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Song Parodies -> "Jump Scares Ain't Horror"

Original Song Title:

"Down by the Water"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

PJ Harvey

Parody Song Title:

"Jump Scares Ain't Horror"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Time for more Supreme Film Criticism with your host, That Dude Who Reads More About Films Than Actually Watches Them!
Films are an art, some just a sketch
Wanna make it work? Listen to me
Some tropes are old but are still common
Sorry, they blow, here's one for now
Don't make me jerk (don't make me jerk)
At flashed-up gore (at flashed-up gore)
It rarely works (it rarely works)
Just a real eyesore (a real eyesore)
Jump scares ain't horror (jump scares ain't horror)
They're just old-hat (they're just old-hat)
Why? They're so constant (why? They're so constant)
The scares don't exist (scares don't exist)

Those orchestra stings just make me yawn
Oh hey, no monster behind the door
Just a cat, wonder (just a cat, wonder)
If they'll then show (if they'll then show)
The movie's monster (the movie's monster)
Now, there we go (now, there we go)

Indie films, big films, anythin' that's horror
Give me fear, man, not a limp shocker
Violins have fits, doesn't mean it's horror
It's just a cat, not a real shocker
If your script has it then it's not a horror
It's just schlock crap, not a great shocker
Film critics know this, not fazed by the "horror"
Won't give you half stars for that "shocker"
Audiences shift, they want better horror
Than your straight hack "booga-boo" shocker
Best rethink your pitch for a Grade-A horror
If each scare's that middle-road shocker
Ev'ry kid will twig on your way of horror
Cause it's old-hat, bland-as-hell shocker
It's not retro, twit, may be like old horrors
With new eyes, man, just a limp shocker
Use that schtick, it's shit, Razzie-worthy horror

To be honest, jump scares would totally work on me every single time, but that's because I don't watch horror unless a film suddenly decides to be spooky for no reason.

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