On the information highway, powered by AOL
There's an electronic window opened to the gates of hell
It's the Instant Message feature that has me in its spell...
Cuz my fingers just start typing, the way they always do
Searching for any young girls, logged into this chat-room
And perhaps if I get lucky, arrange a secret rendezvous...

SO here I am, on the prowl again
There I am, setting the stage
Here I go, my words have sucked her in
There I go... she's underage

Well I just logged in to her website, she's the prettiest thing I've seen
In the chat room she goes by the screen name: PYT14
But once you get to know her, she's actually a bit pre-teen...
Most times I don't go this far, the talk is quite enough
But when you have so much in common it makes it really tough
Cuz we both like sparkly things, the color pink and Hilary Duff...

And here I am, chatting her up again
Here I am, hormones enraged
There I go, we've agreed on a meeting place
There I go... she's underage

Well she lives just two towns over, ninety-seven miles away,
So I called in sick at work and I left early in the day
And I can't believe I'm finally pulling into her driveway...
So I walk up to the door... and give the bell a ring
Suddenly a platoon of men are all surrounding me
It's a SWAT team and Stone Phillips, from Dateline NBC!!!

Now here I am, lyin' on my chin,
Here I am, target's engaged
Here I go, the cuffs are tightenin'
There I go... she was underage
Yeah here I am! In the State Pen!
Here I am! Locked in a cage!
There I go, now I'm Bubba's friend...
There I go... There I go.....