Woe, holey knight, your armor's brightly shining,
You didn't quite get all your money's worth.
You're like Swiss cheese, and now you are reclining
In a mixture of horse dung and wet earth.

You're filled with holes; you had two clear-cut choices:
Get custom-made or something cheap and foreign.
You should have heeded your wise tailors' voices:
"Oh, knight, go high; low-cost knight armor's shorn.
"Oh, knight, go high; low-cost knight armor's shorn."

You didn't listen and said you were leaning
To buying cheap mail from some sweatshop land.
Next thing you knew, you found you were careening
Off your horse and landing flat on your can.

You thought you couldn't be in any danger;
You're always falling off your equine friend.
But when you moved, you started feeling stranger.
You looked down and you observed a reddish blend.
You looked down and you observed a reddish blend.

One joust today; you cannot fight another.
Of your torso, you find a flapping piece.
Now you know what it's like to be blood brother'
The lance went right through in the armor's crease.

They use block and tackle to slowly raise thee,
If you don't die, for a long time you'll ail.
Your tailors say, "Sirrah, you do amaze me!
When getting your armor, never buy retail!
When getting you armor, never buy retail!"