Whiplash, I got into a crash,
A DUI hit me last night.
The drunk schlub had too much to drink at the pub,
So he couldn't see my taillights.
Well I heard a big thud as he smashed in the door;
He'd wrapped my van around his Trans-Am
I heard drunken snore--sleeping guy.
Whiplashed, f*cked up my neck and back.
I'll call my lawyer, go whole-hog ex parte* on this slob.

He'd been a-whippin' and a-lashin',
Veerin' with his steerin',
Cruisin' after boozin',
Rocky on the road 'n'--smash!

Bing, bang, I'd heard the big clang;
He was drunk and probably on drugs, yeah.
Flipped top on cell phone and called cops;
They came and took away this thug.
I told the lawyers, cops, "I'll for plenty sue."
They said, "Go over the top; we wouldn't stop you."
Swelled neck from whiplash, I am gonna get his cash,
Just as soon as I get this cast off, yeah!

I'll be rollin' in dough he's dolin',
Squealin' for new wheels 'n'
Choosin' some new shoes 'n'
Whistlin' and a-laughin', yeah!

I will be siftin' through his cash 'n'
I will be rollin' in his dolin',
I will be cruisin' with his Susan,
She'll be divorcin' him, of course 'n'
We'll be pre-nuppin' 'fore we're shtuppin',
We'll be a-polin' and a-holin',
Then she'll be whippin' and a-lashing,
She's dominatin'; I'm abasin'
We'll be a-flayin' and role-playin'
And then reversin' our rehearsin'.

Then we'll be rollin' and Stolyin',
Cruisin' and a-boozin'. . .whiplash. Damn!


*ex parte: from one side only in a legal proceeding