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Song Parodies -> "Retort or Fight Me"

Original Song Title:

"Distorted Light Beam"

Original Performer:

Bastille

Parody Song Title:

"Retort or Fight Me"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

A lot of trolls seem to want one of two things: a debate or a fight. How's about neither?
Encountered a putz, a too-online twit
"Retort or fight me", he doesn't like me
Two options put up, not actin' real nice
And it's sure seemin' that he wants choice B
No-one likes (no-one likes) the kinda guy (kinda guy)
Who is this vicious, ooh-whoa-oh, ooh-whoa-oh
I'm afraid (I'm afraid) I'll abstain (I'll abstain)
The hidden third choice, mate, uh

I can just let it lie, it won't cost anything
Wave a hand, say goodbye, not pullin' out my hair
Not a lit'ral "goodbye", not a word comin' up
Let him act a knob and shadow-box
It's a pitiful sight that won't cost anything
At least nothin' of mine, he's pullin' out his hair
No rebuttal to find and zero fisticuffs
I'll just let the knob there shadow-box

I forget what got him all pissy
Just know he needs me to then feel superior
'Cause if I fall for it, he's winnin'
But his terms are not agreeable, hoss
'Cause this guy ('cause this guy) ain't the type (ain't the type)
To show acceptance, ooh-whoa-oh, ooh-whoa-oh
He won't change (he won't change) post-debate (post-debate)
Nor feel cowed by the flames, so

Either choice, I know I cannot fix anything
No good faith on his side, only a troll that's there
There's no reason to try, just wants to stir shit up
So I'll leave this knob to shadow-box
Want to get in a fight over near anything?
There's no shortage online of people pullin' hair
You're not gettin' a rise out of me, give it up
Sad to be a knob, don't shadow-box

He won't ever, he won't ever
He won't ever give up
Doubt he'll ever give up (doubt he'll ever), he'll never get tired (seems like never)
No, no, no, no, no (no, he'll never), no, no, no, no, no
It's a pitiful sight, throwin' out anything
That he's thinkin' just might get me to pull my hair
A debate or a fight, I'm givin' neither one
Just leave the knob to shadow-box

Hardest part that I find: I can't say anything
To his face, means that I acknowledge that he's there
No attention from my end he can see, it's tough
To make sure the knob can shadow-box
But it's worth it to find him tryin' anything
Yellin' at friends of mine but I'm not actin' fair
My mates follow my line and just ignore the putz
Leave the little knob to shadow-box

Ooh, just leave him seethin', he can't do anything
A total joke

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   14
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 14
 

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