Would you like to drink in the bar
Have a pint or two in a jar
Then a whisky with your cigar
Or would you rather be a newt?

A newt is an animal that drinks through his skin
'Cause that's how the oxygen gets in
If I could do that, well, the answer's plain
I'd spend all day bathing in champagne
But if you think drinking Babycham is cute
You may well end up "as the newt"

Would you like to drink in the bar
Have a pint or two in a jar
As your behaviour gets more bizarre
Or would you rather be a fish?

A fish is an animal that drinks all the day
He smells with a terrible bouquet
Though he don't have beer and he don't have gin
His mouth just opens and the drink pours in
And by the way, if to drink is all you wish
You may well - Hell! - smell like a fish

Would you like to drink in the bar
Have a pint or two in a jar
While you sing and play your guitar
Or would you rather be a rat?

A rat is an animal we look at aghast
He always is totally rat-arsed
His drinking habits are beyond belief
Forcing bottles open with his teeth
And if you also carry on like that
You may grow up to be a rat

Behave like monkeys down at the zoo
Closing time, when we've had a few
Fissed as parts, we stagger and spew
Tomorrow, we'll feel under par
We've all been drinking in the bar, oh yeah
We've all been drinking in the bar