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Song Parodies -> "Ripper Named Jack"

Original Song Title:

"Baby Got Back"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Sir Mix-A-Lot

Parody Song Title:

"Ripper Named Jack"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Yeah, Jack the Ripper. Srsly. I don't know what amuses me more, a silly rap song about stabbing women in Victorian London, or an acoustic rock song about stabbing women (that is, singing these lyrics to the original version and the Jonathan Coulton version, respectively).
[Some random English toff]
Oh my word, Jerry, look at this news
It's filled with gore *gag* It looks like
That fiend named Jack struck again
Just, my word, what madness goes through his mind? *gag*
And why would he kill her, I mean
She was just a simple prostitute, Jer'
I mean, this news, it's just so sick
I can't believe it's just so foul, it's like
My word, I mean - just look!
She was just...stabbed!

[Jack Teh Ripper]
I make headlines, and I know just why
Looks like they found that trollop's hide
Well, when a girl walks 'round a real shady part of town
Innocent look on her face
She'll get mugged, maybe she'll get punched
'Cause they notice her purse is stuffed
Corset and lace she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I just wanna get ya
And then I'll kill ya
Them coppers try to stop me
But I'm just too smart, I'm wearin' gloves, see?
Ooh, porcelain skin
You say I won't get away with this?
Well, call me haughty
But I'm not your average crim, see?
I am a planner
To hell with the slammer
Not dead, yet
And there's nothin' that I will regret
I'm tired of peaceful hymns
Sayin' Jesus is the thing
I've a pointy dagger, you likin' that?
No subtlety in that
So, take it! (AAAAH!!) Take it! (AAAAH!!)
Take it all, ya useless lump! (AAAAH-AAAAH!!)
I tell ya, take it! (Mercy!) Take it! (Mercy!)
Take it, I am a
Ripper named Jack!

(London face with the many stab wounds)
Ripper named Jack!
(London face with the many stab wounds)
(London face with the many stab wounds)

I like 'em on a bridge
And maybe thrown in a ditch
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
My hunt is nat'ral
I want you far from home
Then ugh, double-stab, ugh, ugh
I don't worry 'bout cop boys
'Cause none of those clowns can track this noise
I want 'em all young and stupid
Their brains won't notice trouble
Up to them I'll shuffle
Tryin' to hide my blood-stained ruffles
So they're lookin' at my visago
Made up that word, sounds fancy, no?
Starin' at my big nose
And so the distance I will close
A word to the real-old sisters, I don't wanna get ya
I won't stab an' kill ya
I just know, bein' me, that the people are more shocked
If the dead are young
Corpses got it goin' on
A lot of cops find my ways wrong
'Cause them punks always find it and get sick
And I'd prefer stronger men
'Cause the arm of the law
Has a reputation to uphold
So coppers! (Yeah!) Coppers! (Yeah!)
If you wanna be the real crime stoppers (Yeah!)
Then look around! Learn to scout!
Then who will you learn about?
Ripper named Jack!

Ripper named Jack!
Hey, lady...when it comes to females
Ethics ain't got nothin' to do with my selection.
An incredible thing, the ribcage...
Heh heh...so easily punctured...

So, the basic girl in London, are so pretty and abundant
But brainin' ain't all that pop'lar with the girls here in London
My steely dagger don't want none
Unless you're that dumb, hun
You just walk in that side alley
When all the stores are shut
You wander in the dark, a slow stroll
And flashing all your brand new gold
Some new earrings, a wrist thing
And it brings me in with that shining
You've got a lovely hat
Would be a right shame, that
If it fell right off due to all your strugglin'
And got dusty and muddy
To the smarter dames huddled in the street
You won't feel my sting
Give me a sister, won't use her thinker
All the newspapes didn't stop her
Last week, some girl tried to diss
'Cause my hair is full of grease
She had balls, 'cause she chose to hit 'em
Didn't think, my daggers, I'd throw 'em
So ladies, if you wander 'round
And this horrible life gets you down
Don't be surprised if I show up
And stab you, cuz I'm a
Ripper named Jack!

Ripper named Jack!
A serial killer by the name of Jack!
A serial killer by the name of Jack!
A serial killer by the name of Jack!
A serial killer by the name of Jack!
Written entirely between my two Monday classes. Because it's a two-and-a-half hour gap and I need somethin' to do.

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   2
 1
 1
 
 5   5
 6
 6
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Wild Child JIN - April 11, 2011 - Report this comment
TCOP, this proves that you do know "Jack" ;-D Excellent Job! 5's!
Michael Pacholek - April 11, 2011 - Report this comment
This parody was a cut above.
Matthias - April 11, 2011 - Report this comment
Wow! You really upped your game recently! These new topics that aren't in your comfort zone are really fantastic!
Rob Arndt - April 11, 2011 - Report this comment
Morbid... but I like it...
Blaydeman - May 12, 2011 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Great job TCOP! A few pacing stumbles, but still awesome. Great rhyming and word play! To use an obvious pun "You killed it!" HA!
Peter Andersson - May 15, 2011 - Report this comment
I'm kinda disturbed by this, it's too dead on...
Wild Child JIN - May 18, 2011 - Report this comment
(SOTM) "Jack is nimble", "Jack is quick", "Just don't call him when you are sick!" ;-D Once again Great Job!
Abbott Skelding - May 19, 2011 - Report this comment
SOTM: Nice work of picking a topic that has nothing to do with the OS and making it fit excellently! Nice job!
Glen S - May 31, 2011 - Report this comment
Nice one tcop. THe second stanza stood out especially for me, especially 'And maybe thrown in a ditch' and 'ugh, DOUBLE STAB, ugh, ugh'. Well done fitting this morbid material into the OS.
Max Power - July 15, 2011 - Report this comment
You really nailed it and then killed it, cutting up the body into five hundred and five pieces...
Abbott Skelding - July 18, 2011 - Report this comment
Another read, another realization of how great a song this is! Nice work
Blaydeman - July 23, 2011 - Report this comment
(ABC) Previous comment remains correct. I still notice that there are some pacing stumbles that through off the lyrics a bit, but the funny outshines those. Again I say "You Killed It!".
Mark Scotti - July 25, 2011 - Report this comment
(ABC) Reminds me of the "This Is Spinal Tap" movie, where the ban is almost broken up and they want to pursue projects they always meant to do, like a musical about Jack The Ripper called 'Saucy Jack"...LOL
Agrimorfee - July 26, 2011 - Report this comment
Wow, like if Sir Mixalot was possessed by Slim Shady. Are you familiar with Nib Oswald "Luke" Brattoni, a countryman of yours, who was a fixture on Amiright for many a time, big on rap and sick lyrics? That is what this reminded me of. Good job.
D-Mon - July 26, 2011 - Report this comment
(ABC) Baby had back, until Jack cut it off! Now she only has front :*( LOL! Awesome!
Below Average Dave - July 28, 2011 - Report this comment
I've read this before, but my comment appears to be missing. . .anyway, it was funny, but I did have some trouble pacing it
Matthias - July 31, 2011 - Report this comment
This was really great and totally out of your comfort zone like I said earlier. Well done.
Glen S - February 14, 2012 - Report this comment
Still some great skillz on display here, tcop. Enjoyed it the 2nd time around as well.

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