DON’T DO IT

Tracy and I sat down one day
To have a chat; so I could say
What worried me, things on my mind,
Didn’t want to be unkind.

The night before, she’d been out late,
She’d had a fling with her new date.
Came back singing, went to bed,
But I was worried, so I said:

Don’t do it!
Don’t do it.
Don’t do things that you’ll regret.
Be good now,
You should now,
You’re really on a high, I bet.

You can smile
All the while,
If I found myself in your place then I’d run a mile.
Don’t do it!
Don’t fall in love.

So she said:

Want to do it!
Want to do it.
I want to think it’s not just sex.
He’s sporty
And naughty,
Wonder what he might do next.

It’s our mission
And decision
To go to bed instead of watching television.
Want to do it.
I want to fall in love.

Then I said:

Don’t do it!
Don’t do it.
Don’t go making a mistake.
Be clever,
Whatever,
Try to think now what’s at stake.

You’re staring
And daring,
Bet you’ll find it won’t be long till he’s uncaring.
Don’t do it!
Don’t fall in love.

So she said:

Want to do it!
Want to do it.
He’s a man who turns me on.
He’s daring,
Past caring,
And now my virginity’s gone.

We’re dating
And mating,
When it comes to making love, I can’t be waiting.
Want to do it,
I want to fall in love.

Then I said:

Don’t do it!
Don’t do it.
I did it once myself.
Name was Jim;
Married him,
And then he left me on the shelf.

What a geyser!
What a teaser!
Tried to have it off with me atop our freezer.
Don’t do it!
Don’t fall in love.

So she said:

Want to do it!
Want to do it.
I’ve waited now for far too long.
He’s muscle
And bustle
I’ve never met a man so strong.

Don’t worry,
No flurry,
The taste of him is better than an Indian curry.
Want to do it.
I want to fall in love.

Then I said:
Don’t do it!
Don’t do it.
Spend a night with me right here.
I’m thinking
Of drinking
Something like an ice-cold beer.

Stay quiet,
Just try it.
I hope if you believe me then you might just buy it.
Don’t do it!
Don’t fall in love.

So she said:

Want to do it!
Want to do it.
I’ve tried before, but things weren’t right.
The loonies
And goonies,
With them I couldn’t see the light.

Don’t nag me,
Or rag me,
I didn’t like the ones who said they’d only shag me!
Want to do it.
I want to fall in love.
Then I said:
Don’t do it!
Don’t do it.
You’ll find someone else, I’m sure.
You’ll see
Like me,
If he’s not right kick him out the door.

Don’t take it,
Just make it.
When you’re having sex it’s not a crime to fake it.
Don’t do it!
Don’t fall in love.
So she said:

Want to do it!
Want to do it.
I must insist I have my way.
If you worry
That I hurry,
I’ll put it off for one more day.

He pleases
And teases.
Although it’s never pleasant when he sneezes!
Want to do it.
I want to fall in love.

Then I said:

Don’t do it!
Don’t do it.
Although you feel you really must.
I’ve got a feeling
You’ll be reeling
When he leaves you in the dust.

I know it,
To throw it.
Though you may be having fun in bed, don’t show it!
Don’t do it!
Don’t fall in love.

So she said:

Want to do it!
Want to do it.
He really is my kind of man.
He’s snappy,
We’re happy,
We want to do it when we can.

We’re gonna,
And I really wanna
Show to him that I’m as sexy as Madonna.
Want to do it.
I want to fall in love.

Then I said:

Don’t do it!
Don’t do it.
You really ought to slow right down.
Let’s go now,
I’ll show how
We both can have some fun downtown.

You’re singing
And winging,
But for me I’m worried with alarm bells ringing.
Don’t do it!
Don’t fall in love.

Don’t do it!
Don’t do it.
I know you want to rant and rave.
But dear,
It is clear
You just don’t know how to behave…

Not really,
And clearly
Since for me I’m only getting sex once yearly,
Don’t do it!
Don’t fall in love!