Oh, Squidward, Squidward, he don't want me no more
Ever since he saw his poster in that record store
He says the way he grinds his molars is really annoying
Squidward thinks he's so darn dysfunctional and "Generation X"y
He hates his brooding angst and his wild-eyed stare
Yeah, he's his very dumb annoying multi-millionaire

Well, Squidward hates Eddie Vedder
He really hates that Eddie Vedder
Once he was grumpy, but now I better just forget him
'Cause Squidward hates Eddie Vedder

Now, every time I see him, well, he looks so grim
I guess it really must suck to be a rock star like him
What a pain in the butt to have so much success
Spending all his time moping and avoiding the press
But Squidward can't get enough of his horrible demeanor
Like he's some big tortured genius and I'm some kinda wiener

Well, Squidward hates Eddie Vedder
He’s hating that Eddie Vedder
Tell me, what he can do that I can't do better
Now Squidward hates

I said I said I said Squidward hates Eddie Vedder
Totally hating that Eddie Vedder
I can’t believe it, now he's hitting him with a mallet
'Cause Squidward hates Eddie Vedder

I knew we were headin' for disaster
When she caught me hangin' out at the Ticketmaster
Now he's got an unrequited hatred
For the frustrated, agitated, designated alienated
Spokesman for the disaffected grunge generation

Well, I don't wear Doc Martens and I don't wear flannel
And I don't boycott the music video channel
And I just can't compete with all that money and fame
But I know two can play at this game
Yeah, well, let's just see how jealous he'll get
When I start stalking Selena Gomez

Well, Squidward hates Eddie Vedder
He’s all angry at that Eddie Vedder
Once she was mine but now I better just forget him
'Cause Squidward hates
I said I said I said Squidward hates Eddie Vedder
Why'd Squidward hate that no good Eddie Vedder?
If he wants to leave me, I guess I better let him
'Cause Squidward hates Eddie Vedder