent. Film blew me away - imagined that she had too.
ALL: TCM is running an MM marathon as we speak - August 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Turner Classic Movies is running Monroe's movies back-to-back, for I don't know how long. Wouldn't be surprised if it was all all night, and possibly again on Sunday, esp., given the dispute over the date (time) of death. Very suitable (and how else does one compete with the Olympics for viewers?) Props to TCM. - TT

(no, Peregrin, TT is not part of TCM - he wishes! -- just another method of ID, since commenter's name wasn't actually in the "Name'". field.. :) ;) ;)
Tommy Turtle - August 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Andy Primus: DK how popular she was in UK. Actually, she had posed for an independent photog, who later sold the pics to Hef for his first issue. But it brought great publicity to both her and Hefner. Thanks for v/c.
TJC - August 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Another beautiful, busty bombshell of a parody... loved all the info, and equally, how lexpertly it was presented. [excerpted fr Lex Reed re: Some Like it Paced]
Tommy Turtle - August 06, 2012 - Report this comment
TJC: Glad this wasn't a bust for you!
Too bad it wasn't a bust *for you*, heh!
    As for parody material, "Tom Likes It Hot!" .. and always, "Bum likes it Fived"! Thanks for the read/v/c!
lifeliver - August 27, 2012 - Report this comment
Nice OS match again here, TT, and great comprehensive footnotes - that probably helped you get away with it.. Explicit sexual references are forbidden here but only between parties? Still, there's no blow-by-blow (mercifully). I was just waking up as Marilyn was going to sleep, so she was always a bit retro for me in that way. Big fan of her movies though.
Tommy Turtle - August 27, 2012 - Report this comment
lifeliver: Explicit obscenities and descriptions worthy of a pawrn film are forbidden here. I didn't think that there were any in this parody. Discussing history, current events, or reasonable speculation about possible affairs, done without obscenity, is OK. So is double-entendre, if done well, because then it's the reader's mind that chooses to make the racy choice.

Short version: avoid explicitly foul language (or at least asterisk it out, if it *must* be there), be "creative" in references to same (I like medical Latin as well as colloquialisms), and stay within generally accepted standards of decency, such as they are these days, what with 12-yr-olds posting on the Web uncensored.

Thanks for the v/c. (Vote/comment.)

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