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Song Parodies -> "Norma Jeane"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Chuck Berry

Parody Song Title:

"Norma Jeane"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

DANG IT! For three years, been meaning to post this on August 2nd. Missed it AGAIN! ... Not taking any chances on next year -- better late than never ...... (OS often misspelled "Maybelline". That is a *brand of cosmetics*, please!)

Norma Jeane, as older I grew
Oh Norma Jeane, with stirrings so new
You're helpin' this teenage boy start to get a clue

As I was adolescin', growin' up still
I snuck magazines from my Daddy's till
A pin-up pic unfoldin' from the centerfold
Feelin' I'd dug up a pot of gold
A staple in navel, a "Great Divide" [1]
From "bumper" to "bumper", starin' googly-eyed

Norma Jeane, I'm stickin' like glue
Oh Norma Jeane, I view and re-view
You started me doing those things, was so into

Pink in the picture on top of the "hill"
It's such fun wallowin' in a masculine thrill
First thing I saw, that feminine frill
Do it again and again, never quite getting my fill
Lovely curve, reclining, stretch
She with that "hourglass", toe to neck

Norma Jeane, made Playboy's™ debut [2]
Oh Norma Jeane, by posing for Hugh
You broke the bar, doing those things they called taboo

Her movies, they gave me a Seven-Year Itch [3]
Some Like It Hot, how I would start to twitch
I like brunettes, but Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
Still tooted my horn, and it still responds
The sub-way grate blowin' skirt over her head
With poor Joe DiMaggio turnin' red [4]

Norma Jeane, what happened to you?
Oh, Norma Jeane, it cannot be true
You've left us all missing you, feeling oh so blue

Her health, it declined; in drink, she'd drown
Helped wash those prescription drugs right down
Poor Norma Jeane a-lying like a sack of lead
The coroner said, an overdose, and she's dead
Both Kennedys playin' so innocent, still
Always thought, Norma Jeane, did they slip you a pill? [5]

Norma Jeane, we bid you adieu
Oh Norma Jeane, we're saying, "thank you"
Here's Tommy T.'s parody praise, long overdue

[1] Old joke from that era: "I was 22 before I learned that women didn't all have staples in their navels".

[2] Center picture in the very first issue, although it didn't fold out, and called "Sweetheart" rather than "Bunny™"; also appeared on the cover, the only cover that didn't feature the Bunny logo, or even a date, as Hugh Hefner wasn't sure there would be a second issue. Norma Jeane made sure that there would be :)

[3] They still play these movies even today, you know. TT is waaay too young to have seen them when they were first released, OK?

[4] Director Billy Wilder deliberately created a media circus by refilming the shot (on a public street in New York City) many more times than was necessary, as crowds gathered and gawked, and the paparrazi had a field day. Apparently, her husband wasn't too happy about it; they quarreled afterward, separated, and two months later, they were divorced. ... Pardon me for asking, but did he think he was marrying a librarian, or what? D'oh...

[5] Did she have an affair with JFK and want to marry him? When he was forced to break it off for fear of harming both his marriage and his image, did Bobby (RFK) fill the void for a while? Did they silence her permanently for fear of the truth coming out? We'll never know, but my gut says yes to all.

TT's tribute to Norma Jeane Baker, nee Norma Jeane Mortenson, who passed away August 2, 1962. Official cause of death: "acute barbiturate poisoning," resulting from a "probable suicide". "Probable"? So, you're not so sure? So, it could have been homicide, eh?

© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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McCoy - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
She's dead Jim!
The Dead Kennedy's - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
You'll never know now - since we are all now gone as of last night.
littleCUPcakes - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
~MM~ guides you from above, Sir .
Mark Scotti - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
I just heard on the news today that some idiot paid $1,000,000.00 to be laid to rest above her!! or was it $555,000??? LOL
Old Man Ribber - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Three 5s to ratify your "Monroe Doctrine" ;D
Tommy Turtle - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
McCoy: Wave your magic medical wand over her and revive her.

The Dead Kennedy's (sic) Like vehicular-homicide Teddy would've ever told...
"The mills of the gods grind slowly, but they grind small.' (i. e., finely). -- attributed to Sextus Empiricus, c. e. 160-210, and paraphrased by Longfellow,

"Though the mills of God grind slowly, yet they grind exceeding small;
Though with patience he stands waiting, with exactness grinds he all."

. I doubt the Kopechne family is in mourning. Thanks for v/c.

littleCupCakes: How sweet! Thank you, lCC! :)

Mark Scotti: Before or after her demise? (lol). Thanks for the thousand votes! :)

Old Man Ribber: Another good one! You're on a comment roll, today. Thanks, OMR's exactly what James Monroe had in mind, I'm sure :)
Fiddlegirl - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
"Happy Birthday, Mr. President"...3 shots of Chanel 5
Guy - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
TT - Yeah portraits of "dead presidents" if you have enough of them can charm almost any M.E. into taking shorthand dictation for the autopsy report. Everyone has their price - with way darn few exceptions. I like all the added info you put on this. The parody is entertaining and the info interesting. I have three paper portraits of a "dead president" for this parody write. It would be the 16TH POTUS.
John Barry - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Berry good, TT.
metaphorsbwithu - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Some rough pacing here and there, I think, but very enjoyable. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes ... and so do I -and redheads, brunettes, whatever ... but I'd have walked a mile through an Asphalt Jungle to the Bus Stop for a chance to see Marilyn. Some (of us) Like It Hot. She's just a memory now? Well ... nobody's perfect.
Tommy Turtle - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
FFiddlegirl: Bet it was happier than we'll ever know wink wink nudge nudge :)

Guy: Hey, they bought off the Kopechnes and the William Kennedy Smith victim too, right? Glad you liked the info, although this time, I didn't bother Lincoln 'em. Thanks for the dead presidents. If only there were some way to knock some sense into the live ones...

John Berry: TT Chuck-les at your comment!

metaphorsbwithu: If you either listen to TOS or read the lyrics, it just isn't definite enough to nail the pacing, as Berry himself elides (slurs) a lot, doesn't enunciate well, and there are a lot of "-a's" in words. Rough song to pace -- did the best I could, and it read OK to moi, at least. No sense bothering discussing line-by-line, as there's too much room for interpretation. Appreciate and understand the comment, and not arguing. It's a song I've avoided for exactly that reason, but a title switch I've wanted to do for a long time. The title switch and concept won out. :)

Yep, she's just mammaries now....
TJC - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Very creative premium pro'duction here with lotsa clever phrasing and lexual T'lusions... and I found your footnotes particularly intriguing... hadn't heard the 'they hadda silence her' theory before...
TT - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
TJC: It's been around almost from the start -- check out WPedia on "Death of Marilyn Monroe" -- there are just too many holes in the official story, and lots of evidence supporting the affair. Glad for once *someone* found fooTnoTes interesting lol! Thanks for v/c!

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