How does it spell? D.I.G.!
What should we be? V.I.G.!
What did he steal? P.I.G.!
Holes five feet wide! B.I.G.!

Do you know why he's here?
Yelnats claims it's all Father's fault
His head ain't clear
In the clear of the desert, she left him there
But hunters found him and cleaned him. Luck springs from fresh air
But his great-grandson found no luck
And his great-grandson has no dough
And his great-grandson's always rude
He stole some gym shoes; he's going to
Camp Green Lake, but it's green no more
Since Sam got shot by that kissin' --
X-Ray leads us, he's taking breaks
So keep D.I.G.-ging! Where's "interesting" mistakes?

Yeah, Zero can't spell, so Stanley says,
"I'd like to teach you stuff if you'll dig this bigger!"
Zero's nonexistent after whacking Pendanski
Just livin' on peach. But Stan finds him, drags him up Big Thumb
Sam gave some crops to Hector Z, know what I'm sayin'?
Onions drive away the snakes. Meant all the lizards
But then Warden's on the loose, suitcase in the mornin', lawyers are pissed
Praying, yo, that Louie the Yard Teacher eats Ms. Walker up
Like Mrs. Gorf, but there's red hair, specks, yeah like Marvin Redprops
Sachar adds in to save the day, no budget! Wait,
Stan's in the girl's loo! Yeah! He loves Jeff, he loves Jeff*
Stay up, the case ain't over yet
So

Zero and Stanley watch the Super Bowl
Leave the funky D.I.G. in the F.U.D.
But there's camps still in Texas that's, well,
They'll yell this, y'all, "You'll go to hell!
So now how does it spell? D.I.G.!"
Escape on an R.I.G.!
But don't make no Z.I.G.!
There's "sploosh" but no F.I.G.!
This is our whole G.I.G.!