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Song Parodies -> "Pair For My Hand"

Original Song Title:

"Therefore I Am"

Original Performer:

Billie Eilish

Parody Song Title:

"Pair For My Hand"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Part of my "Strawberry Ice Cream" self-challenge. The perils of playing poker poorly. P-word.
At my wit's end, my luck's gone to crap
It's not too much to ask for a pair for my hand
Tonight can't end with me losin' cash
Why can't the dealer grant a damn pair for my hand?

Fold? Ain't no way that that's how I'll go down, haha
I'll keep in the game until I'm out
Then I'll just replay 'til my debt's down
Just want one more five, not a nine in the next deal
My plan won't work if you jerk me, I feel, ha
Just isn't ideal
Sure, it's less fun for those who end up with less
But I'm the protagonist for now, so

At my wit's end 'cause my cards are crap
All that I wanna have is a pair for my hand
Can't let this end all incomplete, damn
Come on, dealer, just pass me a pair for my hand

Royal flush is way outta range, I don't have the stuff for a nice straight line
I don't see a full house, but I'm on a bluff that can't fall, so my
Arsenal, arsenal, arsenal's more held in the brain, psychological (fold, you bastards)
Little screwed, little screwed, little screwed if I make my play and there's jack to use
Can't have jack-all but a win with the lowest
Will make 'em all super pissed, spittin' foam

Can't reach that end with this crap I have
Don't want these mice and rats, want a pair for my hand
Fault's on my end for this stupid plan
But it still makes me mad, need a pair for my hand

Not sorry, ha
For my plan to wreck your game
Not sorry
Told you that I hate this game

Will we stay friends? Don't care if I crash
And fail to win your grands (well, sorta, not that high) with one pair in my hand (my hand)
Sure we'll be friends (friends), know you'll love the plan (you'll love it)
Pay you back for your crap with one pair in my hand

Well that went places I wasn't expecting. Kinda like Billie Eilish, really.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   1
 5   13

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