Please all rise I'm the judge named Judy Sheindlin
And you'd better keep on smilin'
'Cause you don't want to see me violent
And I guarantee this trial will end abruptly
So don't try to corrupt me
Or I'll call you a worthless yuppie

So you say that someone's in your hair
Frankly I don't really care yeah it's like that
I don't have time for idle chit-chat
Now what you think about that?
Now if someone keyed your auto
And you want a little dough I'll call you a shmo
And you've got less smarts than one should allow
'Cause baby you're in my world now

There you go looking really scared
Just because my nostrils flared
There you go talkin' 'bout how I'm corrupt
But somehow I interrupt
There you go thinking how I'm awful mean
And it would be a dream
If you could gouge out my spleen
There you go tryin' to ruin my show
Look at you there you go

Please don't come around askin' for extra money
It's just not gonna happen sonny
'Cause I'll just look at you funny
And I'm ticked off in a constant rude condition
I've only got one mission to send your butt to prison

So you say you want a settlement
All I can say is "Get bent" yeah it's like that
Ready to yell at the drop of a hat
Now what you think about that?
So when I say you lose the case
Don't be gettin' in my face right after the fact
Just like Eminem or that Kid Rock crap
I'm white but I can rap

There you go looking horrified
Just because the plaintiff lied
There you go talkin' 'bout how I'm not smart
I hated you from the start
There you go sayin' that I pick and choose
I wouldn't pick you so you still would lose
There you go greasy like Crisco
Look at you there you go

Don't you wish that I wouldn't always pout?
Don't you wish I'd hear both sides out?
Don't you wish I weren't a brat?
Well it won't ever be simple like that no
With my Ann Landers hairdo on
Under my robe I'm a skeleton
The fans keep comin' back
To see how loud I'll scream

There you go looking like a jerk
Just because your plea didn't work
There you go talkin' 'bout how I'm a fad
With a voice box the size of Chad
There you go sayin' it's your destiny
To hate Judge Judy all the same to me
There you go dumber than Groucho
Look at you there you go