Pointless warrin' over ev'ry tiny thing, I wonder
How those two twits are still friends
I try to stay out of it when they fight over which one of
Them rides shotgun in my van
So quick to a slap, can't just talk it ou-out
Done this since they were children
I sure wish they would grow up
But I kinda dou-oubt

Insults they keep screamin'
Cause they're not agreein'
About who ate who's brea-ea-ead
Know that might sound stupid
And you would be right because it is

And they still rage
Oh-oh-oh-oh (pointless warrin') oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh (pointless warrin', wish they'd shut up)
Argue 'bout gravy, may sound absurd
Oh-oh-oh-oh (make ev'ry ride fee-eel long) oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh (when they just fight 'bout ev'ry slight)
Drivin' me crazy fightin' 'bout Hades

Pointless warrin' about dumb stuff like who stole who's jumper
From day break 'til the sun sets
Ev'ry perceived slight is an excuse for more screamin'
Like the best way to take on the undead

"Mass decapitation!"
"Raid a supply station!"
Crap, there they go agai-ai-ain
"You're so friggin' stupid!"
"No, you are" what a display of wit

Oh-oh-oh-oh (pointless warrin') oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh (pointless warrin', can't they shut up?)
Argue for days about Angry Birds
Oh-oh-oh-oh (pointless warrin') oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh (pointless warrin', please, guys, shut up)
Argue 'bout flaky donuts, they're crazy

Their fights piss me ri-ight off
Sto-o-op, please
Bu-u-uddies
Got things to focu-us on
You see

Pointless warrin' is unhelpful for the bodyguards of
Emperor Dark-Shadow-Death
It would not be wise to invoke his wrath by ignorin' threats
And focusin' on fave bands
Are you both crazy? Your town, he'll purge

Pointless warrin'
Pointless warrin', shut the hell up
(Emperor's rage won't cut no slack, face it)
Pointless warrin' (raised his eyebrow, you're dea-ea-ead)
Pointless warrin', friggin' shut up
(This will be messy, eyes, I'll avert)
Pointless warrin' (warned you, I did)
Pointless warrin' bit both your butts
Pointless warrin'
(I'll take your pay once your bits I've cleaned up)
Pointless warrin', should've shut up